Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate
by girlinthegarden
Summary: Butters had come up with an idea, with the help of Kyle who did the same with Stan, to wake Kenny when his late sleeping wore thin on his nerves. It was a little wrong but a little more hilarious and it worked every time. Kyle called it "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn" but Butters came up with a simpler name for him and Kenny: "Ways to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate".
1. How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate

_Author's Note: I needed to write this as a way to break from the current depressing stuff I'm writing and also this is based on my life right now. It kind of has to do with living with your best friend/permanent roommate and... certain behaviors you have to get used to and grow to love while also dealing with the one thing you can't handle. So it's just various snippets that go with that. It's just meant to be a fun read. :)_

_Oh, and Butters and Kenny are about 21/22 in this._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_**Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate:**_

Between the three years they dated and decided to move in together Butters had become accustomed to several of Kenny's habits, and vice versa. Kenny worked passed midnight and Butters fell asleep by nine. Butters hated the dark and slept with a night light and Kenny talked in his sleep. They both slept odd, and often woke up in various positions that were camera-worthy; usually Butters woke up to find Kenny with his head at the foot of the bed and his leg in a bent position ready to kick. Butters half the time woke up on the floor or spread-eagle across the bed. Butters had to drink two cups of coffee before he could function properly and Kenny usually walked around naked until three in the afternoon.

It had taken them awhile to get used to the various habits they had kept. Some things were hilarious, like Kenny's concerts he put on while showering, and others were a little tiresome, like Butters' near OCD-style cleaning. But they worked together to make it work or get used to the behaviors that they loved each other for.

Except there was one thing that aggravated Butters to no end. He always felt bad about it because Kenny worked so late but he couldn't help but get annoyed; on his days off Kenny slept most of the day. In fact, he'd usually wake up at five or six at night. His schedule was pretty off and it bothered Butters to no end, especially because they already had so little time together. That and sleeping until six seemed wrong; seven hours of sleep was what he usually got. And although Kenny managed about three and a half, when he had the day off he slept for at least fifteen.

SoButters had come up with an idea, with the help of Kyle who did the same with Stan, to wake Kenny when his late sleeping wore thin on his nerves. It was a little wrong but a little more hilarious and it worked every time. Kyle called it "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn" but Butters came up with a simpler name for him and Kenny: "Ways to Wake Your Permanent Room-Mate". And yes, he did blog about it. In fact, it was quite popular. Sometimes he included pictures and videos, which made it even more funny; Kenny knew about it, unfortunately for him, and after the initial shock, surprise, or sometimes anger ebbed away, he laughed about it.

Usually.

What Butters didn't understand was that Kenny was smart. Very, very smart; more street smart than book smart but he more brains than people gave him credit for. In fact, Butters was the only one who knew Kenny was taking online classes between his hectic work schedule; mostly because Kenny knew everyone would push him to excel and that just wasn't his thing. But knowing he was smart, he didn't know why Kenny didn't catch on to his series of ways to wake him. Each day he tried, Kenny was still surprised, still scared, or chased him around the apartment and wrestled with him until it turned into a tickle war.

Thankfully they never really fought. Butters could only think of three times they ever had a serious fight, and even though one time it was his fault, Kenny always took the blame. And he always made it up to him in the stupidest and cheesiest ways. Sure, they sometimes got annoyed with each other, but rather than bitch and moan about it in a passive-aggressive manner they talked about it and worked through it. They each made changes for each other; like how Butters had to adjust to the thermostat on 67 degrees because Kenny liked it on 65 whereas he preferred 70. And Kenny gave up smoking cigarettes in trade for those electronic ones because the apartment they chose didn't allow smoking at all.

So given the fact they never fought, Butters was really lucky that Kenny never lashed out at him for his constant wake up schemes. In fact, Butters was more angry about Kenny sleeping than Kenny was about being pranked every other Saturday and every third Sunday.

Butters sighed and turned off the television which played a re-run of "The Big Bang Theory". He glanced at the clock that read "4:37" and sighed heavily before he set the remote on the loveseat and sat up from his laying position. He had already ran the morning errands, met with Bebe like they usually did every Saturday, and worked on some of his capstone project before taking an hour break.

Which was where he was now.

From the living room he could hear Kenny's phone vibrate on the nightstand. Butters tossed the blanket onto the couch and crept toward their bedroom. His hand rested on the doorknob, and he took a deep breath before he turned the handle.

Here goes nothing, he sighed, and shut the door behind him.


	2. You're a Turkey

_Author's Note: The current stance between my permanent roommate and I is: Me: 38 PR: 1 (as of today)_

_Chapter One: You're a Turkey_

* * *

"I can't take it anymore! It's 6:30 at night, Kyle! And he's been asleep since 2:00 in the morning, I am so fed up!"

"Well you know he usually works double shifts and-"

"I know..." Butters groaned, then threw himself on the couch as he talked heatedly to Kyle, who was usually the one with something bothering him. It was a nice change, Butters figured, but he didn't like that he had to deal with this problem. Kenny had carried on like this far too long, and Butters had given up his habit of folding their clothes before they had sex so Kenny could get over sleeping so damn late. Compromise.

"I guess there is something you could try..."

"No, he doesn't like sleep sex, I tried it." Kyle snickered on the other end and Butters' face flushed dark red as he realized that's not what his dear friend was suggesting. "It was his birthday, shut up!" He heard Kyle chortle a few more moments, then took a deep breath.

"Okay, definitely didn't need to know that. I was going to say Stan used to sleep in like crazy but I managed to figure out a tactic to use... now he's sometimes up before me." Butters perked up at that; he knew Stan loved sleep more than most; part of that had to do with the medication he was on but, details.

"What's that?" Butters asked curiously; if it worked for Stan it should work for Kenny. Although he wanted Kenny to catch up on sleep he hated the fact it took up most of the day. And even if they didn't do anything together at least Kenny wouldn't waste his day sleeping.

"It's what I call "Mission Impossible: Kill the Foghorn," Butters chuckled at that; Stan snored incredibly loud. Part of that had to do with breathing problems, but regardless, Butters woke up terrified several times that there was a cow in the Marsh's basement when they were still in high school. And even when they had their once a month sleepovers. "Pretty much you just think of the cruelest ways to wake him up, physically or verbally. Like yesterday he was late for class so I flipped the mattress."

"You _what_?!" Butters cried. He had no idea Kyle was so strong. Then again he had been the star of the basketball team in high school so he was bound to have muscle from that.

"Mhmm, oh he was so fucking pissed, I swore he was gonna bite my head off. But I've been doing shit like that for the past year so he knows to expect it by now."

"And... and he stays up?" Butters asked as he glanced to the closed bedroom door. Not a sound came from their room; thankfully Kenny didn't snore. He only snuffled when he had a cold and then it was adorable. Butters was the one who had the snoring tendencies, and it wasn't that bad, anyway.

"Course, he knows not to test me." Butters smiled and nodded. He was pretty sure everyone knew not to test him. Except Cartman but that was a different story. "So... are you willing to torture Kenny?"

When Butters heard the words "torture Kenny" his mind created a very different image than Kyle, he was sure. Butter smiled and laughed a little before he cleared his throat, shook his head of the thoughts, and heard Kyle gag in disgust. "Gross. No, literally torture... not your weird kinky sex version of torture."

"It's not weird! Not as weird as the one time you tried to-"

"No, okay fine it's not weird!" Kyle interrupted quickly with a slightly shrill voice; Butters smirked in response. "Fine... here's what you're gonna do..."

Butters sighed heavily as he quietly entered their bedroom. Kenny lay on his back with his head to the side as he slept soundly. The twenty-one year old closed the door and quietly opened the package in his hands and bit his lip.

He chose the lesser of the evils Kyle had suggested. He didn't want to scare Kenny, as he would go into protective mode and be half paranoid the rest of the night, and he didn't want to piss him off. This seemed the funniest to him, as well as the most random.

Carefully, he pulled down the blankets so Kenny's torso was exposed. He was wearing a thin tank top that he usually slept in, and he faintly saw goose pimples on his arms.

Butters tossed a slice of lunch meat turkey at Kenny, and watched as it landed on his stomach. Kenny remained still, and exhaled deeply, blowing his long blonde hair out of his face for a moment. Butters grimaced and threw another slice, harder this time. It landed with a slapping sound on his arm, and Kenny turned his head.

He continued throwing piece after piece on Kenny, covering him in lunch meat. Of course he wasn't going to let it go to waste, which was a pet peeve of Kenny's, and he'd put the meat back in the fridge as soon as Kenny woke up. But he didn't so much as move a muscle, which bothered Butters.

"Damn you Kyle," Butters grumbled vehemently as he chucked one of the last slices as hard as he could. It landed with a smack on Kenny's face, and the dark blonde grumbled quietly as he flinched instinctively. Butters watched as Kenny's head moved and his eyes opened slowly.

"W-what...?" he asked groggily, hair messy and his left eye covered by the lunch meat. "Wha's on my face?" he reached up and jumped in alarm when feeling something cold and wet that was definitely not his skin. "The fuck?!" He cried, ripping it away from his face, then yelped when he looked down and saw he was covered in sliced turkey. "Lee, what the _hell_?!"

Unsure of what else to say, Butters took a step back and smiled innocently. Kenny narrowed his eyes on him as he quickly pulled off the turkey in an angry huff.

"Lunch is ready?" He asked more than stated, and prepared to run.

Apparently what he said was perfect, because Kenny burst out laughing and stared in amazement at his boyfriend. The dark blonde shook his head as he pulled the final slice from his stomach and held up the wasted fifteen or so pieces. He shook his head and popped a slice in his mouth and threw one at Butters.

"What time is it?" Kenny questioned sleepily, then let out a startled chuckle as he caught sight of the alarm clock. Butters gave an unimpressed nod as he took back the turkey slices. Except he slapped Kenny with one, causing him to stick out his tongue in response. "Why lunch meat? Why wouldn't you just... shake me and say 'wakey wakey eggs and bakey'?" Butters barked a laugh as he walked out of the room. Kenny sighed and sluggishly followed behind him.

"Because it was genius, and you never wake up to that but tell me to "fuck off", and because we should be eating _dinner,_" Butters grumbled darkly but wore a smile as he saw Kenny rub his eyes like a little kid. He would keep out the fact that Kyle told him about this idea; Kenny and Stan didn't need to talk about this, otherwise they'd find a way to get back at them. "But just know this, Kenneth McCormick, each time you sleep late, passed... I dunno, I'll give you til 1:00, if you sleep later than 1:00 then other things like this will happen. You won't know when or where or how. But I will get you to wake up... and it will be glorious. And I will laugh. And you will... well you won't cry, but it'll be pretty damn hilarious." Kenny just stared at him and blinked a couple of times before he grabbed him and hugged him tight. "Hugs won't get you out of this, mister," Butters whined miserably. But he just smiled down at his boyfriend and kissed his forehead.

"But... you're really cute when you're tryin' to be mad and threatening."

"Well... you know what?!" Butters barked, startling Kenny for a moment. Butters turned to him and smacked his shoulder lightly. "You're... you're a-a... you're a turkey!" Kenny bit his lip and looked as if he were struggling to not laugh as he looked at Butters, whose menacing expression was fading fast. "But you'll regret it, Kenny. Mark my words," he murmured feebly as he finished his sinister threat. Kenny smiled and nodded as he stroked his cheek.

"Got it, Chaos." Kenny said with a slightly affectionate, slightly mocking tone as he took the package of turkey from Butters' hand. "Now... turkey dinner?"

"Isn't that cannibalism for you?" Butters tried to growl his retort. Kenny smirked and gnashed his teeth together before he walked into the kitchen. Butters glowered as he watched him walk with an extra spring in his step.

But Butters smiled a little as he realized something; he had tomorrow. And at that, he beamed.


	3. I Bought A Puppy

_Author's Note: This is the one in my life today (3/2/14). _

_It did not go according to plan. -stares at puppy-_

_Chapter Two: I Bought a Puppy_

* * *

Butters opened the door and gazed at the messy bed and the lump that had burrowed to the middle. Kenny's feet were poking out of the blankets and his right arm dangled off the edge. Butters sat on the opposite corner of the bed and crossed his legs. Kenny shifted slightly when feeling the weight of the bed pull down, but breathed deeply; telling Butters he was still asleep.

"Kenny..." Butters murmured quietly, then shook his arm, or where he figured his arm would be. Kenny moaned quietly and stirred. "Kenny, I need to talk to you."

"Not. Now." Was the low, half asleep response he received.

Butters slowly smirked and softly shook his side, causing Kenny to grumble and groan as he turned away from Butters.

"Keeeeeennnnyyyy..." Butters sang, earning a loud fake snore from his boyfriend. Butters' face fell and he glared for a moment. "You know how you got that bonus cash the other day?" Kenny stopped snoring and pulled the blankets from his face.

Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny's face was finally exposed to him. He had a wrinkle on his cheek from the messy covers, his eyes and face were puffy and flushed from sleep, and his hair stuck up in every way imaginable from tossing and turning and static. But most of all he did not look amused.

"Yeah...?" he asked slowly, unsure of what Butters would say next. They had decided that bonus would be saved to buy a better car, rather than the old car that was pushing 280,000 miles that Kenny claimed as his "baby".

"Well..." Butters said, face lighting up as all of the curiosity fell from Kenny's face and was replace with worry. "I was doing some looking around..."

"No-"

"-And I was with Bebe today-"

"No, no _definitely_ not-" Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny's face grew more and more alarmed.

"And I bought a puppy!"

"A.. puppy?" Kenny asked slowly, in total disbelief. He looked to the door and expected to hear tiny feet scratching on the floor, or quiet whimpers from their new pet. He wouldn't mind a puppy; although they'd have to go through management and all of the paperwork he was not looking forward to. A puppy wasn't such a bad thing, though. Butters nodded. "How much?"

"Six hundred dollars."

"_What_." Kenny didn't ask, didn't shout, just asked in a flat deadpan that would rival Craig Tucker's. Butters tried not to laugh as Kenny fought to get out of the cocoon of blankets he had made for himself and ended up rolling on the floor. He landed on his back with a thud, grunted, and scrambled out of the sheets.

"Well I figured that it was really cute and really worth the money because we will love it and it needed a home."  
"What." Kenny repeated, then pulled at his hair in alarm. "We-we can't have a puppy worth six hundred dollars! I don't have that kind of money, Leopold, my bonus was _$250_! Not $600!"

"Yeah... about that..." The sound that came from Kenny's mouth was a string of vowels and consonants that didn't make a single word Butters could understand. For a brief moment it sounded Russian, and then a little bit like Armenian, but then Kenny lost him. All he could do was try not to

"We- what- you... gah!" Kenny opened the door and slammed it shut as he half ran, half stumbled out of the room. Butters' face fell as he quickly stood up and ran after him. Uh-oh. This wasn't good at all.

Kenny, being raised in the poorest family in South Park, was definitely the most frugal person he knew. That being said he also tried to earn as much money as humanly possible and every penny was saved.

Butters closed the door to their bedroom and skidded to a halt when he saw Kenny standing in the living room, with his back to him and his arms folded. The dark blonde turned to him and wore a face of confusion.

"Why is there no puppy?" He asked quietly as he looked at the empty grocery bags on the kitchen counter. Butters sighed heavily and smiled angelically as he saw Kenny's expression turn from confusion to slight dejection.

"I really didn't get a puppy." Kenny narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow as he looked at Butters, who beamed even more innocently. "I just-"

"...dammit." Butters saw the realization hit his face, like it did every time, and Butters covered his laugh by coughing into his arm. Kenny glared at him and sat down on the arm rest of the couch as he looked around.

"What, you're upset I didn't spend your bonus?"

"No... I'm overjoyed about that." Kenny huffed and smiled at that. Butters rolled his eyes, "but... you offered a puppy."

"Waityou'retellingmeyouwantapuppy?" Butters gushed as he paused in front of the fridge. Kenny shrugged as he ran his hand through his sleep-mussed hair. Butters waited for his answer and finally opened the fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs and orange juice.

"Well... maybe. Who could say no to a puppy?!"

"A $600 puppy?" Butters asked, raising an eyebrow. Kenny looked at him, defeated.

"No, but a puppy would do." Butters grinned as he cracked the egg and sprinkled a little pepper on it before he stirred it together. Kenny yawned and sluggishly sat on the counter as he watched Butters pour the egg in the skillet.

"Why am I making you breakfast?" Butters finally asked, disgruntled, "I should be makin' dinner."

"It's morning for me... give me a couple hours, I'll be hungry again." The bright blonde glowered momentarily before he scrambled the eggs. "Dammit, I was expecting a little ball of fluff." Butters pointed to the top of his head and Kenny snickered as he slipped his big toes in the belt loops on Butters' jeans. "I meant one I could play with."

"Once again..." the blonde trailed off and pointed to his head. Kenny smiled and pulled him closer. "So, I think you won that one." Kenny shrugged and beamed as he looked proudly at his boyfriend.

"I'm just glad I have my $250. But I'd be okay with a puppy. What gave you the idea anyway?" Kenny asked curiously. Butters caught his eye and smiled slowly.

"Let's just say Bebe got back at Clyde for that shit he pulled last week," Kenny smirked and told himself to remember to applaud Bebe the next time he saw her. "And I'm still sore at you."

"Well you know you can always just cuddle me to wake me up," the dark blonde suggested brightly. Butters rolled his eyes; he tried cuddling. Kenny just made him his life-sized teddy bear and slept for four more hours and Butters hadn't been able escape his death grip.

"Riiight," he grumbled sarcastically, earning a grin in response, "you still upset there's no puppy?" Kenny shook his head.

"A little heartbroken but I'll survive..." Kenny teased dramatically. "I wasn't opposed to the idea. Butters scoffed and smiled a little at him before he went back to cook Kenny's breakfast-dinner.

"Maybe next time I will bring a puppy. A big puppy. One that'll slobber all over ya."

"That still won't wake me up, you tried that once." Butters wore a blank face as he looked at his boyfriend, who hummed in pride at his offhand comment.

"Don't tempt me, Kenneth Daniel... we have tomorrow."  
"That's something for Future Kenny to worry about... and that guy's dumb."

"Present Kenny's pushing it," Butters quipped, handing him the plate with his eggs on it. Kenny shot him a look with his signature wide eyes and pouted lip and the bright blonde groaned in annoyance and quickly looked away.

"We don't need a damn puppy, we got one on the counter..." he grumbled, then walked back to the couch. Kenny hummed happily then hopped off of his perch to join Butters.

"But let's just say you wanted a puppy... what kind would you want?" he asked quietly. The bright blonde looked at him warily but said nothing as he pressed the "guide" button on the remote. He scanned the channels multiple times before settling on "How I Met Your Mother" which was one of Kenny's favorite shows; mostly because of Alyson Hannigan. And Neil Patrick Harris.

"Um... a big one. An English Mastiff or like a... Russian Caucasian Mountain Dog." Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and Butters held up a finger before he typed the breed into his smart phone. He showed a picture to Kenny, who jumped back and shook his head wildly.

"That's like a fucking horse-dog, it would _kill_ me," Butters scoffed at that and looked at the large fluffy dog on his screen, "if I wanted a dog I would want a lab or somethin'. Or a Pug."

"You? A pug?" Butters asked in surprise. Kenny shrugged.

"You put that thing in a suit and name it Frank and tell me that's not cool." Butters rolled his eyes and put his feet on Kenny's lap as he ate. Kenny glared at him momentarily but chose to ignore his feet as he finished eating. "So between a pug and a Russian beast... what are our choices?

"You're serious about this, aren't you?" Butters asked in surprise. The blonde next to him nodded and sighed before he began to massage Butters' left foot. "You know me so well."

"'Course I do, but yeah... kinda. I've got puppy fever now because of you, you don't tell a sleeping person there is a damn dog!"

"Well, that's why you wake up, lover," was his reply, "but I think we have a rule on how big the dog can be, so we'd have to follow that."

"No, they got rid of that guideline after the manager decided to let that family in 31-A have that big ass dog that their little boy Carson rides as a horse."

"I thought he used him as his real life Balto," Butters mumbled. Kenny nodded.

"Yeah, that too. I usually leave for work and I hear him yelling "mush! Mush!" One time I looked and the dog was just standing there but that boy was having the time of his life." The lighter blonde smiled and cracked his toes, which caused Kenny to pull his hands back and push his feet off of him. "No, sick!" He whined as he wiped his hands on the couch, "you know I hate that!"

Butters turned and laid on his lap as they stared at the television. Kenny was mostly watching the show but he could tell at times he glanced down at him as he ran his hands through his hair.

He jumped when Kenny's phone sounded and looked to see Kenny's crestfallen expression.

"Hey... they need me at work for an hour or two..."  
"No." Butters whined and grabbed at Kenny's arm, "no, they already told you your days off are definite..." Kenny smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss him softly.

"I gotta at least go see what's up, look I'm sorry, I really don't wanna go in, hon, but..."

"Fine." Butters snapped and pulled himself away from Kenny. The young man who stood at a near 6'5" sighed sadly and quickly hurried to his room, where he dressed in his uniform of black slacks and a black button up shirt. Every time Butters saw him in that outfit his heart skipped a beat because he could easily picture him in a similar manner standing at an altar. But he shook his head of those thoughts and smiled sadly as Kenny walked up to him.

"Please don't be mad...?" Kenny asked as he knelt before him. His knees popped as he captured his lips in a kiss. Butters kissed back chastely and nodded before he got up and went to the kitchen.

"I'll have dinner ready for when you come home..."

He got a text from Kenny twenty minutes later telling him he made it to work and it shouldn't be more than a half an hour. That was better than nothing, Butters figured, and pulled out a package of chicken to defrost.

Butters didn't understand why his schemes never worked with Kenny. Sure he had pranked him, twice, but somehow it seemed to always backfire. It had been successful to wake him up, but somehow Kenny kept pulling it around and made it work for him. That was what bothered Butters, but not as much as the fact that he had to do it in the first place. Was it too much to ask that he wanted some time with him?

Butters heard the door to their apartment click just as he finished sauteing the vegetables with the chicken.

"Hey, Lee, we need to talk." Butters' face fell as Kenny entered the front door, looking more alert than he usually did when coming home from work. But he also saw a tinge of nervousness. Butters turned off the stove top and put the pan on one of the cooled burners.

"Okay...?" he trailed off uneasily; he hated conversations starting with that four worded sentence. But he knew whenever Kenny started off like that nothing bad was going to be said.

"I uh... what if I told you I managed to lose my bonus?"

"W-what?!" Butters cried as Kenny smiled angelically at him. He pulled at his hair as he stalked up to Kenny, "you're the best worker they have why would they do- did your stomach just make that noise?" Butters asked as he stopped in front of Kenny, who was trying his hardest not to laugh. Butters poked at his flat stomach, causing the taller of the two to flinch and yank away from him.

"Uh, well... maybe." Butters looked at him curiously, "well, before you freak out..."

"Kenny..."

"I invested in something that I just... I think it's worth it."

"The last time you did that we nearly died." Kenny scoffed and went to the door once again.

"I promise we won't die. In fact..." he opened the door and Butters gawked in awe. A tiny high-pitched bark was heard, and he let out an astonished laugh as a fluffy St. Bernard puppy cautiously stepped into the apartment. "I bought a puppy."


	4. Heavy Metal Wake Up

_Author's Note: _I figured since I had to wake my troublesome roommate for class today rather than just the weekend (which I am ever so looking forward to... *sigh*) I figured I could post an extra one for this weekend. _Yeah... this happened. By the way, all song references in this chapter are poorly made out of stupid humor. And if you don't know the song I'm talking about then you really need to fix that. _And kudos to anyone who knows what the title of this chapter is from. __

_Thanks for all of the reviews, follows, and favorites. You're all great :)._

_...I'm contemplating on making an actual blog for Butters' ideas. Not sure as that would take a lot of time and that's something I don't have, but if you want to weigh in on that option go ahead. It would probably be something for me to do in the summer. _

_Once again, thank you for checking out this silly little story. It means the world._

_Oh, and I also suggest **not** doing this. What happened between Kenny and Butters was actually nice... may my first guitar rest in pieces. (Hint: I said first. :D)_

* * *

Butters grinned as he stood next to the nightstand on Kenny's side of the bed, and looked down at his sleeping lover.

The idea had come last night when Stan and Kenny played a gig for their joke of a band that had started to become more popular in the local music scene. It was interesting to see people wear the shirts Kenny made out of boredom and a bit of a high, but Butters was proud of them nonetheless.

Except one idea stuck in his mind all night as he sat at the merch table with Kyle or took pictures for their band page, and nagged at his brain all the way into the morning.

He gazed down at his boyfriend, who looked incredibly peaceful and content as he slept on his side. One leg was bent while the other stretched outside of the blankets. One arm seemed to hug himself and the other lay under his pillow. Worry wasn't furrowed in his brow and he couldn't help but feel bad that he was about to shatter that peace.

But feeling bad was soon replaced with a feeling Kyle described as "sadistic humor", although he wouldn't go that far. From what he heard from Kyle, he had way worse tricks up his sleeve than he could possibly imagine. All he wanted was for Kenny to wake up and stay up; not die of a heart attack. And he remembered hugging Stan a little tighter last night before they all split up and headed home.

It was a little earlier than he usually woke Kenny; it was going on 3:15 and that was only because... well because he could. His warning had been for anytime after 1:00, and he hadn't been cruel enough to wake him at 1:01.

"Ken..." Butters called gently as his final peace offering. A part of him wished he'd open his eyes and slowly wake up on his own accord, but happily so he could have time to actually do something. But a part of him was glad that the only thing Kenny did was twitch his lip and take a deep inhale.

His mind was filled with worry for a moment; mostly because he didn't want to anger their neighbors. They already had one noise complaint and he was embarrassed as to why; he couldn't look them in the eye even to this date and it occurred almost a year ago. Kenny just said they were prudes and he wanted to show off the fact he was dating the world's loudest screamer; or so he said. Plus it didn't help they had gotten a new bed.

But as he flipped the switch on the amp he didn't really care. Beth and Jim could complain all they wanted; this would be hilarious and well deserved; after all they put up with their screaming matches almost every night. The hum from the guitar amplifier filled the room and he winced, hoping Kenny wouldn't wake up from that.

The amp just so happened to be placed right above his head. Kenny liked to move to the middle of the bed, and he usually took his pillow with him. That left enough room for Butters to set the amplifier down and make sure it was secure.

Butters was great on the drums but didn't how to play guitar at all. So this was going to be interesting.

He turned the volume up all the way to ten, then pressed a button on Kenny's guitar pedal and hoped for the best.

The bright blonde took three deep breaths, closed his eyes, and strummed down as hard and loud as he could onto the guitar strings. He continued playing even as Kenny jolted violently from the bed and jumped back onto his knees as he covered his ears.

"Jesus Christ! Turn that off!" He cried, then yanked the cord out of the amp. Butters heard a whine of feedback for a moment, and watched the red light on the amp fade as he unplugged it. "What the actual fuck?!"

Butters giggled and lifted the guitar and strap off of his shoulder. Kenny glared at him with glazed eyes; he looked more tired than usual and for a brief moment Butters felt bad. But the he figured if he got a couple cups of coffee running through his system he'd be wide awake. Usually.

"Good morning, sunshine!" Butters sang, earning a deep scowl as Kenny ran his hands over his face and scrubbed his hair back from his forehead.

"It's too fuckin' early, that's what is it...?" Kenny glanced to the clock and groaned dismally. It was, in fact, not early at all. And that's what bothered him. But Butters just continued to smile and gently tugged at his arm.

"Early my butt," Butters barked, earning a half-amused look from Kenny, who pulled the blankets back over him but didn't lay down.

"I feel like you're getting eviller and eviller." Butters shrugged as he opened the door and pulled at Kenny's arm. The taller man shook his head and threw himself back on the bed.

"You think I'm evil? At least I'm not putting a snake in your pants..." Kenny smirked and lifted an eyebrow as he looked up at his boyfriend. He pulled him down on the bed, and Butters groaned in slight annoyance as Kenny's hands rested on his sides.

"Oh, _sweetheart_, you realize you don't gotta put a snake in my pants, right? Our gracious God already did that."

"So that's where my pet garter snake went!" Butters cried jokingly, earning a slack-jaw expression from Kenny. "Kidding... I hate snakes." He shivered violently and made a face as he recalled a childhood memory of cleaning the gutters and finding a huge ball of snakes writhing around on their roof. He shuddered once more and tried to think of anything else but that.

"Hey now..." Kenny grumbled with a fake hurt voice. Butters laughed evilly as he crawled up Kenny's legs and straddled him. "_You_ were the one who brought up snakes in pants. I'm only stating a _fact_." Butters rolled his eyes and leaned down to capture Kenny's lips in a kiss.

"So what...? Does your anaconda want some or not?" Butters asked in a purr, Kenny's shoulders shook as he snickered and gazed lovingly up at the bright blonde, who to this day maintained a pure and innocent look.

"Hmm... you got buns, hon. So what d'you think?" Kenny teased. Butters just smiled and pressed his index finger to Kenny's lips.

"Well, I'm thinkin' about stickin'..." Butters murmured before he chortled, earning an eyeroll and a laugh from Kenny before he kissed him once more and laid back on the bed.


	5. All Fired Up

_Author's Note: This fluff is seriously going to be the death of me. _

* * *

Butters felt the uneasy pause from the other line of the telephone and held his breath as he waited for his answer. The twenty-one year old ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip nervously as he hoped for the best answer; otherwise this call was extremely awkward.

"Sure, I can do that," was the answer he received. Butters beamed and suppressed his squeal of delight as he threw a triumphant fist in the air. "When would you want me to do it?"

Butters sighed heavily; it didn't really matter. The fact he could get this to happen was amazing.

"Uh, whenever you're not busy," was the answer he gave. He heard a quiet laugh on the other end and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"How about as soon as I hang up with you? I can't go through the rest of the shift knowing my best worker is wasting precious hours." Butters blushed a little, mostly at the fact that Kenny's manager outright admitted what he knew all along.

"O-okay, if that's convenient for you," Butters managed to mumble.

"Trust me, it's fine. Do you want me to call his cell or your landline?" Butters made a face; he wasn't sure which phone Kenny had said was his primary. He personally always put down his cell phone, because that was the number his own boss could reach him the best at.

"Uh, cell, if that's okay."

"Works for me, but before I do this lemme ask you something," Kenny's manager, David, said. Butters blushed darker and waited for him to question him, "have you two gotten engaged yet? I'm just curious."

He dropped his jaw and found it difficult to remember how to speak. In fact, for a brief moment he thought his heart stopped. He wasn't aware that Kenny's coworkers knew Kenny was interested in men, let alone dating_ him_. He had even gone to visit Kenny at work and no one seemed to think anything different of that.

Except the eyebrow wiggles and the stare downs whenever made a lot more sense.

"Uhh... n-no, we're not..." he stammered, unsure of what else to say. You couldn't just ask him something like that; he'd turn into a stammering mess.

"Huh, okay, just wondering. Haven't you been dating for like three years?"

"Um, well four now..." Butters couldn't help but explain. And now that he thought about it that seemed like a really long time. It had gone by too fast.

"Shit, I married my wife after six months. I wouldn't have pegged him as a patient kind of guy." Butters couldn't help but laugh at that; Kenny was the opposite of patient. Everyone knew that. "Well I should probably get to calling him, especially 'cause it's your special day, huh?" Butters just blushed even more, which he didn't think was possible. "I wish you the best of luck."

"T-thanks, you too," David laughed and Butters heard the beep on his phone, signaling the call ended. He set his phone down and waited until he heard Kenny's phone ringtone, which was "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba, blare from in the bedroom. He waited a couple of seconds before he heard the quiet creak of their bed to go in their bedroom.

"Hullo?" He heard Kenny's voice, heavy with sleep, croak as he tried his best to sound awake. Butters couldn't help but laugh at that; his voice was so different when he first woke up. It was a lot like when he was sick, but when he was sick it made Butters want to burrito-wrap him in blankets and hold him until he felt better.

He heard David speak indistinctly on the other line and he saw Kenny's face grow pale.

"...what? I wasn't scheduled to work today, I've had weekends off the whole month." A brief pause, then, "yes, I double-checked the schedule. You had me write it, remember?"

Butters suddenly felt awful as Kenny's hand shook and he scrambled out of bed and searched with bleary eyes for the black slacks and shirt that made up his uniform.

"David, just... just give me ten minutes. I swear I'll be there, I must have overlooked it just... I _need_ this job, you can't fire me, please?" Kenny begged as he bent his head to prop the phone on his shoulder as he attempted to wriggle in his work pants in a matter of a second.

Whoa. That hadn't been part of what Butters had said. He didn't want to give Kenny a panic attack; he just wanted David to call and say he was late for work. Now he was really gonna get it.

"Say that again?" Kenny blurted, leaving his belt unbuckled as he put his hand back on the phone. His eyes slowly set on Butters, who took a step back. "Oh, _really_?" Butters looked down at the floor and nibbled at his fingertips. His nails were already gone from his anxiety over his midterms. There was nothing left to bite at but the skin around his nails. "I know, I know... yeah I remember, she egged your car and you made Josh clean it." Kenny laughed a little before he nodded and looked back at Butters, who appeared both ready to run and to cry. But Kenny walked over and gently pulled his hands away from his mouth and held his bleeding right hand gently. "I don't think he- yeah... I guess you're right." Another break, and Butters couldn't understand what David said. "All right, all right that's just nasty, and no, I'm not telling you. I'll see you Monday." Kenny promptly hit the "end" button on his phone, then tossed it on the bed as he turned to Butters.

"Listen, before you-" Butters ended up moaning happily as Kenny captured his lips in a kiss.

"First off, that was terrifying," Kenny murmured, before he pressed another kiss to his lips, "second, that was pure genius," his hand ran up his back, causing Butters to shiver and forget about the pain in his thumb from chewing on the skin too much. "Third, I almost _cried_."

"I didn't know he was gonna to tell you you were _fired_, I told him to say you were scheduled today and late for work." Kenny just smiled and caressed his cheek before he leaned down and kissed Butters' nose. "I'm sorry, I didn't want-" Kenny shook his head and hugged Butters tightly. "You're really not mad?'

"No, I deserved it... today at least." Butters smiled smugly, and Kenny sighed heavily. "It was probably your best yet." The bright blonde raised an eyebrow as he looked up at Kenny.

"So you _want_ me to be more evil?"

"The eviller you are, the cuter you are. So... yeah, go ahead, be completely sinister." Butters pouted and pressed his forehead against Kenny's chest. He felt the dark blond run his hands through his hair and keep him in his warm embrace. "No, I'll try to wake up better, I promise. I'm just so tired all the time, but I'll try."

Butters smiled sadly, although Kenny couldn't see it. He really did understand why he slept so much. But he also knew that although Kenny would try, he wouldn't necessarily succeed. It was the thought that counted, he figured.

"Kay," was all he said, "I'm sorry for scaring you." Kenny laughed and shook his head as he put his arms at the back of Butters' legs and lifted him effortlessly. As per usual when he did this, Butters wrapped his legs around Kenny's waist and rested his head on his shoulder as he carried him out to the living room.

"You're like my own human koala bear," Kenny mumbled as he chuckled, before leaning back on the couch. Butters curled up in his lap and tangled their legs together. "So, what d'you wanna do today?"

Butters shrugged. Honestly, he just wanted time with Kenny. He didn't think that was too much to ask. He didn't really care what they did. They could even watch crappy movies all night and make commentary about it; that was something Kenny loved to do.

"We can just stay home," Butters replied softly as he fisted Kenny's shirt. The blonde shook his head and brushed Butters' bangs back from his forehead.

"Nuh-uh, how about... weren't you telling me awhile ago that you've never gone to Pike's Peak?"

"W-well... no, but..."

"We should do that! I mean, not take that boring ass fucking tour. Like, drive up it. Or we could go hiking for a bit, we haven't done that in awhile. Did you know they found a couple frozen there, almost to the top of-"

"Kenny!" Butters cried in horror, "that's awful!"

"Well, they marked it with a cross. I thought it was kinda cool." Butters scoffed but smiled softly as he sat up. "So, d'you wanna? Go hiking or whatever, I mean. Or if you wanted we could take the boring ass fucking tour."

"Is there ass-fucking on that tour? 'Cause then it wouldn't be so boring." Kenny snickered and his nose crinkled slightly as he laughed. The darker blonde shook his head and took Butters' hand in his.

"No, but I'm sure we could change that." Butters let out an astonished laugh and held on to Kenny as he sat up.

"C'mon, maybe we can stop by Yanni's on the way there." Butters eyes lit up and he scrambled off the couch. He knew Kenny wasn't the biggest fan of Greek food, but he loved it, and Yanni's was his favorite restaurant.

"Can we?! I haven't been there in forever, darn it why did you say that?" Kenny just smiled and took his hand as they walked to their room to get dressed for their date.

"Because I love you... and you love Yanni's so..." Butters smiled gently and squeezed Kenny's hand.

"Well, I love you more than Yanni's."

"And you love Yanni's _a lot_." Butters nodded and hummed contentedly as Kenny pinned him against the wall.

"You know... we could have that boring ass-fucking tour here..." Kenny raised an eyebrow, "fine, it's not boring. I'm _trying_ to seduce you." Butters quipped, Kenny rolled his eyes and kissed his neck softly.

"Like you have to fucking try..."

"I'm still getting Yanni's though." Butters chirruped, causing Kenny to laugh.

"Mhmm."

"And... if you can, you can show me the place where those dead people were found."

"...mood killer." Butters pulled his head back and Kenny grinned at him.

"Like you're never in the mood..." the bright blonde scoffed his reply. Kenny just smiled smugly and tapped the back of Butters' knee. Upon instinct, his legs once again wrapped tightly around Kenny's waist.

"Hey, Lee?" Butters nodded and grunted softly as they landed on the bed. "Happy four years."

"The best of my life," Butters replied with a glowing smile at Kenny, who nodded.

"And many more."


	6. The Maternal Alarm Clock

Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to read this silly story. You're all fantastic. . I hope you enjoy this though :).

* * *

Butters woke up with a splitting headache and his body sore from their adventure the day before. It had been too long since they went hiking; it was usually a summer activity they did and lately they haven't had the time, and his body was sincerely regretting the decision yesterday. And the other physical activity they partook in last night after they got home didn't help either.

Butters' bleary eyes focused on the the blue satin ribbon still tied to his right wrist and grumbled lowly as he pulled it off and set it on the nightstand. He glanced to Kenny, whose bare chest was covered in neon body paint, and was completely dead to the world. He would have laughed if his head didn't feel as if it were about to burst; he didn't drink enough to cope with hangovers.

His eyes settled on the clock on his bedside table and he gawked in horror. The clock read 2:38 p.m.; he never slept that late. Suddenly he felt disgusting, as if he had wasted the whole day away. But that was replaced with a painful throb in his head that sincerely made him consider laying back down on Kenny and trying to block out the bright light pouring in through their window.

But his stomach churned with nausea and he knew if he were to puke, and he usually did with his hangovers, laying down would be the worst thing for him. He pulled the blankets off of him and slowly stepped out of the warmth of their bed. He bent down, slipped on his underwear and shirt from last night, and stumbled out of the room as he clutched his head.

He needed coffee. And tons of it.

Once he started the coffee maker, he sat at the table and rested his head against the wood. It felt cool on his skin and he contemplated hitting his head hard enough to pass out; of course if Kenny woke up to that he would have a panic attack so he thought better of that idea and instead massaged his temples.

Butters decided he either need to start exercising and drinking more, or just never participate in any physical activity and drinking ever again. Neither would happen, and next time he'd seriously hate himself for that decision; but as Kenny said that was something for Future Butters to worry about, and that guy is stupid.

"Ursa..." Butters called softly. Their little puppy, who wasn't so little anymore although they had only had him for a month, perked up and ran on clumsy legs to him. Butters picked him up and laid on the couch with him; he was covered in puppy kisses and closed his eyes as he relaxed.

Eventually their coffee maker beeped and he hesitantly got up. After three cups of coffee and eating toast, he decided to contemplate on how to wake Kenny up. He didn't see how waking him up in a cruel manner was necessarily fair today, but at the same time he didn't want to suffer alone.

Except half of the time he was contemplating this idea, he was contemplating while puking up his guts.

His head was screaming and his eyes stung and his body trembled. All he wanted was his mom, and that was really dumb because she didn't accept his "alternative lifestyle" and hadn't talked to him for about three months.

But... his eyes brightened slightly and he picked his head up off the toilet bowl. With his head still pounding violently he stood up on shaky legs, flushed the toilet, and staggered out of the bathroom. He then went to their bed, helped Ursa onto said bed, pulled the blankets over himself and reached for his phone.

If he was feeling this bad and he wanted his mom, then he knew as soon as Kenny woke up he'd feel just as bad and want to talk to _his_ mom. Or, that's what he convinced himself as he dialed the McCormick's phone number.

"Hello?" he heard Carol ask with her southern accent. Butters smiled instantly, he suddenly missed seeing her, and glanced to Kenny.

"Hi Mrs. McCormick, it's Butters." He heard her laugh quietly on the other end and he couldn't help but smile even more.

"Hey sweetie," she said in that calming voice all of the McCormicks seemed to have, "how're you?"

"Could be better, could be worse," he replied, she chuckled and he reached over to Kenny as he brushed back his golden hair. "How're you?"

"Same old, same old, so how was your night last night?" he heard her teasing voice and blushed a little. Of course she knew it was their anniversary, she had been over the moon and had the mindset to buy them a gift; yet Kenny talked her down from that idea because he knew she needed all the money she could get. It's why he sometimes dropped off checks under the name Mysterion.

"Good, we went to Pike's Peak, I hadn't ever gone before and we went hiking which was real nice. But that's kinda what I'm callin' about..." Butters trailed off.

"Did one o' you two pop the question?" The bright blonde's eyes bugged and he felt his cheeks heat even more.

"N-no, we're not engaged..." what? Was four years too long to be together? He didn't understand why it was so important.

"Oh, kay, well.. then what happened last night?"

"It's not... last night. It's this morning."

"Butters, we've been through this before. Ya gotta drink water when you drink. And bread is the best thing for ya," Carol explained softly, although he could hear a slight smile in her voice.

"No, no, I know... I just can't wake Kenny up and I really wanted to spend some time with him today," he knew he was laying it on a little thick. But it was just the gentle push to get Carol McCormick to scold her son. She was generally very loving, except she hated hear her children were lazy. He had heard the same lecture many times when Kenny would sleep late, or didn't do his homework, and he had actually been grounded when he considered dropping out of high school.

"Butters, can you give Kenny the phone?" She asked quietly; he knew she was about to send a loaded gun over to Kenny, who would be tired enough to pull the trigger.

"Y-yeah, just a second." He leaned over and put the phone to Kenny's ear.

"H-hullo?" Kenny asked groggily.

What occurred next briefly reminded Butters of Ron Weasley receiving a howler from his mother in "The Chamber of Secrets". Kenny jumped violently upon hearing his mother's stern bark and stammered quiet mumbles of protest against her.

"W-what? Mom... I-I'm up, I'm up..." Kenny whined, and Butters could briefly hear Carol McCormick say, "bullshit" before she began a long lecture. "Okay, okay, I know... shit, 'm gonna be sick," Kenny gasped as he hurried out of bed. "Kay, sorry. Love you too." He tossed Butters phone at him and put both hands on his temples as he ran on shaky legs to the door. His hand fumbled to open it, and he ended up running into the door.

Butters laughed, which shot bright bursts of pain into his head, and he whined before he rested facedown on the pillow.  
When he heard Kenny start to retch, he slowly got out of the bed and walked to the bathroom. He rubbed Kenny's back and brushed the tendrils of hair from his forehead.

They remained like that, Kenny vomiting and Butters fighting of his nausea, for twenty minutes. Butters was much worse at holding his liquor, but Kenny's best friend was the porcelain god the next day.

"That was..." Kenny moaned, then paused as he heaved and spit out bile, "cruel." His eyes were bloodshot and watery as he leaned back on his knees and rested his head against Butters.

"What?" Butters asked softly. Kenny looked up at him as he breathed heavily before he gripped the toilet bowl and gagged once more.

"You..." he trailed off, taking a slow breath through his nose, "you called my m-mom... to wake me up. That's... cruel." Butters smiled softly and ran his hands through Kenny's hair.

"To be fair I called her because I wanted my mom because I was in your boat and figured once you were awake you'd want your mom." Kenny's eyes softened and he shakily reached for the sink. Butters took his hand and helped him up.

"You wanted your mom?" Kenny murmured quietly. He knew that was still a touchy subject. Butters shrugged and Kenny held up his finger before he brushed his teeth with a shaky hand. Butters did the same, and they both laughed as they "paused" their discussion, as brief as it would be. Because honestly Butters wouldn't mind going back to bed himself.

"Okay, play," Butters said as he dried his mouth. Kenny nodded and leaned his head on the cool wall. "When I get sick I always want my mom. It's dumb."

"It's not dumb, hon. I'm sorry, I think it's fucking dumb she hasn't accepted you... or us. I get that's all a difficult topic but still. You want your mom and so you called my mom, which even though it was to wake me... d'you know what that means to me?" Butters smiled weakly and hummed as Kenny wrapped his arms around him. "It means the world. And please don't ever let me drink again?" Butters couldn't help but laugh at that, and rested against him as they walked back to their room. As the door opened their bed looked so inviting, he curled in the blankets right away and Kenny joined him after pulling the second curtains over the window so less light would shine.

"You not drinking? That's a funny joke..." Kenny smiled softly and lazily wrapped his arms around Butters, who nestled against his chest and listened to his heart beat. "Kenny, I feel like death."

"No, you feel pretty warm to me," Butters furrowed his eyebrows and he just knew Kenny was smiling smugly at his comment. "So, are you gonna wake me in a mean way again if I happen to fall asleep?" he asked, Butters shook his head and closed his eyes as he focused on the beating of Kenny's heart rather than the pounding in his head. "I want you to know that I get it. I get why you want your mom when you're sick, and I'm sorry she hasn't been there for you. But... I hope that someday I can be a good substitute. Or my mom even. Because all I want is for you to be happy and healthy, and you're already a part of my family. My dad even likes you... and that's like... fucked up. But I love you, and I hope you feel better when you wake up." Kenny whispered in his ear with his tired voice. Butters felt tears sting his eyes and he pressed a kiss to Kenny's jaw, which was one of his sweet spots.

"Thank you, Kenny," Butters whispered his reply, "and you're not a substitute... because I want my mom... but I need you. I love you too, so much. So much that... I think we should get up." Butters opened his eyes to see Kenny fake crying as he shook his head.

"No. That is_ meaner_ than waking me up mean." Butters kissed his nose, "Lee, you cannot do that to me. Please let me sleep?" Butters shook his head and Kenny whimpered as Butters pulled him into a sitting position.

"Nope, rise and shine, lover." Kenny shook his head as Butters dragged him out of bed.

"I hate you." The bright blonde turned around and raised an eyebrow as he led Kenny into the living room.

"Nuh-uh, you loooove me," Butters chirped quietly.

"Yeah, and that's what sucks right now," Kenny grumbled as he clutched his head. Butters laughed quietly and looked up at his taller boyfriend.

"No, I suck," Butters replied with a wink. Kenny laughed lewdly, then he let out a quiet yelp as Butters squeezed his bottom, and shook his head before he sluggishly followed him into the kitchen.


	7. Burnout

_Author's Note: This one goes along with the idea of "Fired Up". Kind of. This is the... "alternate" version. Also, I don't recommend doing this. In fact, I don't recommend trying to wake anyone in any of these manners._

_Also, I only post this at this time (about 2:00 in the morning) because I had to wake my roommate for work like ten minutes ago. That being said, I'll probably be the one in Kenny's boat tomorrow. So, there will be three updates this weekend as well. And if I am, in fact, in Kenny's boat then perhaps Butters will be as well. Who knows, right? :)_

_Happy reading!_

* * *

The sun had set beneath the horizon and Butters sighed heavily as he stood on their balcony, overlooking their apartment complex. There wasn't much to look at except the sky, and even then the lights from Denver blocked out the stars. That's something he missed about South Park; the openness, the calm and quiet. He used to hate it but sometimes he really missed that quiet town.

It was going on 6:30 in the evening and he hadn't had the heart to wake Kenny. He was fairly sure his boyfriend was now a complete insomniac; he remembered waking up every hour or so to find Kenny just looking at the ceiling, or him, or the wall. When Butters woke up at 11:00, which was late for him, he was half asleep, and he kept quiet so he could stay asleep.

Only now, seven hours later, he deemed it enough sleep for Kenny and opened the sliding glass door.

He turned on one of the burners on the stove and placed a pan on top of it. He poured in six cups of water, to boil pasta, and would check on it in five minutes, after he woke Kenny.

As he entered their cool room, he scrolled through his cell phone apps, opened up a ringtone finder, and found an alarm. Before he pressed the "play" button, he looked to Kenny, and grimaced. He didn't look as peaceful as he usually did, and the blankets were torn and thrown about. Sometimes Kenny had nightmares; he didn't usually talk about them but it took a lot to frighten Kenny. The look in his eyes after one of his night terrors always caused Butters' heart to ache.

Butters knew as soon as he acted Kenny would be up and running. He was insanely good at doing that. And it didn't help he was a light sleeper; the slightest noise would wake him. But Butters was always quiet when waking up, and always made sure not to bother Kenny; maybe he should stop that. Except, waking him creatively seemed way more fun, so he'd continue.

"Kenny!" Butters cried, feigning the best worried voice. The dark blonde seemed to seize as he flew into a sitting position within a fraction of a second, and looked at Butters with wide bleary eyes. "Fire!"

"Did you try putting it out?!" Kenny cried with a gravelly voice. Butters froze on the spot.

"Uh... yeah. It didn't work," he blurted, and cringed as he saw Kenny yank the door open.

"Go tell management, I'll try to put it out and then I'll call 911 if I can't." Butters bit his lip and lowered his eyes as he walked out of the room. He deserved all of the yelling he would receive as soon as Kenny saw there really wasn't a fire. "No wonder, dude! You didn't turn off the burner... shit!" Kenny cried.

Butters lifted his face and gasped as there was, in fact, a small fire roaring on the stove. Butters gawked in utmost horror and froze on the spot. He actually started a fire. Suddenly the fear of Kenny's wrath left him as fear for their safety crashed in his heart and mind.

The fire seemed to grow as Kenny poured water on it. A loud sizzling was heard and black smoke began to leave residue on the wall behind it, as well as the fridge and metal stove. The fire crackled and Kenny threw more water on it.

Butters watched as Kenny continued this four more times before he filled a gallon pitcher and dumped all of the water on top of the stove. Water slashed all over him, the stove, and floor. With a loud sizzle the fire turned to smoke and seemed to instantly stop.

Kenny pulled off his shirt quickly, he would itch for hours if he wore clothes that were wet and stuck to his skin, and carefully stepped over the puddle of water. He sighed in relief and shook his head as he walked up to Butters.

"Thanks for waking me, any longer and I probably wouldn't have been able to stop that." Butters grimaced and looked down at the floor. "No, you saved us, it was-"

"Therewasn'treallyafire," Butters blurted quickly. Kenny tilted his head, silently asking him to repeat the statement. "I... when I went to wake you... there was no fire..." he trailed off uneasily. He bit his lip as he watched Kenny's realization. "I didn't know that the burner started on fire, and I'm sorry. I just... it was really stupid of me."

"Oh," was all Kenny said before he grabbed a towel and dried off the stove. He then slid around on the floor with the towel under his feet to dry it the best he could. "So you were just trying to wake me?" Butters nodded, "then how come there really _was_ a fire?"

"I dunno," was all he could say. He hadn't even set it on "high"; he never did. There simply must have been friction, or something fell onto the burner. What was said and done couldn't be taken back now, and thankfully Kenny didn't seem very upset about it.

Which weirded Butters out to no end.

He was glad they were safe and nothing had been damaged. He started to cook after he cleaned off the black smoke from the wall and fridge, and Kenny took a shower. They ate dinner together a half an hour later and then Kenny hurried to finish his homework for his online classes.

Literally nothing was said about the fire for the rest of the night. It seemed as if it never happened, it had been an accident after all, but his lung still burned and his eyes were bloodshot from the haze of smoke still in the room.

At about 2:30 in the morning they lay naked and spent as sleepiness began to tug at the mind. Lazily, and when Butters was half asleep, Kenny turned his head to look at the bright blonde and kissed his forehead.

"Hon?" He asked quietly. Butters, with heavily lidded eyes, looked up at his boyfriend, who looked just as tired as him. "I just wanted to say I'm not upset about earlier."

"Kay..." Butters trailed off. Kenny scooted down on the bed and rested his head on Butters' chest. It wasn't often Kenny did that, but Butters loved it when he did. His fingers combed through his hair, although it seemed like such a chore in his current state. "I'm sorry though. And I love you."

"I love you too..." was the reply he received, "but I just wanted to let you know that... you won't know when and you won't know how... but someday, someday, I'll get back at you for that. After all, I'm the first one up on week days, aren't I?"

Butters gulped and slowly looked at Kenny, whose eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. He waited for further explanation but was met with a quiet snuffle, indicating Kenny was starting to come down with a cold.

His threat shot fear right through his bones, to his heart.

This time he was the one who suffered from insomnia the entire night.


	8. A Snowball's Chance

_Author's Note: For anyone who doesn't think this can happen in September... the midwest has crazy weather. One day last year I remember it was a 72 degree day in May and the next day schools were delayed and closed because of ice and snow. This can, and usually will, happen. Also, tomorrow is going to be a tad different based on my revenge wake-up today. _

_...I really must warn you: No matter if you're living with a roommate, a significant other, older/younger siblings, or even parents do **not** try this at home on a regular basis. Your victim can, and will, at any point in time seek revenge. And usually it's brutal. _

_Specifically speaking, I'm pretty sure mine shared brainwaves with Montana-Bob._

_Happy reading :). I'm now off to find some ibuprofen and glare. _

* * *

He knew people were giving him odd looks as they passed by but he didn't really care. He figured he did look rather odd, but to him it didn't matter. They could think whatever they wanted; all of the people in their apartment were odd, anyway. Some were completely messed up but he never said a bad word about them; Kenny just made sure to walk with him whenever he had to go on the third floor.

But he supposed putting snowballs in a laundry basket was kind of weird. Not to him, yet no one took the time to ask why. If they did, then they would deem him in the right and probably congratulate him on his clever thinking.

It had taken him a long time to figure out how he wanted to wake Kenny today. He wasn't really in the mood because it had started to snow, but it always snowed in September, and he hated it. Summer was gone much too soon and they would live in bitter temperatures for about ten months. They seriously needed to move somewhere warmer.

But as he watched the snow fall, and thought about how much he despised the snow, he realized Kenny hated it even more than him. Mostly because snow meant colds and Kenny went from allergies to colds faster than Butters could snap his fingers. It was unfortunately adorable, and Butters kept him on medicine for it mostly for his benefit of seeing him loopy and snuggly.

So now here he was, making snowball after snowball, and putting them in the laundry basket. It was about a quarter full, and the one he was currently making would be his last. Their neighbors from across the hall gave him a look as he righted himself and lifted the basket. He glanced down, smiled at his handiwork, and tucked the laundry basket against his side as he walked to their apartment complex.

Butters had to move fast. He didn't want the snowballs to start melting, and that would be a bitch to clean up. He figured the elevator would be too slow and he didn't exactly trust them as he once was locked in it for an hour and forty seven minutes with a box of Cheerios and a dirty diaper. Kenny had ended up prying the doors open and used Butters' "emergency comfort kit", which consisted of blankets, hot cocoa, and Hello Kitty, for three hours.

He shivered at that thought and turned to the stairs. He hurried up the first flight and too a right, down the hall. Butters pulled out his key from his pocket, fumbled with the set, and quietly unlocked the door. As soon as he opened the door he was greeted with a surge of warmth that smelled and felt like home, and he instantly relaxed.

Except he had a job to do.

Breathing a sigh, he opened the door to their room and set the laundry basket down on the floor. Butters couldn't help but grin as he saw Kenny had kicked off the blankets sometime in his sleep, and wore nothing but his boxers. Kenny despised clothes, and half the time he never even wore boxers to bed. He must have been too tired from when he got home from work to take them off. Butters had passed out long before his shift was done and didn't even remember him coming home.

The fact he was just about naked made his wake up even better. To Butters, at least.

He picked up one of the neatly compacted snowballs and pulled his arm back. After the initial attack he would have to throw as many as he could before Kenny either lunged at him or ran out of the room screaming. Butter wasn't quite sure which was more likely to happen; it was about a 50/50.

As he remained poised with his arm curled back, he focused his eyes on his obvious target; Kenny's bottom. Biting his lip, Butters chucked the snowball and choked on his laugh as Kenny's legs kicked and he jolted up in surprise.

"What the fuck...?" Kenny asked, then cried out as Butters threw two more snowballs at him. One hit his side, the other narrowly avoided the side of his face and smashed on the wall. "You mother fucker!" Kenny cried, laughing in astonishment as Butters tossed one and hit his chest now.

"Good morning!" Butters chirruped brightly and held a snowball in front of him as Kenny now walked slowly toward him with a half glare, half mirthful expression. Either way it looked devious and Butters knew he was in a ton of trouble. "I only do it because I _love you_!"

Kenny gasped and shouted as Butters smashed the snowball in his face. He wiped the snow from his eyes and cheeks, and glared with ice-blue eyes at Butters, who took a step back and was prepared to reach for another snowball.

"Oh, you're in deep shit now," Kenny growled a warning, remaining stock still as his eyes looked Butters up and down, and not in a way Butters would have minded; now he felt like prey.

He yelped as, in the flash of an eye, Kenny filled his arms with snow balls and started throwing them at him. Butters scrambled out of their room and couldn't help but laugh as he cried out in surprise as he felt the impact of the ice and snow on his back, his bottom, the back of his head, and his legs.

"Nooo!" Butters shrieked as he felt Kenny tackle him to the ground. They pushed and shoved against each other as they wrestled on the living room floor.

The bright blonde whined as Kenny pinned him to the ground with his arms twisted in an awkward way as he used his lower half to hold down his legs.

"You should know not to pick a fight with a middle child," Kenny said, before pecking his nose with a quick kiss.

"I won that one time..." Butters trailed off miserably. "I'm just glad you're up."

At that, Kenny collapsed on top of him, rested his head on his chest, and snored loudly. Butters grunted as the darker blonde put his entire weight on him, which wasn't much, but considering it was deadweight and Butters was pinned to the floor it was highly uncomfortable.

"Keeeeen..." Butters pleaded, trying to push his shoulders up, "c'mon, I can't breathe..." Kenny lifted his torso from Butters and leaned his weight instead on his hands, as he looked down at his boyfriend with a tired grin.

"You were the one who initiated an illegal snowball fight," Kenny said, "and it's not my fault you make a really comfy pillow. I should lay on you more often," Butters blushed and shivered as Kenny ran his fingers through his hair. It felt like locks of silk in his fingers.

"I wouldn't mind," Butters mumbled, "and I don't mind bein' the big spoon sometimes either."

"I know, you just fall asleep first and I, being the nice and loving boyfriend I am, _don't_ try to wake you when I'm getting into bed," Butters rolled his eyes and sighed softly.

"There's a difference between three in the morning and six at night." Kenny scoffed and pressed their foreheads together.

"But it's not six. It's four." Butters huffed and lightly smacked Kenny's cheek. "So fine, when I wanna be the little spoon and I wanna lay on you then I'll just turn you over and do it!"

"Fine, but I might punch you..." Kenny pouted and nodded. "Again, I'm sorry."

"I know, that black eye would just not go away though! I got a good laugh outta it, at least." Kenny murmured, then ran his fingers down his sides. Butters' skin prickled and he laughed quietly as the darker blonde kissed from his neck to his throat.

"I still gotta make it up to you for that," Butters mumbled as he traced his thumb over the yellowing skin around his eye. The dark blonde smirked and circled his thumbs over Butters' hip bones.

"Emergency Kenny Comfort Kit?" He breathed, the bright blonde laughed as his boyfriend undid his jeans and slid them down his legs.

"Comfort and sex should not be synonymous," he replied. Kenny just gave him a look and hoisted him in his arms.

"That's why comfort sex was invented, duh," was the response given before his neck was attacked with tiny kisses.

"Why is it that every time I wake you, you end up _back_ in bed?" Butters fumbled to ask against Kenny's ministrations. He felt the twenty one year old smile smugly against his skin and pull at the waistband of his underwear.

"Because you're my comfort kit. And my irresistible charm works its wonders to get your pants off." The bright blonde scoffed but smiled nonetheless.

As Kenny collapsed on the bed with Butters straddling him, he yelped and quickly scrambled to get off of the mattress. Butters still had his legs around him, and he looked down at Kenny, this was the only time he could say he was taller, and tilted his head.

"The fucking snowballs..." Kenny trailed off, "the bed is _soaked_."

Butters just looked at his dejected expression and burst out laughing in his arms.

He had won today after all, he thought with a smile. Except that smile was almost immediately knocked off his face from the sudden force of crashing on the couch with his limbs tangled with Kenny's.


	9. Butters' Chainsaw Massacre

_Author's Note: Doing something a little different today. I'm sure you won't mind though. But this one can definitely go down as "Butters' Guide on How to **Not** Wake Your Permanent Roommate"._

_And this is **exactly** what happens if you sleep later than the one you are using slightly cruel tactics to wake up. They get the worst possible revenge._

_Oh, and this one goes out to Montana-Bob._

Enjoy :).

* * *

The sun was bright as it poured in through the windows. Kenny grunted quietly in his half-asleep state and turned away from the window and burrowed his head in Butters' back. His arm was wrapped around his boyfriend so he could feel the gentle rise and fall of his breaths as he slept, and as he laid there he realized something.

He was awake before Butters.

Both annoyance and mischief buzzed in his brain, although he had a bit of a headache and a bit of a nauseous stomach. Every Sunday he promised he'd never drink again, and every Sunday he was face down, practically sobbing as he puked up his guts. It was a vicious cycle he'd keep repeating.

Kenny's head throbbed as he pulled away from Butters and turned back around. White pain stabbed his head and he winced, eyes still closed, as he faced the damnable light. Slowly his strained eyes open and he read the time.

It was 1:17 in the afternoon.

This was weird for him, because usually he woke up at about 1:05 and Butters wasn't in bed. That being said, he would try his best to go back to sleep and wake up before his kind and loving boyfriend would get the idea to scare him half to death. Usually, he slept way longer than he planned, and a big part of him felt awful for wasting an entire day.

But at the same time... _sleep_.

As Kenny looked at the clock, something clicked in his brain. A slow grin spread across his face and he carefully crawled out of bed to not wake Butters. He bent backward, popping his back and causing what seemed like hundreds of tiny machine guns to sound. As soon as he felt the slightly painful but mostly relieving whatever-bone in his lower back to either slide back into place or adjust from the pressure, he righted himself from a near-Matrix bend and quickly popped his shoulders and arms.

Much better.

He walked to their dresser, opened the third shelf, and grabbed a pair of his boxers. It was kind of weird because they both wore the same size and Kenny wouldn't care about wearing his, but Butters seemed very opposed to the idea. Then again, half the underwear in Butters' collection was women's underwear, which of course Kenny didn't mind in the slightest.

He closed the drawer, wriggled into the dark grey boxers and grudgingly put on a pair of sweatpants and an old baggy t-shirt. Once he was more dressed than usual, he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and tried to calm the mess that was at one point in time considered hair, but now appeared to be the product of lightning and friction.

By the time he had two cups of coffee and a bagel Butters still hadn't woken up. This was quite unsettling to him but at the same time was the perfect opportunity to get his sweet revenge. He didn't want to hurt Butters, necessarily, but just show him what it's like to be on the opposite end of the stick. He smirked and laughed a little at that, and grabbed his keys from the table before he walked out of their apartment.

Their neighbors looked at him strangely as he walked quickly from the lobby and outside in his pajamas and bare feet. He didn't understand why they thought something like that was weird, but shrugged it off and went down the sidewalk to the garages.

They were tiny garages that left barely enough room for a car, and he didn't park his baby in there. He didn't mind scraping his windows in the morning, but he put it in their rent for Butters to have. There was, however, a shelf for storage, and considering he helped Kevin work on cars and various jobs, he had a toolbox, as well as a chainsaw.

He grabbed the saw and exited the garage quietly. If there neighbors stared at him before then they'd really stare at him now.

And they did. In fact, he was pretty sure their next door neighbor Beth went to go report him to the management. They always reported them, though, and their manager got rather bored after awhile. Although he and Butters got a laugh when they filed a noise complaint on the fact that Kenny can make quiet Butters a screamer. It didn't help Kenny had been tied to the headboard that kept banging on the wall.

He figured if their neighbors were homophobic then they would just have to deal with it for a few more months; Kenny almost had saved enough for a down payment on a house; Butters' graduation present.

Jim gave him a disgusted look and Kenny just smiled as he unlocked the door. He quickly shut it behind him and opened the living room closet. He pulled down a small box and beamed when he found exactly what he was looking for; a bloody, grotesque clown mask.

Once the mask was in place, he grabbed the end table from the couch and tip-toed to their room. Silently, he opened their bedroom door and set the table right above Butters' head. A part of him sincerely hoped he wouldn't wake up and jump up in fear, but most likely he would. And he hated to admit it but he would laugh way too much at that. And then he'd be in trouble... but it would be so worth it.

Before he started the saw, he took off the chain and set it on the bed. The last thing he needed was to cut their bed, or cut off one of his limbs. He wasn't sure which was more likely to happen, but he didn't want to take the chance to find out.

Biting his lip, he yanked on the cord and heard it rumble but not start. He sighed heavily, adjusted the choke, and checked to see if Butters had woken up. He hadn't, but took a deep breath that sounded like something of a snore; Butters would never believe him if Kenny admitted he snored. And then he'd be embarrassed, so he just decided to never tell him.

Kenny pulled the rope once more and the chainsaw roared to life. He was leaned in close to Butters, who jumped like a frightened cat. Butters wide eyes stared in pure horror at Kenny and he screamed before shooting up to run away. Instantly, instead of mirth, Kenny was filled with remorse and worry as he heard Butters heart-wrenching, blood-curdling scream.

He had never seen someone move so fast and by the time he turned off the saw it was too late. Butters was leaning back on the bed, trembling and clutching his head as his shoulders shook.

Kenny ripped off the mask, threw it, and set down the saw before he pulled the end table off the bed and ran it out into the living room. He returned to find Butters still holding his head, and tears had fallen down his cheeks.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so so so so so sorry," Kenny murmured, kneeling on the bed as he outstretched an arm to Butters. The bright blonde let out a shaky breath as he looked at Kenny and tears were fighting to fall, "C'mere, it's just me, baby." Butters let out shuddered gasp and rested his head on Kenny's shoulder.

Well, it hadn't been funny at all. He figured they could both have a good laugh about it and Butters would vow revenge in the worst way and Kenny would be too nervous to sleep for awhile. But instead they were laying here, Kenny holding a terrorized Butters and calming him down with gentle caresses and soft kisses to the head.

"Why..." Butters began quietly, as he looked up at Kenny with bleary eyes. "Why would you _do_ that?" Kenny shrugged and held him tighter.

"I woke up first... my tired mind went to revenge and I didn't think it through."

"Well, you and I have completely different ideas for scare tactics..." Butters growled as he wiped his eyes from sleep and tears. He had calmed down significantly. "You could have just done the chainsaw. The mask was uncalled for... you know I hate clowns."

"I'm sorry, hon. I should have thought it through better." Butters scoffed and sighed as he looked up at Kenny. "The table was mean too. How is your head?"

"I feel like it's split in two." Butters mumbled, grimacing as Kenny brushed his fingers over his forehead. A bump was starting to appear, and his head was throbbing in pain. "I have never been so scared in my life. I thought I was going to die." Kenny wore a face of pure dejection and he held Butters tighter.

"I would never let you die, dammit, I'm sorry..."

"But... I get why you did it. I mean, you wake up to cruel and unusual methods and you also grew up with a Kevin. So I get it. Just don't do it again, please." Kenny laughed softly and nodded as he pressed a kiss to Butters' temple.

"I promise. I will never, ever, do anything like-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. They both looked at each other, and Butters sighed as he slowly slid out of bed. Kenny walked with his arm protectively around his waist and stood behind him as he opened the door.

Their apartment manager, Derek, stood with their neighbors Beth and Jim, and Kenny smiled innocently at Butters. The bright blonde sent his boyfriend a death glare before he turned around and smiled happily at the three.

"Good afternoon, is something wrong?" Butters asked politely. Derek looked at them with a face of amusement, and Beth and Jim looked ready to kill.

"Your neighbors told me there was a chainsaw brought into your apartment and were worried for your safety. Is everything okay in here?" Derek asked, looking between the two. Kenny nodded, and Butters sighed and blushed darkly as he looked at the floor.

"Uh, yeah." Kenny said, Butters nodded and glanced at his taller boyfriend, who looked a little worried.

"No, everything's fine. We're sorry... we... well, we lost the key to our handcuffs and Kenny gets a little carried away." Butters murmured with a soft laugh. The dark blonde gawked at Butters, who maintained an air of fake confidence as he looked at their neighbors.

Beth turned around and walked away immediately. Jim shook his head, muttered a quiet insult that neither of them cared about, and Derek laughed in awe as he shook his head.

"For real?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Butters shook his head.

"No, he scared the shit outta me with that thing. I'd like to file a complaint on _him_." The brunette just shook his head and smiled at the two.

"You'll have to take that up with him, Butters. Now I'm supposed to give you a warning, but off the record, thanks for making my day. So there is your warning. Now, be safe, you two." He said, waved, and walked down the hall.

Kenny stared in disbelief at Butters, who smiled impishly in response.

"Did you really just do that?!" He cried, shutting the door and locking it. Butters shrugged and nodded before he rested his head on Kenny's chest and pressed him against the door.

"Yep. Maybe I will lose those keys now, huh, mister? Just know that now... you have just made yourself open to a whole new world of hurt. I was being _nice_." Butters growled in his ear, before standing on tip toes and bit the lobe.

"O-oh?" Kenny gasped, face flushed as Butters worked him up; damn him for knowing all the spots to make him come undone. "What are you gonna do n-now?" He shuddered.

"You can't even imagine," Butters bit down on his collar bone. "But I warn you, Kenneth Daniel... you should be scared, because..."

"I can't be scared _now_..." he smiled and rolled his eyes, then moaned as Butters yanked hard on his hair.

"You should always be scared... because... you know what?"

"H-hmm?"

They were a mess of arms and legs as they landed on the living room floor. Kenny actually felt a little nervous as his innocent, adorable boyfriend, looked down at him with mischievous eyes and an almost sadistic smirk.

"_Game. On_."


	10. And the Pincers

_Author's Note: This week has been ridiculous. Here is today's installment a little late. I hope you enjoy! Also, this is NOT a good method of revenge._

_Also I uploaded this on my phone originally, so any mistakes I have now corrected.  
_

_If anyone understands the title and/or the name references (which all of you should and I'd be surprised if you didn't) then you are awesome._

* * *

Butters wasn't quite sure how to one-up Kenny's stunt last week. He had a wonderful goose egg for three days and headaches for four. On the plus side their neighbors hadn't bothered them, even when Butters was pretty sure Kenny broke the sound barrier during their Friday-night celebration.

Except, the more he thought about it, Kenny had played into his biggest fears. He had always been terrified of clowns, ever since he dressed up as one for Halloween and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and he was also afraid of loud noises. Thunderstorms were his mortal enemy, and there were many sleepless nights Kenny endured so Butters would feel safe during them. Kenny had played right into his two biggest fears, which was probably a move taken from the cards of his older brother Kevin, and he didn't appreciate it one bit.

But, Butters could fight fire with fire. Unbeknownst to anyone else Kenny was afraid of several things. He wore this persona around his friends that made them think he had nothing to fear. And because of Kenny's little antics last Sunday he might as well pull one out of the cards of Professor Chaos.

Butters knew Kenny was afraid of mice and rats. The stories he told him were heartbreaking and Butters could imagine why Kenny struggled to sleep now. It wasn't necessarily the rodents Kenny was afraid of, but the diseases they carried with them as well as the fear of being bitten in the middle of the night. The closest he came to being bitten was he woke up to a rat crawling up his arm, to his ear. That being said, Kenny did have a pet rat named Fievel after he saved it, as a baby, from being attacked by one of the stray cats. In fact, Fievel became such a big part of his life that he made the move to Denver with them, and died last year. It still didn't stop him from being afraid, though.

Kenny was also afraid of insects; specifically cockroaches and spiders. For similar reasons as rats, except he had woken up once with a spider in his mouth and cockroaches in his shirt and flying around his room.

However, like Fievel, Kenny had made acquaintances with a spider that hung on the corner of the ceiling in the bathroom. Apparently, it greeted him every morning before most normal human beings were awake.

Kenny had managed to keep his "friend" a secret until Butters woke up one morning for water and heard Kenny say in his tired, innocent-sounding voice, "Good morning, Charlotte."

Butters opened the door in confusion because he didn't know when Kenny's dick transitioned from "Sargeant Shaft" to "Charlotte", and screamed when he saw the little black spider hanging in front of Kenny's face, almost eye to eye, above the toilet.

Eventually after getting used to the fact that neither of them would kill Charlotte, Butters grew used to her presence. And when she eventually died, Kenny actually seemed a little sad.

Butters wasn't sure if he could be mean enough to scare Kenny like that, though. Resorting to childhood trauma was awful... but at the same time, Kenny kind of did. And it's something Professor Chaos would do. And he was Professor Chaos, after all, so deep down he knew he had it in him.

The problem for Butters was he was afraid of those things as well. But, he could suck it up and do it for the good of the cause, because it was worth it to scare the shit out of Kenny. He had even made a special trip to the exotic pet store, found the most disgusting spider he could possibly stand to look at, and had them box it three times as he put it in the trunk. He kept shuddering as he drove home, and carried the box with two fingers on either side, as far away from him as possible.

Just his luck; his neighbors were also coming home. They looked at him as he kept the box away from him, and gave glances to each other. He saw Beth whisper to her husband, who sent him a disapproving glare and quickly shut the door to their apartment.

"Yeah, well, you're old enough to go into a nursing home," he grumbled, then stuck his tongue out in a Kenny-like manner.

Butters set down the box, unlocked their door, and then gently kicked the box inside.

He stared at with wide eyes and suddenly scratched his arms as he felt a crawling sensation over his skin. Butters bit his lip, took a couple of deep encouragement breaths, then furiously opened the first box and yanked out the smaller box. One more to go and he'd be looking at baby Aragog.

"You can do this," he told himself; anxiety clutched his heart and he took a step back. "This is for revenge. Kenny deserves it, and you don't have to go in that room until that damn spider is dead."

They would both probably sleep out in the living room for the next six months, or however long it took them to find the curled up body of Butters' revenge.

With a whine of total discomfort, Butters pulled out the small plastic box and tried his best not to toss it when he saw the large hairy legs climbing at the walls of its confinements. The spider was disgusting and huge, and this suddenly seemed like a terrible idea.

For added measure, he unlocked his phone and pressed "record" on his camera. He carried the camera in his left hand, showed the spider, and closed his eyes before he walked to their room. As soon as he entered the warm room, he saw Kenny sprawled out on his back and faltered. If that spider went near his mouth Butters would feel awful for the rest of his life.

But for two nights he had nightmares of serial killer clowns, so this was justified.

Butters set the camera down on the dresser and walked slowly up to Kenny's sleeping form. His hand was at the lid of the spider's "home" and he held the box over Kenny's chest. He tilted it slightly, pulled off the lid and bit back a scream as he flung the huge spider out of the box.

He didn't even wait for Kenny to wake up before he grabbed his phone, bolted out of the room and slammed the door.

Apparently the sudden ruckus woke Kenny, because after a few seconds from his escape from their now torture-room, he heard Kenny scream. And not his usual shout or exclamation of surprise. No, this was one of the girliest screams Butters had ever heard from anyone. The scream was followed by a loud thud and a crash, then another thud as Kenny probably ran into the wall.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! SHIT! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, OH SICK, FUCKING SICK, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR, YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"

Butters was pretty sure he had never heard anyone say that amount of "fucks" in years, other than when he and Kenny decided to be a little rough.

The door sung open; Kenny was ashen-faced and in nothing but his underwear as he slammed the door shut as he scrambled out of the bedroom. He grabbed a trash bag, put it under the door so the spider couldn't get out, and after the quick burst of adrenaline wore off, he collapsed in a sitting position and scratched ceaselessly at his arms.

He looked shaken, a different kind of scared than Butters had looked after last week's antics, and his hands and fingers were constantly clawing at his skin and hair. It was like watching someone strung out on meth or heroin, as well as how Kenny was when he was seventeen, and it nearly brought tears to Butters eyes.

The bright blonde sat down next to Kenny and put both of his hands on top of Kenny's, halting his movements. He could feel him tremble, and the stricken look on his face reminded him of a child.

"Kenny, are you okay?"

"N-no, that thing crawled up my God damn neck. I'm not fucking "okay"." He replied angrily, his voice wavered a bit and sounded thick, as if he were fighting off tears. But his eyes were dry. "And I know... I know I did that to you b-but... why a fucking spider?"

"What about Charlotte?" Butters asked gently, Kenny just glared. Okay, this time he was angry. Shit.

"She was different. She greeted me with her eight eyes every morning as I took a piss and she'd eat the flies. She didn't try to get in my fucking mouth. And she was little... not a... a fucking tarantula."

"It wasn't _actually_ a-"

"Dammit, I don't fucking care what kind of spider it was, Leopold." Kenny snapped, brushing his hands off of him and stood up on shaky legs. His knees popped and he ran a hand through his hair as he began to pace.

"Sure, fine, but it doesn't matter that you did the same thing to me? You know I'm scared of clowns _and_ loud noises. At least I didn't get a cockroach _with_ Aragog." Butters retorted; he didn't mean to sound angry, but he was a little confused and a little annoyed that Kenny was so angry. It wasn't fair that he could be angry but Butters could just cry it out and be done. That's not how Butters worked; he had more of a temper than Kenny and they both knew that.

Kenny huffed and scratched at his shoulders, then sat down on the couch. He stood up a moment later, and reached behind and scratched the middle of his back.

"It does matter, I feel awful, okay? I shouldn't have even done it and I'm sorry. But... God..."

"Did you kill it?" Butters finally asked after a few minutes of tension-filled silence. Kenny scoffed and shook his head.

"Doubt it, that thing like... flew. Dude, I can't go in that room ever again."

"...you know we could call management to get it out." Kenny shook his head.

"Yeah, like they aren't looking for a reason to kick us out already. We'd be better off calling _Cartman_ and paying for his flight."

"No, he's afraid of spiders too. It'd be Wendy." Kenny smiled faintly and looked at Butters with those little kid eyes that he rarely ever saw. Those were the moment Butters walked on eggshells because Kenny was a little vulnerable; and those moments were few and far between. "But... I didn't think about that... I can't go in there and get him, Ken."

"Yeah, and then it's a her and she's pregnant and has hundreds of spider babies that infest our clothes and bed and..." he trailed off with a violent shudder. Butters put an arm around his shoulder, and pulled him closer.

"We can get new clothes. And the couch is a sofa sleeper." Kenny scoffed.

"Yeah, that Karen'll be using over fall break." Butters grimaced.

"We could all share it! Like that one time at my house in our junior year." Kenny laughed hollowly and nodded. That was a night none of them would forget, for many different reasons.

"Or we could just get a new place," Butters laughed loudly at that, and shook his head at Kenny, who kept a faint smile.

"Very funny. I'm sorry, Ken. I... well I didn't know how bad it was..."

"I _told_ you," there was that little kid tone again. "You just don't get over that shit."

"C'mere, I'm sorry, honest. I just thought, well... revenge." Butters mumbled as they hugged. Butters kissed Kenny's forehead, and he could hear his breathing was still uneven. "You're really not going to go in that room ever again?"

"If it was a wolf spider or something, sure. But that's a fucking tarantula or whatever the hell that asshole is. I ain't stepping in there for anything." Kenny mumbled in his shoulder, "and did you really name that fucker?"

"Yeah. Aragog... maybe Ursa would catch him."

"That dog is afraid of frogs, he isn't going anywhere near that monster." Kenny said with a small laugh. "We're just stuck with sleepaway beds and blanket forts until Aragog dies. Fucking tarantula... Charlotte was a cutie, she was my buddy, and he would have _eaten_ her. This is your worst one yet. I'm still shaking, you dick." Kenny grumbled but smiled nonetheless.

And Butters knew it was his worst, or best, one yet because Kenny was jumpy the rest of the night. He finally did fall asleep, on the sofa sleeper, and Butters could tell he was restless and had trouble staying asleep. Maybe he would be nice and not wake him tomorrow... if he managed to sleep later than Butters. He didn't think it would be possible after what he did. Butters felt awful, but a little bit justified as he lay in the uncomfortable bed holding Kenny and brushing his hair back with his fingers.

Based on how things went he was pretty sure they would never step foot in their bedroom again, except for necessary reasons. Eventually they realized they were both awake and considered venturing into their room. Neither of them could gather the courage to do so, however, and held each other in the dark of the night. Butters felt his anxiety kick in because it usually didn't take him this long to fall asleep and he started freaking out that Aragog could have gotten out of their room. After sharing this fear with Kenny he felt Kenny shake and wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying, but he sounded okay when he responded with an even more morbid though. They both decided to take Butters' sleeping pills.

They never spoke of it again, but every night they lay awake a little extra longer wondering where that spider ventured off to...


	11. Something New

_Author's Note: Yeah, after yesterday's chapter I decided to give some fluff because... fluff is always good. So here is the fluff._

* * *

Butters woke up with a pain in his back from the broken spring in the sofa sleeper. He grimaced as he stood, and turned to pop his back to help alleviate the pain. It didn't really work.

The first thing he did was check the door to make sure the trash bag hadn't moved. Aragog was still reigning king in their bedroom and he suddenly felt like charging in there with shoes in each hand, ready to throw at the monster of a spider. But as long as he was in there and not with them he could survive. He then made coffee and ate a pack of yogurt before he got back in bed with Kenny. There was no point in trying to wake him in a cruel manner today; he'd wake up on his own after being annoyed with hearing the television.

The bright blonde scanned the channels and finally decided to watch an episode of "Doctor Who". Karen had gotten him into the show years ago, and he was fairly sure he would never stop watching. Kenny watched it sometimes with him as well, but it wasn't at the top of his list. He preferred "The Walking Dead".

Kenny stirred in his sleep and scooted closer to Butters. He lifted his head and positioned Kenny so he would lay on his chest. Butters smiled as his thin fingers clutched at his shirt and sighed softly in content.

"Kenny?" Butters asked softly as he caressed his back. The dark blonde moaned and shook his head as he burrowed his head deeper into his shirt.

"No. Stay." He smiled and brushed the long locks of hair from Kenny's forehead as he continued to sleep on him. Except Butters knew he was beginning to wake up, which he wouldn't mind at all. He really wasn't looking forward to being mean today. And it had been a little later when Butters decided to finally get up; but last night had been awful for sleeping and his sleeping pills usually worked for six hours or more.

"I'm here," Butters replied and pulled the blanket up higher. Kenny hummed at that, and wrapped his arms around Butters.

There was a spot on Kenny's back that he hated being touched. Butters wasn't sure if it was ticklish, or if it hurt. But sometimes he'd touch it, either when he was awake or asleep, and Kenny would either squirm or move his hand away. This time he applied a little pressure as his thumb pressed into it, and Kenny tensed a little.

"Uh-uh," was all he said, then opened his sleepy blue eyes. Butters could never get over how adorable he looked when he first woke up. He knew he'd always have that tired, innocent expression with those wide blue eyes of his; even when they were old and grey he was sure Kenny would still have that youthful look.

"Does it hurt?" Butters asked, Kenny shook his head and rested in the crook of Butters' shoulder.

"No..." Kenny replied, voice muffled in Butters' shirt. "It's sensitive... now shush, Warm."

Butters smiled a little and laughed as Kenny kissed his throat.

"See, you should wake me like _this_. Warm and comfortable and cuddly... not with a fucking spider or turkey or wake up calls from my mother."

"Your mother likes to talk to you and wishes you'd call her more often." Kenny sighed and bit his chest in response. "Well it's true," he mumbled.

"My mother will be there, she knows I'm busy... so shush, I'm trying to sleep." Butters put his hands on either side of Kenny's face and shook his head back and forth. "Why not?"

"'Cause you're awake."

"Nuh-uh, you're talking to sleep-talking Kenny. Kenny is really asleep because Kenny went to bed three hours ago." Butters sat up suddenly and Kenny groaned in discomfort as his neck was bent awkwardly from his boyfriend's sudden movements. He landed on Butters' lap, however, and wrapped his arms around his knee.

"Why would you do that?"

"I did things." Butters rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. Go figure.

"Did you manage to kill Aragog?"

"Fuck that." Kenny said almost rudely, then grunted as he slowly sat up. His eyes were heavily bagged and he looked half out of it. "I did figure out another uh... solution to our infestation problem, though." Butters tilted his head, "well, I had the solution but I didn't think I'd use it right away."

"Speak English," Butters replied.

"And I'm the one who's had like three hours of sleep. Ugh, how 'bout I just show you?" Butters simply gave him a blank expression and Kenny slowly rolled out of bed. He popped his back and walked to the table, where his keys and wallet were placed. Butters glanced to the keyholder then turned to Kenny, who was examining each of his keys. He took one off of the chain, then handed it to Butters.

"What does this go to?" He asked curiously, then sighed as Kenny pulled on his hoodie and shoes. "We're going out?" Kenny shook his head, ran his hand through his tousled hair, and led Butters out the door. "Okay, why aren't you talking?"

"If I talk, I will end up spoiling it. So hush." Kenny simply replied as he ran down the hall, to the stairs, with Butters' hand in his.

"Okay, fine, are you driving?" Kenny nodded and Butters rolled his eyes, "you're about to pass out, I don't think-"

"I drive like this every day, I function better. C'mon."

They sat in Kenny's old car and he hurried out of the parking lot. Butters stared with wide eyes as he was pushed back against the seat from Kenny's near-reckless driving. He had grown used to it over the years but sometimes, like now, it still surprised him.

Kenny's eyes were drooping as he drove the same route he did to work. Butters turned on the air conditioning; it rattled loudly and Kenny turned the knob from high to low. The rattling ceased slightly and he patted the console of his old car.

Butters' eyebrows furrowed as they pulled into a small driveway. Ahead of him was a small house, kind of like a bungalow. He then turned to the dark blonde and wore a look of total confusion as Kenny turned off the car and pulled out the key from Butters' pocket.

"W-what?"

"I uh... happy way early graduation present?" Kenny asked sheepishly. Butters covered his mouth in total awe and looked to the house once more. He shook his head and Kenny grinned toothily.

"You... you bought a house?!" Butters cried, then flailed his arms emphatically. The dark blonde nodded and got out of the car. Butters, on shaky legs, followed suit.

"Yeah... I finally got enough for the down payment... so... I was gonna tell you after your finals. I didn't want to stress you out with moving. And... Christmas present. But..." Kenny trailed off, "you brought the damn spider and I said I'm never sleeping in there again."

"_Soyouboughtahouse..._" Butters gushed, then ran up the driveway, to the front porch stairs. He dropped the key and raked his fingers through his hair as he looked in awe at the house. Their house. It was small, but much bigger than their apartment. They didn't have nosy neighbors, and they would have all the privacy they needed and _wanted_. No more paper thin walls. "K-Ken, you're serious?" Tears welled in his eyes as he took his hands in his and nodded. Butters choked back a happy sob as he kissed Kenny fervently and held him close.

"I'm serious... I mean... we could move if we needed to later on but I took future plans into consideration and the mortgage is in our price range, especially after we graduate and get better jobs. And there's a good backyard for Ursa... and there's a second room we could use for a... an office or... something..."

"You're thinking about our future?" Butters asked with a growing smile. Kenny raised an eyebrow, cleared his throat, and nodded.

"Course, that's what we're looking at now, right? I promise you're gonna love it... there's a breakfast nook just like at your old house and the backyard is big like my old one. We can grill even in the winter like me and Kevin did with my dad... Karen too sometimes, she was the best with steak... when we could afford it... Oh!" Kenny broke from his reverie and saw Butters looking at him with a gentle expression. "And the closets are made out of cedar so-"

"No spiders!" Kenny beamed and nodded before kissing him again.

"No spiders. No _Aragog_." They both laughed giddily and walked up to the door to their new house. Butters put the key in the lock and turned to Kenny.

"Together?" Butters whispered, then rested his head on Kenny's chest. He felt his lips on his forehead and Kenny nodded before he put his hand on Butters'.

"Together." They both turned the doorknob and pulled open the door. Butters covered his mouth as he stepped into the house. The smell of fresh paint greeted him and he felt Kenny wrap his arms around him as they stepped onto the dark wood floor of the entry way. "Honey, we're home."


	12. Something Old

_Author's Note: Thanks for all of your continued reading, favorites, reviews, and follows. I just really appreciate you all checking out this story, and all of my other ones. It means the world :)._

* * *

A new house meant new rules.

Butters grinned as he sat at the breakfast nook drinking coffee as he stared at the gloomy, cloudy day. This weather would be more common now; and they would have it until June. Three months of warm temperatures and they would once again be under a heavy blanket of snow. He hated snow.

Life had been hectic for awhile. Thankfully their six month lease was coming to an end. By the time Butters' classes were over and Kenny was off work they were managing to pack their belongings at five in the morning. Usually Kenny wouldn't bother to wake him when he got off work, leaving Butters to wake up to find their kitchen had been completely boxed. That hadn't been a good surprise.

He remembered the second to last day when they were packing up their bedroom. Butters was packing the clothes while Kenny took the dressers out to the bare living room. After the last dresser was moved, they both carried out their mattress, box spring, and bed frame.

When they returned, they both screamed and ran out of the room.

Aragog was under their bed. Alive.

All that was left in their bedroom were the nightstands, lamps, and Kenny's alarm clock. They hated that alarm clock, so they figured it would all be a nice present for the next people who moved in. Along with the spider from hell.

They made their lives easier by moving the rooms in before starting to pack another room. By the time they had the bedroom packed everything else had been organized at their house. Kyle and Stan had been shocked when they found out they had moved; they called to hang out the day after they finally settled in, and they couldn't not invite them to their newly christened house. And Kevin had been shocked when he found out his brother managed to move everything without asking for his help; actually, Butters thought Kevin had been a little hurt. But he was making it up to him today.

And now here they were; they were living in the most comfortable home Butters had ever been in. It was small, but much bigger than their apartment. Everything about it felt open and warm; like opening the windows for the first time on a warm spring day. A breath of fresh air; it was their chance to show everyone who ever doubted their relationship that they were serious. And they both knew everyone always had their doubts.

Which is why Butters felt his weekend wake-up schemes made them closer. It also put a test to Kenny's patience and temper; and until his endeavor with the spider he had been scary calm. This was reassuring, but he knew Kenny was the least short-tempered person he knew; other than Kyle and Cartman, he himself was probably the worst. He didn't consider his parents.

When they moved in their neighbors seemed generally accepting, although they probably didn't know that he and Kenny were dating rather than just two friends. Then again, it probably wasn't difficult to tell anymore. Butters was warming up to the idea of being more "out" about their relationship, which made Kenny happy because he was a sucker for "expressing his love" no matter where they were.

Butters heard a knock on the door and set down his coffee cup. He coughed lightly in his sleeve and quietly ran through the kitchen, to the front door. As soon as he opened it he found himself the victim of a headlock and a noogie.

"Hello to you too," Butters grumbled as he pulled away from the giant that was Kevin McCormick. He wasn't by any means fat; he was just incredibly tall and incredibly strong. He seemed to tower over Kenny, who was still creeping to a 6'5". He was fairly sure Kevin was at least five inches taller than Kenny; which made him over a foot taller than Butters. He was terrifying to look at, but deep down under the layers of tough and the hard exterior marred by years of drug abuse, he was a softy. Which is why he was here.

"Looks like you two got the place real nice, oh shit, that's a nice tv, man..." he trailed off, looking at the sound system. The McCormick sons were exceptional with electronics, mechanics, and technology; it seemed to be a trait from their father. Karen was just as good as she usually found ways to make her brothers', and her father's, work more efficient. "Thanks for letting me use your garage for extra storage, I've got my stuff in my truck... I'll only be a few minutes. Where's Kenny?"

Butters smiled at that.

This was the day Kevin became a major character in his life.

"You want me to what?" He asked, after Butters explained his weekend "game." The bright blonde just looked up at him expectantly and he sighed heavily. "Ehh, I got no problems with it, he can help me check out somethin' with my truck, anyways." Butters nodded and smiled smugly as he followed Kevin up the stairs. It was surprising how quiet he walked; it must have been something the children picked up on when they were younger. "This one?" Kevin asked, quieter this time as he approached the first door. Butters nodded and took a deep breath. "Hey! Shithead!" Kevin yelled, banging open the door with force enough to knock it off its hinges.

He heard Kenny-the-lump groan in aggravation at the sound of his brother's barking voice. It must have brought back memories.

"Go away Kev," Kenny moaned, pulling the blankets over his head. Butters bit his lip; he had a feeling Kevin was happy to do this, as he was probably at the opposite end of this situation while growing up.

"Fuck that! It's time to wake up, mother fucker!" He yelled in a booming voice that nearly scared Butters. He let out an astonished laugh as he watched Kevin grab Kenny's ankles with one hand, then hoist him effortlessly.

"HEY!" Kenny cried angrily as he punched at his brother's shins. "Put me down, asshole!" Before Kenny could wrap his arms around Kevin's legs to prevent him from walking, the twenty-one year old was hoisted over his brother's shoulder as if he were four. He was grumbling with every step his brother took, and as Kevin walked out of the room he raised an eyebrow at Butters with a smug grin on his face.

Kenny glared at him from his upside down position, and as he flipped off Butters, the bright blonde couldn't hold it in any longer.

He was laughing so much he nearly fell down the stairs, which darkened Kenny's glare. Butters held onto the railing until his laughter subsided, then followed Kevin outside. He found Kenny was still over his shoulder as he grabbed a tool box from the truck bed.

"You can really put me down, Kevin," Kenny grumbled, then punched the back of his thigh. "If you fart I'll fucking kill you."

"Nah, you couldn't even if you tried." Kevin replied with a devilish smirk, "you need to wake up early, you're missing out on this beautiful-"

"_Freezing_-"

"-morning." Kevin finished, then intentionally nearly slammed Kenny's head with the car door. He heard his younger brother yelp in fear, and held his legs tighter as he struggled to break free.

"I'm gonna puke, c'mon man!" Kenny cried, lifting his torso in a crunch position as he tried to pull his brother's hands off his ankles. "Dammit!" He caught sight of Butters standing on the stairs, and pointed. "I am _very_ mad at you." He sounded pathetic, and it made Butters laugh even more. "Besides, I work two jobs and get home after one in the morning, Kevin. Then I have shit to do and I don't go to bed til 5."

"Tough titties, I'm working three and takin' care of two kids on my own."

Kenny groaned in annoyance and tried to kick his brother. He growled in slight pain as Kevin held him in a tighter grasp.

"You suck," Kenny forfeited, then let himself fall back so he was upside down. He sent his sad eyes to Butters, who quickly looked away and fought off begging Kevin to let him go.

"Nah, bud, I think _you_ do."

Kenny furrowed his eyebrows and swatted at his brother angrily; but Butters saw the smile on his face at that offhand double entendre. He himself bit back a chuckle and leaned on the garage.

The sound of a child laughing caused Kenny and Butters to both look across the street. They caught sight of a couple of kids looking at them and snickering. They fell into hysterics when Kevin decided to suddenly drop Kenny, who fell on his back and grunted in pain.

"Stay on the ground, you're gonna check something out for me," Kevin ordered.

Kenny grumbled under his breath as he looked up at Butters with a grimace.

"You called my brother?"

"Your brother called me, I just thought I could use my resources."

"I can hear the blood rushing out of my head, dickmuncher," Kenny pouted, then stuck out his tongue.

"At least the kids around here thinks we're awesome." The darker blonde scoffed and looked up at his boyfriend with a sly grin.

"_Everyone_ thinks we're awesome," Kenny mumbled in response, then disappeared under Kevin's truck. The brunette clapped Butters on the back and gave him a questioning look.

"Thanks for that," Butters said. Kevin just grinned and shrugged his shoulders before he raked a hand through his hair.

"Ha, like I wouldn't agree to give my kid brother shit?" He scoffed and his hands seemed to want to reach in his pockets for a cigarette but he stopped himself. "Nah, it's no big deal. He's a stubborn fuck, but ya already know that, huh?" Butters laughed and blushed a little before he nodded.

"I can hear you!" Kenny yelled from under the truck, "Kevin, I don't even know what you want me to do!"

"Change my oil," Butters bit back a laugh as he heard the blonde groan in annoyance. "See, that's how you do it. Don't let 'im sleep so much, he just likes to complain. But if ya gotta wake him, just go back to the old stuff; ask me. I gave him so much shit when we were kids, it ain't even funny. You'll sleep when you're dead, Kenny!" He said to his brother, who sounded as if he were laughing from under the truck. Butters didn't see how it was so funny, but smiled nonetheless.

"Well, I know he works a lot so..." he trailed off, "I get it."

"And that's why you're a keeper." Butters tilted his head at Kevin's words and opened to ask him what he meant. But before could, the twenty-four year old clapped a hand on his shoulder, then walked away and opened the hood of his truck.


	13. Something Borrowed

_Author's Note: Well considering it's about 6 in the morning and I'm a little bit delirious, sick, tired, and wide awake I figured I would post this update now rather than way later on in the day because I could be asleep. Who knows? I don't... I'm not sure I can comprehend anything right now, honestly. Also, there has been a roommate agreement to compromise on Issue #3: Over-Sleeping vs. Cruel (Awesome) Wake Up Schemes. I don't know how to feel about this. _

_And if anyone is interested I'm going to be posting some "character biographies" for a few people over on my tumblr... I hope to have that done tomorrow. So if you want to check that out the link is in my profile, or you can just go to rensrenegade . tumblr . com. I've just got some stuff nagging in my head that I need to write out about some people so... yeah! _

_I'm done here. I need sleep. _

_Enjoy! :)_

_...I have a feeling I'll be waking up feeling like this tomorrow. Bleh._

* * *

Butters woke up with another pounding headache. His hazy eyes focused on Kenny's naked body, and he sighed dismally before he pulled himself out of his warm grasp. These were the mornings he hated because he knew within fifteen minutes he'd be in the bathroom throwing up the contents of his stomach.

He heard movement downstairs and he furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity. Then he remembered last night Kyle and Stan had come over and they went out until four in the morning. By the end of the night Stan and Kenny were both crying as they took turns puking, and Butters and Kyle searched for food and ended up cuddling and laughing hysterically on the kitchen floor. He didn't quite remember when they went upstairs but taking into account they were both naked, he could guess what happened.

He _really_ hated when he didn't remember.

Butters groaned quietly as he pulled on Kenny's blue and green flannel pajama pants and an old t-shirt that donned his senior year's One-Act Play title. Holding his left temple, he stumbled out of their room and made his way to the stairs. The railing was suddenly his best friend.

Someone was cooking and it was killing his stomach. It was eggs too, and the smell of eggs when he had a hangover was the absolute worst. He fought back his nausea and swallowed thickly as he walked into the kitchen.

"Fucking bright," he mumbled as the sun gleamed through the window. Kyle raised a coffee cup as he sat at the table, and Stan was resting on his arms as he waited for his eggs to cook. Butters wasn't sure but he thought he was crying. "Are you okay?" He asked Stan, who moaned in pain. "I feel you."

"This one's his fault, he doesn't drink responsibly. Always drink water." His voice sounded condescending even to Butters.

"Fuck you," Stan grumbled woefully before lifting his head. He flipped the eggs and Butters felt his stomach churn with them. He was too lazy to pour a cup of coffee for himself, so he stole Kyle's mug and took a large gulp. The redhead looked at him as if he had murdered in front of him, and quickly took the cup back.

"Is Kenny still asleep?" Butters snorted and massaged his temples as he sat at the table.

"The answer to that question is always yes." Kyle gave a nod and grunted softly as Stan sat on his lap.

"Of course you choose the bad leg," he grumbled. Stan smiled innocently, then poked at the egg yolk. Butters suppressed the urge to puke as he watched the yellow run down the egg and quickly turned his head.

Kyle took the first bite of Stan's breakfast, then let Stan have a sip of his coffee. It was always interesting to see how they worked, Butters thought. A third of the time they acted like best friends, another third they acted as the closest lovers, and the last third they acted like an old married couple who always bickered. He and Kenny were the same, only they rarely argued. Both of them had grown up in that lifestyle and both of them knew what not to do.

"It's still your fault," Kyle murmured as he ran a soothing hand through his fiancee's raven hair. The older of the two just gave him a look before he stuffed the egg in his face.

"After breakfast," Stan began with a thick voice that sounded like Butters did when he was fighting off the urge to throw up, "we're gonna wake Kenny."

Kyle and Butters both brightened.

"What?" He asked, bewildered. "I was on the receiving end of that shit, now it's my turn." Kyle turned to Butters, who shrugged and nodded in agreement.

"What do you propose, oh wise one?" Kyle asked Butters, who shrugged his shoulders.

"I dunno. I'm all out of ideas..." he trailed off. Honestly he had a few more up his sleeve; but he wouldn't do them with Kyle and Stan around.

"We should flip the mattress," Stan suggested, "it has all the elements; fear, humor, pain, laughter..."

So that's where they found themselves. They tip-toed up the stairs and Butters silently opened the occasionally creaky door to their bedroom. Kenny had his head covered with his pillow, and his arms were hidden from view. Most likely he was using them as a pillow.

"Is he naked?" Kyle asked. Butters blushed, then nodded. "Well this is going to be awkward..." he trailed off. "Okay, you know how to do this?" He asked Stan and Butters. Stan nodded with a grim expression as he glared at Kyle.

"Yeah," he deadpanned, then lifted the bottom corner. Kyle grabbed the middle, and Butters took the head corner.

"One, two, three..." they lifted with more strength than they figured each of them had, and watched in amazement as Kenny flew off the bed. A yelp was heard before he landed with a painful thud on his side.

"Ow." Was all they heard from the lump on the ground. The three gawked for a moment as the blonde remained still. Then they set the mattress back down on the box spring and Butters quickly ran to the other side. He ignored Kyle and Stan's hysterical laughter as they high-fived.

"Kenny...?" he trailed off, putting an arm on his back. His skin was smooth and hot to the touch. Honestly, other than the two most obvious favorites, Butters' favorite part of Kenny's body was his back.

In response, he moaned in pain and turned his head. He had heavy bags under his eyes and looked rather pallid; a clammy sweat caused his bangs to cling to his forehead, and he grimaced with hazy eyes.

"I don't _feel_ good," he mumbled wearily, before resting his head on the carpet. Butters looked to Kyle and Stan, whose laughter had ceased, and ran a hand through his drenched hair.

"Hangover?" Butters asked quietly, then began to massage the back of his neck.

"I want to die." He sounded little and Butters sighed heavily before he kissed his head and lifted him slightly. Kenny grimaced but rested his head on Butters' shoulder as he leaned against him.

"How about you get up and have some coffee and toast... and then if you still feel like shit we can have a cuddle day?"

"I like the cuddle days." He was still partially asleep; Butters heard Kyle and Stan snickering in the background and he sighed softly. "Don't ever let me drink again..."

"Okay, but future Kenny's gonna tell future Butters that it's something for distant future Kenny to worry about and that guy's stupid." Kenny just gave him a look and moaned softly before he slumped down on his shoulder again. "But I'll try."

"Kyle? Stan?" Kenny asked softly, lifting his head a little before gave up and just looked at them. "Fuck you guys."

"Love you too," Stan grumbled with a voice heavy with sarcasm.

"I think..." Kenny trailed off uneasily, "I'm naked."

"You are," Butters told him with a growing smile. "I can't tell you what happened last night. I don't remember anything after Kyle and I fell asleep for a bit." Kenny shrugged then managed to put on his discarded boxers while staying under the blanket he was practically cocooned in.

The four ended up downstairs and after Kenny attempted to eat crackers and water but failed miserably, Butters grudgingly allowed him to doze on the couch as he hung out with Kyle and Stan. Eventually, after a few hours of video games and just messing around, the couple decided to go home; leaving Butters with Kenny and his hangover.

He determined that Kenny was probably not only hungover but probably was so stressed he was physically sick. So he decided if Kenny fell asleep that it was probably necessary and wouldn't try to keep him awake.

"Should I stop waking you?" Butters finally asked as they watched the third movie that evening, "A Clockwork Orange" which had been Kenny's choice. Kenny glanced up from Butters' lap and shook his head. He grimaced when seeing his boyfriend eating soup, and immediately laid his head back down and ignored his queasy stomach. Butters ran tender fingers through his hair.

"No, 'cause it's not fair to you," Kenny replied meekly, with his eyes closed as he tried to focus between the movie and Butters.

"Yeah, but it's not fair that you're so stressed."

"I have to be stressed. If I'm not overworked then I don't have any ambition and if I don't have that then I'm a failure." Butters scoffed, "it's true. I'm the worst procrastinator unless I got shit to do."

"That doesn't mean you're a failure, hon," the bright blonde murmured his reply. "It just means you're crazy." Kenny laughed a little and rested his arms on Butters' legs.

"Everyone is crazy," The darker blonde answered back, "but...God help me for saying this, I kinda like the whole scare tactic thing you're trying to do. Maybe one day you'll scare me enough I'll never sleep in again."

"That's the plan," Butters chirped, "Aragog wasn't scary enough?"

"We _never _speak of that fucker."

"...right," Butters trailed off, and couldn't help but smile. Because not only did Kenny give him permission to continue his antics, but he admitted to liking them; which meant Butters could up his tactic. Kenny had to have a breaking point somewhere.

And he was determined to find it.


	14. Something Blue

_Author's Note: I'm going to be busy all day and night tomorrow so I won't have time to update. Aaaand today is Saturday, technically in my time zone at least, so... yeah! _

_And my own permanent roommate has started reading my stories. In fact he's sitting next to me right now. He likes to claim "editor" even though he's the science major who checks my math while I check his essays. So he's in on this... he even gave me the idea for Sunday's chapter (I wonder if he thinks I'll use it on him... :/) well, if so he's sorely mistaken. _

_Anyway, thanks for all of your reviews, favorites, and follows. You guys are great. :) _

_...and if you wanted to try this one at home, I'm sure you could. But only if you have a significant other. :)_

* * *

"Kenny," Butters whined, nudging him on the shoulder, "c'mon, wake up."

Silence filled the room, except Kenny's slight movements in their bed, and he groaned in annoyance. He didn't have time to wait for this, or him, and he had promised he would wake up decent. Because today was extremely important and he worked his ass off and he was finally, finally, done with school.

Today he, Leopold "Butters" Stotch, was graduating college. He finally made it with a 4.0 GPA and extended an invitation to his parents. The invite came back with a "return to sender" stamp; Butters burned it before Kenny could see it. He did, however, invite the McCormicks, and all of them were going; even Kevin. He remembered the three calls he received after they finally got the black and gold envelopes in the mail. Carol had cried and told him how happy she was and Karen drove out just to hug him.

But now he had to deal with Kenny-the-lump who was happily cocooned away from the Colorado cold that somehow found its way into their house.

"Kenneth," Butters grumbled in annoyance, this time shoving him harder, "I don't have time to mess around, you need to get up because we have to leave in a half an hour. I'm _graduating_," he sounded more desperate than angry, and he heard a muffled laugh from the blankets. "Seriously?!"

A loud, fake, snore filled the silence and he glowered at Kenny with menacing eyes.

Butters huffed and walked out of the room.

He put on the black graduation gown and the gold and blue cords over them; he had earned high distinction and barely lucked out of giving a speech. That would have been too terrible for his nerves and already excited emotions. But he was ecstatic to wear the cords and the medal he had received. He looked in the full-body mirror before he went to wake Kenny again and examined himself.

For the first time in his life he looked proud; of himself. He had made it; all of his years of hard work and late night study sessions and coffee-induced twitches that reminded him of his old friend Tweek were finally over.

And he had done it on his own terms. His parents didn't pay a cent for his tuition because he first said he wouldn't go into business administration. Instead, Butters told them he was going to be an education and theatre major, so if he didn't make it in acting then he could always teach it. Then the fact they found him and Kenny making out in the kitchen didn't help either, and they hadn't talked to him since he first went off to college.

What he didn't get in scholarships he worked hard for, and Kenny had even given him some of his paychecks to help when fees for tuition were running low. They balanced each other out, and when Kenny finally applied for graphic design courses he found out he had received one hundred percent free tuition because of his financial situation. That was the best news for either of them, and it was finally that push Kenny needed to make the decision.

He sighed heavily and walked to his nightstand. Quietly, he opened the bottom drawer and grabbed something quickly, then jumped on the bed. Kenny had fallen back asleep and they now had twenty minutes before they needed to leave to make it on time for pictures. Butters really didn't want to arrive after Kenny's family. Kyle and Stan were graduating too, and he knew Kenny would feel bad if he missed out on pictures with them. He would feel bad, too.

"Kenny," Butters called softly, shaking his arm. "Kenny, wake up."

No response. Again.

"Hey... Kenny?" Butters asked, examining the object in his hand before he threw it at Kenny.

"Ow!" He cried, "the hell was that?" Kenny rubbed his face and glared at Butters before he slammed his head face down on the pillow.

"Kenny," Butters began with a growing smile. "Will you marry me?"

Silence filled the room. He knew Kenny wasn't asleep because he saw him stiffen upon hearing the four words. Suddenly the air was thick and Butters regretted it.

"Huh?" The dark blonde asked, raising his head. Butters grabbed the object from where it fell on the bed, then threw it at him again.

"I said, will you marry me, you jerk?"

Kenny's eyes widened as he stared at the ring that had stricken his cheek twice. Butters heard him hitch a breath and sit up quickly as he looked at it with multiple emotions in his expression.

"...oh my God..."

Butters bit back a smile as he saw the realization dawn on Kenny's face. "This is a ring. You got me a ring. You... what?! How did... why... you... _me_?"

"No, sorry, I meant to give this to the _other_ guy I've been seeing for the past four years," Butters retorted sarcastically, "yes, _Kenny_, will you marry me?"

What he expected and what happened were two very different things. Kenny set the ring down on the nightstand, then looked at Butters with ambiguous eyes. Dread ran through his heart; he planned to do it later that night, but he figured it was a shock in itself to wake Kenny. And it seemed kind of fitting. But he didn't actually think Kenny would say "no".

He closed his eyes as he felt them heat with tears; he was already on emotional overdrive because the best day of his life was finally here, and now he just ruined it. And he probably ruined the best and only relationship he had ever had.

Except he heard feet thud on the floor and opened his eyes. He watched as Kenny started dancing, kind of; it was more like he was jumping up and down with a shimmy in his shoulders as he moved his fists and bopped his head. Butters knew this reaction well, and felt tears fall down his face for an entirely different reason.

"K-Kenny?" The dark blonde froze and looked at Butters with a flush on his cheeks, and he took a breath.

Butters cried out as Kenny tackled him on the bed in a frenzy of kisses and laughs, and Butters held him tight.

"YES!" Kenny shouted, then held his cheeks with both hands and kissed him with passion so strong Butters' toes tingled. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes, no, no a _million_ times yes, I will marry you. Fuck!" Kenny cried as he flailed and kicked his legs, and Butters saw his own eyes were sparkling slightly. Butters held him tight and captured his lips in yet another kiss. "You... you actually proposed to wake me up? That's not a joke?!"

"...yeah. I had a whole thing planned out but you were being a butt."

"It's perfect, and... how did you afford that ring? No, don't tell me. Just tell me how much I'll be working," they both laughed and Kenny smoothed out his graduation gown. "We're _engaged_."

"...oh my God, we're engaged," Butters gushed, then kicked his feet excitedly as he laughed and threw his head back on the pillow. "I thought you were gonna say no, 'cause you-"

"There's only one reason I would ever say no, hon," Kenny murmured, then got off of the bed. He looked a little shaken as he pulled down his dress shirt and black slacks from the closet, and quickly dressed. Butters was left in suspense as he waited for Kenny to speak. He turned around, and Butters gaped.

"No..." he trailed off, as he saw a little blue box in his hand. Kenny bent down on one knee, and looked up at Butters, who was now kneeling at the edge of the bed with a hammering heart.

"And that would be, because I'd have some cliché speech about how much you mean to me and how you're my best friend and I liked you when I was ten and we went on that stupid trip to Hawaii... or I liked you after that, and... a lot of the time when I was with other people I was just trying to get used to the idea that I wouldn't really have you. But then at Cartman's stupid Christmas party you ended up getting drunk for the first time and we were both wasted and I just told you I loved you. And then... we got caught by your parents and went through so much crap together and... here we are, and our future is laid out literally right in front of us... I was gonna ask you when we went to dinner with The Brof-Marshes and my family... maybe not in front of them, but it would've been something like that," Kenny said. Butters sniffled.

"A-and then what?" Kenny blinked a couple of times, then took Butters' hand in his and sighed softly.

"I'd be down on one knee like this... and take your hand in mine, and ask you to be my best half for the rest of my life and take care of me when I'm drunk and I'd help you grade papers. I'd ask if we could end up having babies and raise them in this little house for a while and grow old together and spend the rest of our lives together. I would have asked you to marry me..." Butters sobbed and he saw Kenny's blue eyes were now wet as well.

"O-okay...? And... how would... would you have d-done that?" Kenny laughed and shook his bangs out of his eyes.

"Leopold Stotch, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanna have little McStotchkick babies and have late nights of grading papers and homework and you help me with design ideas. I wanna take care of you when you're sick or you're sad and you take care of me when I'm drunk. I want you, to be my best half, my favorite half... will you marry me? And you would have said...?"

"Yes," Butters gushed, and jumped off of the bed, knocking Kenny down on the floor. By this rate they would be late for pictures but it didn't matter in the slightest right now. They could all get pictures after the ceremony. "Yes, I would have said _yes_... I do say yes."

"...so..." Kenny began from the floor, as he caressed Butters' arm. "Did we just... get engaged to each other? Or how does this work? Like does one cancel the other out or..."

"We're sharing brainwaves," Butters replied with a quiet laugh as his fingers ran through Kenny's hair, "d'you know how hilarious it would've been if we both got down for each other in the middle of the restaurant? We'd both be like... "no, you have to stand", and..." he trailed off in laughter. Kenny smiled up at him lovingly and took his hand.

"We'd both propose to each other on the ground, we both know that..." the darker blonde quipped with a grin. "We'll figure out the details later, all I know is that we're gonna be Mr. and Mr. McStochkick." Butters squealed and laughed with Kenny as they rolled around the floor tickling and kissing and holding each other.

"...we should seriously change our names to that."

"...you're _kidding_," Kenny said as his shoulders shook with laughter.

"You're right, I totally am."

They both stood up and Butters looked at the ring in his hand. It was bright silver, with a tiny band of blue diamonds running over the top. He saw Kenny looking at his silver ring, then smile lovingly as he slipped it on his ring finger. Butters bit his lip, then put his ring on, and felt tears burn his eyes once again. He squeezed Kenny's hand as he linked their fingers, and felt himself wrapped in the warmth of his boyfriend- no, fiancee.

"Thanks for waking me up," Kenny whispered, then kissed him gently. Butters just hummed happily and tangled his fingers in his hair as met his lips in a sweet kiss.


	15. Something Blue Part II

_Author's Note: Wellp, several ideas came into play with this one and it's different from how I both originally imagined it, how my PR originally imagined it, and waaaay different from the original ending. *shrugs* Either way, I hope you like this one, and it contains something I'm really mad that I didn't think of for the last chapter before, which is why this is "Something Blue Part II". _

_I also think everyone has been told at least once in their life to not lean back in their chair. I also think everyone has disregarded that advice and fallen backward and has either received either a physical wound or dignity wound from doing so._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

"How..." Butters grunted with effort, "are you..." he paused and took a deep breath, "still asleep?" another pause, then he sighed, "_there_ we go."

He glanced down at his handiwork, and Kenny, and slumped forward from temporary exhaustion.

The fact that Kenny could stay asleep from being dragged from their bed all the way to the kitchen and having his legs and arms tied kind of scared Butters. Kenny wasn't usually that deep of a sleeper either; during the week he would wake up at the slightest noises, as if he were waiting for something to happen. Always alert.

Except on the weekends, apparently.

Butters shook his head and opened the kitchen cupboard. He dug out a bag of Captain Crunch, poured two bowls, and put the colorful cereal berries from one bowl back in the bag. He set them on the table, then got himself a cup of coffee and orange juice, and Kenny a cup of black coffee and milk.

Now that Kenny was tied up and in the kitchen, he really didn't know what he was going to do. There were quite a few options he had, and he needed a moment to choose the right one.

The first option that came to his mind was to drag the chair outside, put it in the middle of the snow, and wait for him to wake up. Of course it wouldn't take long at all for that, and it was honestly too cold because Kenny was only in his boxers.

The next idea was sleep sex. But the kitchen chairs were terrible and they'd end up on the floor, laughing instead of actually screwing each others' brains out. Kenny also had a slight aversion to sleep sex, although he appreciated it on his birthday last year. Plus the glass doors didn't have a curtain and their kitchen overlooked their neighbor's house and he didn't think they'd want a view of that... or they could, he just wasn't looking to find out.

Butters leaned back in his chair and groaned softly as he considered the different options he had. He could just cook for him, or he could egg him. Or he could spray him with the hose in the sink.

But he couldn't be that mean, at least not today. He gave a wistful look to Kenny, who was still fast asleep in the chair, and took a bite of his cereal.

He let out a little squeak of surprise as he lost his balance with the chair. He expected a crash landing, but calmed down when the front legs of the chair touched the ground; he remembered always being told to not lean back in his chair throughout elementary and high school.

Butters glanced at Kenny with a growing grin and dropped his spoon in the bowl.

He stood up and went to stand behind Kenny's chair, then slowly lifted the front legs from the floor. With Kenny tied it would be even more hilarious to watch him try to stand up, and he figured falling would be enough to startle him.

Butters glanced down at Kenny, with his eyes closed and lips parted slightly as he breathed through his mouth; he always had colds in the winter. After mentally counting down from three in his head, Butters stepped back and pushed the chair down with a kick-like force.

He heard the clatter and watched Kenny jump about six inches off of the chair. Butters stifled his laughter and heard a mix of coughing, grumbling, and laughter from Kenny, who stared at him with bleary eyes.

""Inception"..." he mumbled after his coughing stopped, "why 'm I in the kitchen?" He eyed Butters warily and fought to move his legs. "Stotch..."

"McCormick...?" Butters mocked with a grin. Kenny tried to pull his feet out of the knotted rope and sighed heavily. He then moved to free his hands from behind his back, and threw his head back in slight aggravation.

"Explain."

"Ooh, the monotone makes you sound like a Dalek," Butters teased, earning a glare from Kenny. "I mean, Merry Christmas!" Kenny snorted and then grunted as he tried to free his hands, "I told you I'm good with knots." The darker blonde gave him a look, and Butters beamed under his intense gaze.

"Mhmm," tight-lipped and frustrated, Kenny bent his body in the best way his restrained figure could, and felt the chair lift slightly. "Seriously?!" he cried as he fell back; his head smacked against the back of the chair and he grimaced. "This is the worst Christmas ever."

"Nuh-uh," Butters chimed before he decided to lift the chair. Kenny glared at him, completely helpless, and Butters knew that was the feeling he hated the most. "Santa left us some really good presents last night, I think. I mean there were quite a few out there from what I saw and he really enjoyed those cookies I made." Kenny smirked a little and looked up from between long blonde hair that fell in his eyes.

"I reckon the reindeer liked the carrots too," Butters nodded and laughed softly.

"Maybe not the salt, though."

"No, deer like salt, so-"

"Well, _I _don't," Butters grumbled with a slightly pouted expression. Kenny chuckled and sighed before he looked up at the shorter, but standing blonde.

"You know, you should untie me because everyone's gonna be here at noon."

"Oh, are the munchkins coming too?" Kenny nodded and grimaced as he looked at Butters.

"We just got this house, they're going to demolish it..." he whispered sadly, then looked down at his food and sighed dismally. "I think you should untie me now."

"And I think..." Butters began, then burst out laughing, "you should wake up earlier to avoid these situations." Kenny sent him a mocking face then tried lifting his arms over his head. He growled lowly and settled, before sending Butters his puppy eyes.

"NO!" Butters cried, then threw cereal at Kenny, who flinched. "This is your punishment, I'm leaving you here all day."

"Fine," Kenny barked, "because traumatizing my little nephews as I sit in my underwear with bruises and bite marks all over me is on my agenda for Christmas."

"Well..." Butters said, looking Kenny up and down with darkening cheeks as he took in the various hickeys and inflamed skin with teeth marks in the center; that was _not_ his fault. "if you weren't such a masochist we wouldn't have that problem, now would we?" Kenny just hummed at that and smiled goofily before he scooted forward with the chair.

"Pleeeaaase untie me? I wanna show you your first present." Butters smirked and swooped down to kiss Kenny.

"I think that's right in front of me." Kenny lifted an eyebrow and smirked before nipping at Butters' bottom lip.

"Considering I'm about unwrapped, I'm a pretty easy present..."

"You just play hard to get," Butters replied, patting him on the top of his head. Kenny made a face, but shrugged his shoulders and tried to break his ankles free; he hissed in slight pain as the rope cut in his skin.

"You really are good with knots," Butters just snickered and Kenny rolled his eyes before slumping his shoulders, "fine, take me, I am your willing prisoner."

"Oh geeze, lay it on thick, will ya?" Kenny poked out his tongue and threw his head back again, dramatically this time, and nearly fell down once again. Butters burst out laughing at his startled expression.

"Go check the front door," Kenny said, "maybe it'll get you to untie me." Butters tilted his head, a mannerism he picked up from Kenny and sighed before leaving the room.

He glanced back and saw Kenny's smirk as he left the kitchen. The smell of pine enveloped him as he entered the living room. He liked the fact Kenny had wanted a real tree rather than the artificial ones he had when growing up. It had been more work but it really paid off and he knew he would never want to have a fake tree ever again. Kenny had a better eye for decorating the tree too, which surprised Butters. But he let Butters put the star on top, and then they had gotten high watching the lights.

Butters unlocked the front door and winced at the bright sun reflecting off of the snow. It still hurt his eyes even though he was used to the constant glare of snow. Butters, in his Hello Kitty pajama pants and Kenny's Batman shirt, stepped onto the shoveled front porch, done by Kenny sometime over the past twenty-four hours, and gaped.

"OH MY GOD!" He screamed and jumped ecstatically on the porch as he stared at the blue door; TARDIS blue, to be exact. He laughed and shook his head as he examined the door; his fingers were already starting to tingle from the cold and his bare feet were aching. But it was so worth it to see one of the most amazing Christmas presents he had ever been given; it was simple, dorky, and completely Kenny to think of something like that. Which is why he loved it even more.

He ran back in the house, to the kitchen, and saw Kenny's beaming face.

"When did you do that?! I love it!"

"When I got home from work last night, before the cookies _mysteriously_ disappeared," Kenny replied, then grunted softly as Butters jumped on top of him. "Ello."

"You keep forgetting about the carrots, too!" Butters cried, then laughed as Kenny rolled his eyes and fought against the rope on his wrists; he knew it bugged him to no end when he couldn't touch him in moments like this. "And... did you just say "hello?" Kenny let out an awkward laugh and kissed Butters' nose.

"No... I said "ello" but that's close enough," Kenny murmured, then lowered his head to his neck. Butters squirmed and pulled Kenny's head away, earning a half whine and half grumble.

"It's actually "allo", dear," Butters told him, earning a glower and felt him jerk as he tried to escape.

"Fine, _allo_," he deadpanned, "c'mon, we have like thirty minutes before my family gets here and I really don't think it'd be a good idea for them to see me tied up in a chair, even if we're not doing anything it's still fucking _weird_." Butters quirked an eyebrow and lowered his hips onto Kenny's.

"Who said we aren't doing anything?" Butters whispered in his ear before tugging on the lobe with his teeth.

"Mutual agreement... these chairs are shit, and..." Kenny trailed off with a shudder. Butters laughed before he kissed his jaw, and then pressed their foreheads together.

"Fuck the chairs," Kenny's eyes widened at Butters' response and felt him slide off of him. Butters ran to their bedroom and returned with a bottle and held it up to Kenny, who shook his head and laughed in disbelief.

As he shed his clothes and jumped on top of Kenny again, he beamed down at him and caressed his cheek. Kenny looked up, still laughing with flushed cheeks, and leaned in to kiss him.

"Merry Christmas, Ken," Butters whispered coyly, meeting his lips halfway.

He didn't care if the neighbors watched anymore.


	16. And It Goes Off With A Bang

_Author's Note: I figured I would just post now, I might do three this weekend. Or I might just stick with two, it depends on how much time I have. The PR is sick and has been since Thursday, and you know what's weird? When you have a really old injury that you never took the time to get looked at and once you finally do and you start home remedies to see if it'll help before going to medication and stuff (that's how I roll) it makes it feel way worse? It sucks. Pretty sure I'll be gimpy for awhile... stupid football injuries. I'm a little tired and rambly right now. _

_But thanks for all of the continued support! And I'm just throwing this out there- if anyone has any idea that they would want to happen for any upcoming chapter, let me know!_

* * *

Butters had been maintaining fairly late nights due to his job as a production assistant for a local agency as well as being casted as a major role in a play with the Equinox Theatre Company. He was getting home about a half an hour before Kenny, and by the end of the week he was worn ragged and just wanted to sit down, relax, and sleep.

For the first time he was feeling how Kenny felt; and his hard work at the production company wasn't paying off because he was being paid less than $10 an hour while working almost 70 hours a week. He knew he couldn't necessarily complain because he was just starting out and Kenny had worked up to 90 hours a week before while earning just barely above minimum wage, but it was difficult paying off loans while maintaining a house. He was just thankful Kenny didn't eat a lot, and because they weren't home enough their bills were significantly lower than they used to be.

But he found himself understanding why Kenny slept so late; the first weekend he had slept in until two in the afternoon and could barely walk from all of his standing and moving and lifting from the week. And even then Kenny woke up to find him sleeping on the couch; instead of a rude awakening Butters had been greeted with strawberry pancakes. It made him really reconsider the whole "Mission Impossible" idea, because suddenly Butters was thrust into Kenny's world and he couldn't handle it. He had no clue how Kenny was able to do this for the past four years.

But as time went on he grew more accustomed to power naps and natural remedies for staying energized; he probably couldn't handle any more caffeine. They helped him get through the day and eventually cutting back from a normal 8 hours of sleep a day to five hours didn't seem so difficult. Three was pushing it though. However, there were some mornings that Kenny barely managed an hour and a half; and he seemed wide awake, and more so than when getting five hours of sleep. His sleeping schedule was completely fucked up and Butters knew he didn't want to turn out like that; it would be impossible for him to function properly.

So sleeping in was vital for Butters on the weekends; except he was usually awake by noon at the absolute latest. Kenny was usually up by three at the earliest; Butters was being more lenient with him. But today was different because they had things to do and they couldn't pass this day up like the did New Year's Eve. Realizing they fell asleep at 11:00 and missed celebrating the new year had really bothered him.

Butters walked on sore legs to the bedroom as he carried his cup of hot tea with lemon and honey; he had a sore throat from singing, a double rehearsal, and relaying messages for his boss back and forth for ten hours straight. He opened the door and found Kenny had somehow managed to use Ursa as a pillow and seemed almost hidden as he burrowed into their dog. His hand was on his head, as if he had been awake and petted him at one point but was so tired he simply passed out once more.

He vaguely recalled Kenny getting home at seven in the morning but he still wasn't quite sure if that had been a dream or not. He knew he worked twelve hours last night and one of the workers who was supposed to open called in sick, so he stayed to help the newer employees with their various jobs.

Yeah, he felt bad that he worked another eighteen hour shift. But he also knew Kenny would beat himself up if he didn't wake up for today.

He was ashamed to say it but he had enlisted the help of Eric Cartman for this one. His mind had been blanking all day and he wanted something hilariously evil... and who better than the fat boy who he cared deeply for even if he had tortured him all through elementary and high school? So he had called him up, received the best possible answer for today, as it involved one of Kenny's favorite things, and set out to complete this mission.

Thankfully Kenny had his Mysterion outfit here. Otherwise he would have been screwed and unable to do this.

Butters set the pan in his hand down on the bed and took a sip of his tea before setting it on the night stand.

He went to the closet and pulled out Kenny's Mysterion outfit from the back. He didn't know how Karen still didn't know her brother was her guardian angel, but he kept it up even as she was in college. It was something she looked forward to; the visits were few and far between, but it was a reassurance for her to know she was more than loved and protected. He just didn't want to see the fall out when she finally found out the super hero's identity.

After digging around in the pants pockets for awhile he pulled out the string of firecrackers and quietly put them in the pan. There were only a few, but it would be more than enough for this to work. Butters grabbed the lighter from Kenny's side of the bed and bit his lip in nervousness. This was the first time he had ever lit a firework, and the potential to blow off his hand was great.

He flicked the wheel of the lighter and stared at the flame for a moment; he liked fire, sure, but Kenny was a pyromaniac. After the initial fright he would think this one was probably the best wake-up prank yet and would applaud him for it.

"Oh God..." he whimpered, taking the wick of the firecrackers and lit it. He yelped, threw it in the pan, and scrambled away as fast as he could. He glanced at his hand and sighed with relief when seeing everything was still intact, although he had burned his thumb.

He swore he heard a countdown before the machine-gun like explosions thundered through the room, amplified by the metal pan. He could see the fire and light from the fireworks explode in the pan and was mesmerized. Butters wasn't sure whether to laugh or cover his ears, and he watched as Kenny practically flew out of bed while letting out a slew of croaked curse words and caught his foot in the blanket. He landed with a loud thud on the floor and Butters gaped as he watched their dog knock the pan on the floor.

Uh-oh.

Ursa bolted out of the door, yelping and whimpering and nearly stampeding Kenny in the process. The dark blonde scrambled from the tangled sheets and looked as if someone had just shot him. Butters couldn't help but laugh; until he looked at the floor. Red paper and burns covered the carpet, and he saw smoke rise slowly. Embers glowed and he quickly stamped them out. He cried out as the final firecracker popped right by his foot, and he jerked himself away.

"Oh my fucking God..." Kenny gasped, clutching his head as he bent down and examined the floor. No fire, and the embers had burned themselves into the carpet. "You mother fucker," he growled lowly, voice hoarse from sleep and probably talking non-stop last night. His eyes were deeply bagged and he looked rather pale as he sat on the bed. "I'm not cleaning that up."

"I didn't think that'd happen..." Butters trailed off uneasily, Kenny raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. "It was Cartman's idea."

"Yeah, I bet it was..." he grumbled; of course Cartman would tell Butters to do that. It was an attempt to kill him; he was sure the fatass was missing out on his weekly dose of murder. But Butters wouldn't understand that, so he just smiled softly and raked a hand through his sleep-ruined hair.

"Are you mad at me?" Butters asked, picking up the pieces of red paper that had been strewn across the floor. Kenny shook his head and yawned quietly into his hand before he rubbed his eyes.

"No, I'm just fucking tired as fuck... I don't understand why I'm doing more work than the managers but I won't get a promotion. It's like... c'mon, I'm the only one who busts my ass around there. Or at least a raise, Jesus..."

"Well, at least you're not working today, right?" Butters asked in a chipper voice as he picked up the warm firecrackers that had spilled on the floor. He winced, expecting them to go off, and quickly threw them in the pan.

"Yeah... ugh, what time is it?"

"12:30," Kenny groaned and yawned once more before he stood up. "I'd let you sleep but today is-" Kenny smiled and nodded before he put his hands on Butters' hips.

"Course, I know... today was the day I unknowingly sold my soul to the devil, who sent his most evil minion to wake me in the cruelest ways." Butters glared at him, "I mean... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Well if I'm a minion of Satan, he must not be so bad, huh?" Kenny snorted and laughed quietly. Yeah, real nice. And very gay. It had been awhile since he had seen his old friend; he planned to keep it that way. "And yeah, happy Valentine's Day, jerk butt."

"Hey, you love me, I'm just blunt when I'm overtired." Butters smiled softly and tucked a stray blonde hair behind his ear. Kenny looked up at him with narrowed eyes and he patted his cheek.

"Well, how blunt would you be if I..." he trailed off, reaching in his pocket and held up two stubs, "got tickets for that one Mayhem festival you kept yammering about?" Kenny's jaw dropped as he grabbed one of the tickets, then looked over it with wide eyes and a goofy grin.

"You... you _were_ paying attention! Shit, you seriously got them? -whatarethose?" He asked as Butters held up another pair of tickets. "You didn't..."

"Kenny, tonight... you and I shall be going to see Flogging-"

"_No_!"

"Molly and-"

"WHAT? FUCK YES!"

"I made reservations at Linger, t-" Butters was cut off by Kenny squeezing him in a tight hug. He laughed as he fell on the bed and felt Kenny's stubble tickle his neck as he nuzzled him. "Dinner at five... stop, Ken... show's at eight, stop tickling m-me!"

Kenny laughed and captured his lips in a kiss and wrapped his arms tightly around him.

"Wanna know what I got you?" Kenny asked against his skin. Butters shrugged, then nodded.

"Well, I got you a cheesy card 'cause I'm _really_ good at finding those, and some chocolate... I ended up eating some on the way home so I got another one." Butters snickered from beneath him. "And we didn't really have time to celebrate you graduating... and it's Valentine's Day..."

"Yeah?"

"I took two weeks of vacation, and-" Butters squeezed him tightly; that was enough for him. But he knew it wouldn't be enough for Kenny, who was actually shaking with anticipation to tell him. "I _may_ have had a talk with the Equinox and your production company-"

"I can't take a vacation, I just got those jobs!"

"Well, nyah, you got a vacation." Kenny replied, poking out his tongue as Butters laughed in amazement. "Bags are packed, tomorrow we are leaving..."

"Not Hawaii," Butters said, Kenny shook his head.

"Pssh, save those rewards points, we'll have an awesome honeymoon or somethin'," Butters swooned at that, "I remember we were talking one night awhile ago and you were telling me all the stuff you wanted to do as a kid but never got to do."

"Yeah...?"

"Well, I know you went to Disneyland with your aunt and uncle-" Butters held his breath, "but... how does Disney World and Universal Studios sound...?"

"We're going to Florida?!" Kenny nodded. "Can we go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter?" Another nod paired with a grin. "Tomorrow?!"

"Yes!"

"O-oh my God... Kenny, this is... I just..." he trailed off, unable to say anything more. He heard the quiet laugh and he made a happy noise as Kenny kissed him again.

"Yeah, you can shove it in Kyle's face that you got to go before him," the bright blonde giggled and looked at Kenny before he flailed his feet excitedly.

"I can't believe you did that, you're amazing!" He cried, Kenny shrugged and smiled lovingly at him.

"Well, I could say the same thing, m'love, I mean... you've just crossed three things off my bucket list."

"Three?" Kenny nodded and squeezed his hand.

"See Flogging Molly, go to the Rockstar Mayhem festival, and to see you the happiest you've ever been," Butters hummed at that, and caressed Kenny's cheek.

"The same could be said for you," Butters replied softly. Kenny just smiled down at him and pressed their foreheads together. "Thank you, Ken... so much."

"You're welcome, Lee, I couldn't be happier." Butters grinned and pressed their lips together.

"Even if I told you no sleeping in til three in the afternoon while on vacation?"

"Even then, I wouldn't anyway... I have to get stung by a jellyfish! It's number five on my bucket list!" Butters rolled his eyes and felt his body shake with laughter as Kenny beamed down at him. "Happy Valentine's Day, love of mine." The smaller of the two smiled and hummed in content as he squeezed Kenny tightly.

"Happy Valentine's Day, bright eyes."


	17. Spellbound

_Author's Note: Yeah... I kind of unleashed my nerd on this one. No regrets. By the way, I am on Pottemore; and my wand is apple with a dragon core string, slightly yielding. And yeah, I'm Hufflepuff... we're particularly good finders. Red vines._

_Okay, okay, I'm done. Now I have things to see and people to do._

_Wait..._

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

"Accio Kenny."

Butters glared at the lump on the bed and sighed heavily. Kenny promised not to sleep in and they were supposed to go to Disney World today. They had spent the past two days at Universal Studios and now Kenny had become a lump once again. He knew he shouldn't be upset as it was only nine in the morning but they had things to do. Butters had also grown to hate lines because of his friendship with Eric Cartman.

He lifted the wand he bought from The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. His, according to Pottermore was an apple wood but all they had was ash, birch, and holly so he decided to go with ash. It wasn't a big deal, he actually had a wand and now he was pretending to cast spells at Kenny, who was hugging his pillow. He was also wearing his Hufflepuff scarf and tie. He made Kenny get on Pottermore before going to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter to at least be properly sorted; he was a Gryffindor.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Butters said as he swished and flicked his wrist in a way Hermione Granger would be proud. Kenny remained still, and he grimaced. "Keeeeennnnyyyyy..." he whined, shoving his arms, "we have things to do..."

The dark blonde mumbled in his sleep and burrowed his head in the pillow. Butters sighed heavily and smirked.

"Imperio!"

He could make him wake up and then break the curse once he was awake. Only he grimaced when realizing he really wasn't a wizard, and just a stupid muggle with a wand. Of course it wouldn't work for him. It wouldn't stop him from trying at least.

"Crucio!"

Well, that one was just mean. Thankfully the only thing Kenny did was exhale rather than curl up in extreme pain. It probably wouldn't have worked anyway; Butters didn't want to hurt him. He never did. So it would probably only tickle.

"Accio Kenny," he mumbled sadly, pointing his wand at the blonde who was unmoving except for his slow breathing. He furrowed his eyebrows and waved his wand again, "Avada Kedavra!"

Okay, that was uncalled for. He really didn't want to kill Kenny; he didn't even want to maim or seriously injure him. He just wanted him awake; he went through his mind, trying to think if there was a spell to actually wake someone up. It wouldn't work, anyway.

At that, Butters looked at his wand woefullly and set it back in its box. He shoved Kenny slightly, and gasped when seeing he wasn't breathing.

"K-Kenny?"

He nudged his shoulder and noticed it was rather limp.

Oh my God, he killed Kenny.

"Kenny!"

He put his hand under his nose to see if he could feel his breath; there was none. He searched his neck and wrist for a pulse, then pressed his head against his chest to hear a heartbeat.

Butters whimpered as his eyes slowly looked to the wand on the nightstand. It couldn't have worked, it was just from a novelty shop. Actually, it was from Ollivander's, but not the real one. Just the one set up in Florida. It couldn't possibly...

"You should've tried Rennervate,"

Butters gawked and pulled away from Kenny. He looked down at the blonde who was shaking with silent laughter and glared darkly.

"Kenneth, that was _not_ funny."

"What... you thought you actually killed me?" Kenny asked with a smirk. Butters growled and pulled at his arm, dragging him out of bed. "I've been up for awhile, I just thought it was cute hearing you cast spells on me. Crucio, really?"

"You wouldn't even know what that was if I didn't make you watch the movies," the bright blonde grumbled with a disapproving tone.

"Nuh-uh, I read the books to Karen when we were little." Butters gazed into his bleary eyes and Kenny smiled.

"You had the books?" he scoffed and shook his head.

"No, I stole them from the library one summer. By the end she read each of them like three times." He faltered under Butters' adoring gaze and shrugged his shoulders. "And then we all went to that midnight premiere where everyone was duelling everyone."

"Remember when Voldemort took the front row with all of his death eaters?" Kenny snickered and nodded.

"Cartman should've been Hagrid." They burst out laughing and Butters rested his head on Kenny's chest.

"I was just an average Hufflepuff." Kenny lifted his chin and shook his head.

"Nah, you were... oh, what was his name? Ernie somethin'..." Butters burst out laughing and Kenny furrowed his eyebrows. "What?!"

"I didn't remember him, you really are a Potterhead." Kenny scoffed and rolled his eyes with a small smile.

"Not the only pot-like head I've been called," Butters snickered and pulled himself away from him.

Kenny quickly dressed and went into the bathroom. Butters glanced to his wand and picked it up, examining it closely. He pointed it at the bathroom door and shook his head. He hadn't killed Kenny, why would he think a spell would actually work?

"Alohomora," he said, and squeaked as he heard the lock click. The door opened and Kenny poked his head out with a raised eyebrow. Part of his face had shaving cream on it, and he grinned.

"Did you unlock the door?" He asked, trying not to laugh; the walls weren't soundproof and he heard him mutter that incantation. He was just messing around with Butters. But he wondered if that was a bad idea when Butters cried out and threw the wand on the bed, terrified of what he had done to Kenny. He whimpered and looked to him with wide eyes. "Hey, Buttercup, I'm kidding around... you're not a wizard."

"Shh..." Butters whispered, "you're breaking my eleven year old heart." Kenny just smiled at that, and disappeared back in the bathroom.

Butters sat on the bed, examining his wand and then touched his scarf. He heard Kenny humming a random tune from the bathroom and listened for a moment. He grinned when recognizing it as "Once Upon a Dream".

"You know, Sleeping Beauty is very fitting for you," Butters quipped. he saw Kenny's arm poke out of the door and his middle finger was held high. "Hey, you love me!"

Kenny jumping out of the bathroom, brandishing his own wand with a wicked grin. Butters hopped from the bed and pulled his arm behind him, wand at the ready.

"Expelliarmus!" They both cried in unison, then burst out laughing. Kenny looked at his wand, then at Butters, and charged for him. The bright blonde squeaked as they toppled to the floor laughing and punching and kicking.

"Bippity boppity boo," Kenny said, then tapped the top of Butters' head. He glared at Kenny, who grinned happily down at him.

"I think we'd have a Priori Incatatem," he finally mumbled. Kenny nodded, then poked Butters' chest with his wand.

"I still win that duel."

"'Cause you're a cheater!" Butters whined before he broke out in giggles. His laugh was silenced by Kenny's lips.

"C'mon," the dark blonde finally chirped, pulling him up, "we have to go to Disney World now... we can be Sora and Riku and take on the _world_!"

Butters rolled his eyes as Kenny ran out of the room.

"No, you'd be _Goofy_," he mumbled to himself with a smirk, before grabbing his wallet and room key.


	18. Black Snake Moan

_Author's Note: This is inspired by my day yesterday. Not my night... that was a different story. *looks at group of hungover guys laying in my living room watching Tangled* Oh boy..._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

He wanted a garden, he said.

It would be awesome, he said.

That was before he realized he didn't have the proper tools for gardening. He figured it could help them save on groceries and would be something fun for them both to do; their back yard was big enough, at least. Only he didn't realize how much effort it was to prepare the ground.

After spending four hours in the sun, shoveling, raking, and trying to till the lawn, Butters collapsed on the grass in a tired heap of sweat and sunburned skin. It wasn't usually this warm so early in the year. But it was nice, at least, and they weren't looking at having any snow in the forecast until next fall. That was subject to change, as always, but he was taking in these warm days and finding new energy.

Kenny, on the other hand, was still in hibernating mode.

He didn't know it was humanly possible to get sunburned through the clouds. He had ridiculously fair skin and was always prone to sunburns but it was fairly cloudy. He wiped his brow with a shaky, dirt-covered arm, and fought to stand on his numb legs. He gripped the deck railing and hoisted himself up, yelping in the process.

At least he had tilled the garden. Now he just had to treat the ground and then plant. He would wait for warmer days to do that, however. For now he was done, and he was awful proud of his hard work. Ursa thought it was a playground and began to roll around in the dirt.

"Ursa!" he cried weakly; it was such a chore giving that damn dog a bath. He usually made Kenny do it.

The bear of a dog looked up from burrowing its head in the dirt and wagged his tail happily. Butters stared in disgust at the St. Bernard and quickly bolted for the deck when seeing what he had in his mouth.

"Ew, put it down, that's gross, sick! God dammit, Ursa!" He cried, jumping onto a chair when the dog dropped the rather large snake on the deck. It lifted its body and struck at the dog, who batted at its head and crouched.

Oh no, he thought it was a toy.

The snake was huge, for Butters at least, and he watched it coil and shake its tail. But it didn't look like a rattlesnake, not exactly, he just had no clue what it was and if it was poisonous.

"U-Ursa!" He called with a shaky voice, then patted his leg. Their dog lifted his ear and barked loudly, causing Butters to jump. Butters squeaked as the snake hissed and lunged for their dog, who batted at it with his huge paw. It was knocked to the ground, and Butters couldn't help but chuckle.

From what he could tell it was mostly black with a cream color on its stomach. He quietly got down from the chair and ran into the house, grabbing an old grocery bag and latex glove from the kitchen cupboard in the process. He shuddered violently as he approached the snake, who had recoiled and now flicked its tongue at him.

"What are you...?" He asked quietly, hoping that if he reached for it he wouldn't get bit and die. That's not the wake-up call Kenny deserved.

So he called Kyle, who seemed amused as he told him it was probably a bull snake. His next suggestion was one that grossed him out. But he vaguely remembered a conversation that revolved around Kenny saying he had an anaconda in his pants.

Well, he'd have a bull snake in the bed, too, apparently. Maybe they could become good friends.

Butters shivered as he reached down and caught the snake just a little behind its neck. the body writhed violently and he shrieked as its cold tail hit his bare leg; he was wearing shorts, it was nice out and he needed to get rid of that winter glow. He knew it was trying to make that rattle sound and bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed.

Ursa was going wild as he watched Butters pick up the snake. He jumped, nearly knocking Butters over in the process, and he barely managed to push him back down on the deck.

"Stay," Butters said sternly. He watched as he sat down and wagged his tail, then tilted his head as he closed the glass door. "C'mon, you little bastard..." he murmured to the snake, who flicked its tongue out at him. Butters nearly dropped it in disgust when feeling its tail try to wrap around his leg. There was no way he was letting a snake loose in the house.

It was better than Aragog; at least he could touch the freaking basilisk.

"Hey Kenny..." Butters called gently as he walked up the stairs and into their room. He had thrown the comforter off sometime after Butters woke up this morning; it was rather warm in their room. The bluish grey sheet covered him from the waist down, and he saw he was sweating slightly as he tossed and turned his head.

Apparently he was having a nightmare.

Butters shrugged; Kenny didn't have a problem with snakes, so this wouldn't be too bothersome.

He made sure to close the door as he slowly lifted the blanket. Kenny made a quiet sound in his sleep before his nails dug in the pillow. Now he was rethinking this, and considered just waking him gently. He frequently had nightmares, from what Butters didn't know, and those were the days he usually let him off easy. Instead of a near heart-attack he just woke him with a hug and running his hand through his hair.

But he really couldn't pass up this opportunity.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, knowing Kenny wouldn't hear him; at least he could now tell Kenny he had apologized and didn't really want to wake him like this if he woke up angry.

He let go of the snake as soon as he laid him next to Kenny. He cringed as he watched it slither up his side, causing Kenny to jerk and thrash his head the opposite direction. As it slithered down the sheets, Butters gagged, and he heard Kenny whimper.

"S-stop..."

He could see from beneath the sheet that the snake was wrapping around his leg; were they constrictors? Butters wasn't quite sure, but he watched as Kenny sat straight up with wide eyes as he looked at Butters. His chest heaved for air as he woke up from his nightmare, and it appeared as if he had seen a ghost.

"W-what the hell is on my leg?!" He asked, ripping the sheets back. Kenny yelped as he scrambled off the bed, falling in the process, and reached for the snake. Butters heard it hiss and watched as Kenny grabbed its head, then quickly pulled its tail and body from his leg. With shaky arms he threw it at Butters, who let out a cry of alarm as he caught it. He ran to the window, opened both the glass and screen, all the while battling with an angry bull snake, and threw it out the window. He watched as Ursa ran for it, and shuddered as he saw it slither through the dead grass.

He turned to Kenny who looked both frightened and angry, and his heart fell.

"Are you okay?" Butters asked gently.

"I'm fine," Kenny grumbled, snatching the blankets and throwing them on the bed. He still appeared shaky, and he jerked as Butters touched his arm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't..." he trailed off; he didn't know what to say. He knew Kenny was having a nightmare but he still went through with it. Yet he couldn't just pick and choose what days he decided to torment Kenny. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Kenny sighed and ran a hand through his sweaty hair.

"I... I knew you were havin' a nightmare but I still-"

"Dude, it's fine, just... just drop it. I'm fine." Kenny tried to walk out of the room, but Butters pulled him back. He sighed angrily when seeing the concern on his fiancee's face. "I'm fine."

"What was this one about?" He knew it was stupid to ask. Kenny never told him. He said he wouldn't understand, he would think he was crazy, and it just wasn't worth it to talk about it. But there were so many things he did that Kenny could say he was crazy for; besides, you can't help what you dream, so it didn't really matter what he thought.

"Just... nothing, I don't remember."

"You're lying," he knew when Kenny lied. It was that tone of voice. He could look him in the eye and lie perfctly; he just knew well enough what voice was used for what. Kenny just shook his head and took a deep breath as he calmed himself down. Butters pulled him forward and wrapped his arms around him.

"You're sunburned," Kenny mumbled with a smile in his voice as he held Butters' waist.

"You're deflecting."

"I don't want to talk about it," there was a whole part of Kenny's life they didn't talk about. They usually called it The Dark Ages. Also known as junior year of high school.

"But it's bothering you!" Butters couldn't help it. He hated it when Kenny did this. He mostly hated that he had nightmares and didn't let Butters do anything about it. "I just want to help, please, Kenny?" He also hated that sad, teary tone of voice he got when he was upset. It always made Kenny feel bad. "Please?"

He felt Kenny rest his head on his shoulder and tighten his hold around him. Butters squeezed him closer and ran his hand lovingly through his hair.

"Your fucking snake didn't help either," he mumbled finally, voice soft. Butters hated that voice more than he hated his own.

"I'm sorry... Ursa found it after I worked outside."

"Mmm..."

"I'm sorry... what... what happened in your dream?"

"I died," he heard Kenny finally mumble. Butters pulled away from him.

"You can't die in your dreams!" Butters cried, "if you die in your dreams, you die in real life... God, that must have been awful. I've only woken up right before I died. I remember this one dream of mine where we were doin' something and I ended up falling and I woke up right before I landed. I jumped so bad." He heard Kenny laugh sadly. "You actually died in your dream?" Kenny nodded. "I guess you don't die in real life after all..."

"Or I'm just different," the dark blonde murmured sadly. Butters had a feeling he was hinting at something more, but didn't want to push. The fact he actually got a response about what happened amazed him.

"Everyone's a little different, hon," Butters assured, then kissed his temple. Kenny sighed and pressed his nose into his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?" Kenny felt small in his arms as he burrowed farther into him.

"Just hold me."


	19. Kenny Strikes Back

_Author's Note: I managed to cough this up as well as a lung. I'm on a nerd streak, I think. _

_I'm feeling under the weather so I apologize if there are any typos. I have edited but I'm sure my current state has made me jump over some things. _

_Anywho, enjoy!_

* * *

It was early and it was bright and Kenny just wanted to go back to sleep.

But it was one of those mornings where, no matter how hard you try, sleep evades you and you end up just sitting there thinking about everything. And thinking never did him any good so he wouldn't let himself do that. With a quiet grumble and a glare of jealousy toward Butters, he carefully scooted from beneath the smaller blonde and placed his pillow in his spot. He couldn't help but smile as Butters clutched it tight and nuzzled against it.

Mornings were never his thing and even though it was ten in the morning, which most people would consider late, he still felt as if he had been run over by a train and tried to find enough exhaustion to go back to bed. Unfortunately he wasn't tired enough so his feet betrayed him and he found himself outside having a cigarette in the cool mid-March air.

There was only one good thing about waking up before Butters; revenge.

And it wouldn't be the near heart-attack inducing fear he had caused the last time this happened; he learned his lesson. He knew exactly what he wanted to do and what he needed. There was just one problem.

"Stan?" He found himself asking with the cigarette still in his mouth.

"Mhmm...?" Apparently Stan was still sleeping so he didn't feel so bad about his morning habits; or lack thereof.

"Do you still happen to have a lightsaber? Mine broke."

There was only one way to combat Butters' _Harry Potter_ attack, and that was with _Star Wars_. Of course, it went to shit when the prequel happened, and even worse when Disney bought the franchise, but he didn't want to think about that. The fact that Stan _did_ have a lightsaber, and his favorite one at that, was enough to make him want to have a movie marathon; too bad he had work nearly every day and Butters couldn't sit through all of the movies. That's something he had to do with Kyle.

So he found himself at Kyle and Stan's apartment browsing through their collection of various movie memorabilia they were both embarrassed and protective over. Some were simple toys whereas others were relics from various sets. Kyle had started it and it was something they both ended up doing together as long as Kyle helped him with his concert collection. Personally, as Kenny rifled through it and passed a water bottle with the label "Blink-182 Concert: 2010" he was thankful he and Butters weren't _that_ weird.

"What is this for?" Kyle, barely dressed and sporting frizzy red curls, croaked sleepily. Kenny shrugged and looked over what he recognized as the Tenth Doctor's sonic screwdriver. Kyle blushed as Kenny raised an eyebrow and set it back in the box.

"Something. I'll bring it back tonight, promise. Can I just ask you two something?" Both Kyle and Stan, who looked completely wrecked from whatever they did the previous night, nodded slowly. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What d'you mean?" Stan asked before he took the last swig of his coffee. Kenny looked to the box.

"You have water bottles and wrist bands from concerts... and cheapo toys you can get at Barnes and Noble that I'm sure you paid like four times as much for. Isn't that taking up space?"

"You just don't get it," Kyle replied, sending a knowing look to Stan who just nodded; Kenny hated that they had this super secret telepathic code. Kenny sighed and shrugged his shoulders; he supposed he and Butters had weird stuff like that others noticed as well. He just didn't know what, seeing as how they _weren't_ fanatic hoarders.

"All I get is that you're weird," Kenny teased as he waved the lightsaber with through the air, then twirled it between his fingers much like how he spun knives.

"Says the one who has The Treasure Chest," Kenny felt his cheeks heat at that.

"You went snooping in our closet, that was _your_ fault, assmuncher!" the blonde quipped in response to Kyle's smug retort. Stan was trying not to laugh. Kyle waved him off as he chortled, which earned him a one finger salute before Kenny closed the door. "Freaks," he grumbled to himself before he descended the stairs, all the while waving the lightsaber between his fingers.

Kenny arrived back home about fifteen minutes later. He quietly ran up the stairs and was greeted with the sight of Butters sleeping soundly as he snuggled in the blankets. He couldn't believe how innocent he could look; there were moments where he still seemed ten years old. No matter what he was adorable, but he couldn't help but feel a tug on his heart when he saw him sleeping. Butters was content and happy with whatever dream he was dreaming; he didn't have to deal with the stress he endured when he was awake.

"You can cast all the spells you want at me..." Kenny began, brandishing the lightsaber. He looked at it in surprise as it hummed with his movements. It glowed purple and he grinned; his was nothing like this. "But I have the Force."

He lowered his arm furiously and heard the plastic smack against Butters' forehead. A synthetic whir came from the toy and he shook his head in awe.

Butters moaned quietly and put his hand over his forehead.

"Wake up," Kenny commanded, whacking him on the shoulder with the saber this time. "Up."

The bright blonde below him mumbled incoherently and Kenny smirked before smacking the plastic saber over his stomach. Before he pulled it away, Butters managed to grab it and opened one eye.

"McCormick," he grumbled; his voice was considerably lower when he first woke up and Kenny loved it. The darker blonde smiled dazzling white teeth down at him and Butters shook his head once. "You realize if this were real you would have scalped me, taken off my arm, and cut me in half?"

"Well, you shoulda woke up!" Butters scoffed quietly and let go of the lightsaber.

"'m tired, Ken, I _never_ wake you this early..." he whined, pulling the blanket up to his cheeks. Kenny fell back on the bed and Butters immediately crawled between his legs and rested his head on his lap. "Why are you awake?"

"Don't question the Force," he replied with a sly grin. Butters rolled his eyes and felt Kenny's legs wrap around him.

"You're not a Jedi," Butters huffed; he felt Kenny tap him on the head in response and he furrowed his eyebrows. "You can be a vigilante or a Japanese princess, but you can't be a Jedi."

"Why the hell not?!" The shorter of the two couldn't help but laugh at Kenny's genuine question. He looked as if he had been slapped in the face.

"Because I said so."

"Well... I have the Force, so your argument is invalid," Kenny replied as his fingers ran absentmindedly through Butters' soft hair.

"You think you, do but you don't." Butters grimaced as Kenny hit him on the head with the lightsaber once again. "Kenneth!"

"We don't do anything that people would find weird, do we?" Kenny asked, slightly out of the blue. Butters opened his eyes and shook his head.

"The only thing I could think of is my torture techniques to wake you up."

"It's not _torture_," Kenny murmured his response. Butters flashed him a soft smile before looping their fingers together.

"Okay, fine, my masochist. Why do you ask?"

"'Cause we're not gonna end up collecting water bottles from concerts are we?" Butters snickered and shook his head. "Good."

"No, we'll probably be so desperate for a life that we'll save the shirts we wear to the concerts and never wash them again. Then when we're looking for that semblance of a social life we'll sniff them and say 'I remember the good ol' days of smelling like twenty men pushing their way to the mosh pit. And pot.'"

Butters burst out laughing at the horrified expression on Kenny's face. He winced as he strained his neck while Kenny fumbled around on the nightstand.

"What are you doing?!" He cried emphatically; he just wanted another hour of sleep. That's all he needed.

"I need a life..." Kenny whined, tapping furiously into his phone, "I don't want to sniff fat men on my favorite shirts..."

"I was _teasing_."

"But it could happen! You don't joke about stuff like that! I'll be that desperate and we both know it!" Butters couldn't stifle his laughter anymore.

"Okay, so what's the plan, brilliant Jedi?" He pressed sleepily. Butters nuzzled his head on Kenny's thigh and pressed his lips on the fabric of his pants.

"I'm telling David I need to cut back on my hours at work... not gonna be like Style..." Butters bit back his snicker as he sat up momentarily. He lifted Kenny's hips and pulled at the waistband of his sweat pants, exposing his Batman boxers and pallid legs. "What're you doing...?" Butters pulled his pants off of him, then rested his head on his thigh once more.

"Better," was the only reply Kenny received. He shrugged and tightened his legs around Butters as his fingers danced in his hair. "I'm definitely not opposed to the shorter work days for you. You deserve it." Kenny hummed at that. "I just... I'm curious about something."

"Hmm?" Kenny asked lazily. He was starting to grow sleepy himself. Maybe he could sleep another hour or so as well. Except he felt Butters grab his wrist as his knees held down his hands. Kenny was surprised at first, and watched as he opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out the wand he bought on their vacation.

"If you have the Force, then I can fight back, right?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"I guess that's fair..." he replied with a grin as he caught the fierce look in Butters' eyes. He liked that look way more than he should have. "Your move, I used my lightsaber to wake you."

"Perfect!" Butters chirped. Kenny felt his smile fade as he held the wand in his hand and pointed it at him. "_Petrificus Totalus_!"

"What one's that?" Kenny asked curiously; it sounded familiar.

"Full body bind, mister." Kenny's jaw dropped, and Butters shook his head as he wore a devilish grin that sent shivers down Kenny's spine. "You can't move a single muscle. Where's your Force now, _Jedi_?" The bright blonde growled in a low voice before he dug his nails in the small tear in Kenny's shirt and yanked it in two. He smiled against Kenny's skin and felt him tense slightly. "I said not a _single_ muscle."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kenny mumbled. Butters looked up at him, at first ready to scold, but when he saw the look on his face he couldn't help but laugh.

"Shut up, I'm trying to be dominant. I said no moving!" Kenny looked down at him and tried not to laugh, or move, which caused Butters to laugh even more.

"This is what I get for trying to strike back." He couldn't help but say that; it was a given.

"Oh, you're an empire?" Butters teased, then shook his head and replaced the humor in his eyes with a menacing glimmer. "You can try to strike back all you want, dear, but I'm the only one who has struck. And I'm the only one who will stroke. Got it?"

Kenny closed his eyes and shivered. Yep, this was exactly what he wanted. The Force was with him, after all.


	20. Golden

_Author's Note: I hope you all had a happy Easter if you celebrate Easter! Or a happy 4/20. Or a happy Sunday._

* * *

Butters pushed the large container, nearly full of water, down the hall. By the time he managed to kick it with as much strength as he could muster, he was out of breath and he couldn't feel his legs. Butters trembled as he lugged the plastic container to the edge of the bed and nearly dropped it as he dumped the water into the small baby pool that just so happened to appear in their room.

Kenny deserved a rude awakening. It's not that he had done anything wrong, today was just a little different. And he had thought a lot about this tactic and after watching a multitude of successful wake up pranks revolving around this, he figured he could pull it off just as well. The only problem he faced was he was already exhausted and all he did was fill the baby pool. All he had to do was flip the mattress and run like hell.

He bit his lip and pulled up the corner of the mattress. He fit himself between the wall and the bed and worked his hands under until he had a decent grip. With a mental countdown in his head, Butters watched Kenny with intense eyes. He didn't want him waking up right before he had a chance to do this. But he really did want to see the expression on his face right before he was plunged into a rubber baby pool filled up to eight inches.

Butters pushed with all of his might to lift his side of the mattress. He didn't flip it all the way into the air, but enough to make Kenny slide off, yet not too quickly. He set it down and watched as Kenny jumped awake not even a millisecond before falling facedown into the tiny pool.

He burst out laughing when he caught sight of Kenny's position. His feet stuck out of the pool and he had tried to cover his face before he landed. Water sloshed off of the sides and onto the floor; Butters honestly didn't mind much although he probably should have. He grabbed the stereo remote and pressed play; the beginning to a song he knew Kenny despised played, and the dark blonde, shivering and soaked down the front, shot up from the pool.

"Leopold-"

"Happy Birthday, Kenneth!" He shouted, much to the aggravation of his fiancee who was glaring daggers at him.

_"It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters_  
_And make fun of our exes, uh uh, uh uh-"_

"-Stotch turn that shit off right now or I will _kill_ you!" Kenny cried, then lunged for the remote. Taylor Swift's unsurprisingly terrible hit played off of the stereo and Butters couldn't stifle his giggles anymore as he watched Kenny slip and fall on the bed. "I hate you."

"No you don't!" Butters cried over the loud music. Kenny launched himself at Butters, who was laughing hysterically as Kenny swiped the remote from his hands and turned off the stereo.

"Why do you even have that song?"

"I got it just for you, just for today... I don't regret it." Butters eyed Kenny, who appeared half normal and half like a drenched puppy who had nearly drowned. Kenny raked a hand through his hair, pulling back his bangs in the process, and gave the bright blonde a look before he sat on the bed.

"I'm not dealing with that pool. I'm not doing anything today and you can't make me." Butters raised an eyebrow and sat next to him.

"Okay, Princess," Kenny just smiled smugly and made a face as Butters wiped at the water on his face. "We're still going out with Stan and Kyle and Cartman, right?" Cartman was in town for spring break, although he didn't seem to happy about it. Kenny shrugged, then nodded. "Good, 'cause I've been looking forward to that all week."

"The shit-faced version of you makes me so happy," Kenny simply replied, then took off his shirt and scratched at his damp skin. Butters just smiled at him before he went to the dresser and tossed Kenny some dry clothes. Honestly they usually wore the same style so he was unable to identify whose clothes were whose anymore.

"So you're not mad about the pool? Or the Taylor Swift?" Kenny scoffed.

"The pool is your problem and I'm questioning your sanity on behalf of the Taylor Swift bullshit. But I'm not mad, so... honestly it's a pretty awesome way to wake up, being thrown in a pool, I mean."

"Are you encouraging me?" Butters asked with a grin. Kenny shrugged as he changed into the clothes and tossed his pajamas in the hamper.

"Maybe not encouraging... I'm just impressed by your progression." Butters hummed at that, and felt Kenny pull him close by the hem of his shirt.

"I'm just glad you're so compliant," Kenny smirked and pressed their foreheads together.

"Oh yeah, I'm always willing..." Butters rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kenny. He felt Kenny tense as Butters slapped his ass, and he couldn't help but smirk at that.

"Twenty-one to go," Kenny's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No, you're not doing that stupid smack thing. Nuh-uh."

"Why? I can make it enjoyable, maybe you can slap me too," Butters suggested coyly; he caught the look in Kenny's eyes and smiled innocently.

"But it's not your birthday."

"Well then, a very merry unbirthday to me, huh? Besides, you're the birthday boy... it's whatever you wanna do. I'm _always_ willing," Butters teased. Kenny's eyes lit up, then faltered. Butters' smile faded.

"Oh, it's up to me? I'm actually kinda hungry. I think I'm gonna get some breakfast," he heard the laugh in his voice as Kenny turned away and walked to the door. Butters whined and sat on the bed, hoping the sound would lure him back. Kenny just turned around and looked at the pool. "This ass ain't gonna be touched til that thing gets outta here." Butters raised an eyebrow, as if silently asking, _you wanna make a bet?_ Kenny just held his ground, flashed an evil grin, then disappeared.

"You're an asshole!" Butters whined, then kicked the pool. Water splashed on his pant leg and he grimaced.

"No, but I have one!" Kenny called back from a distance; Butters glared and bent down to drain the water back in the container.

Five trips back and forth between the bedroom and bathroom and two shaky legs later, Butters hoisted the container in the tub and fell back on the floor as he heard it empty down the drain. He couldn't feel his arms or legs this time and if he passed out from physical exhaustion then Kenny deserved to find him like that.

He heard rustling in their bedroom and lifted his head lazily. Slowly he made his way into the room and saw Kenny meticulously folding the pool to fit back in the box. He smiled at Butters, closed the box, and put it in the closet.

"Saving it?" Butters asked with a tone of curiosity. Kenny shrugged and lifted Butters effortlessly. "Why is water so heavy?" he mumbled into Kenny's shoulder. The bright blonde squealed as Kenny smacked his bottom three times before laying him on the bed; Butters instantly curled into his side once Kenny rested next to him.

"Yeah, I dunno it could come in handy some day." Butters furrowed his eyebrows yet said nothing more as he slipped his hand under Kenny's shirt. "I feel old." Butters laughed softly and shook his head.

"Well, you're not. You're twenty-two, these are apparently the best years of our lives aaaand it's your golden birthday!" Butters chirped, "that means it's even more special." Kenny smiled and ran his hands up Butters' sides. _"Are you feeling twenty-two ooh ooh...?"_ He teased, earning another smack.

"Yes, my darling dork," Kenny mumbled before he kissed him. "Now, about those birthday slaps..."


	21. Are You Positive?

_Author's Note: So sorry for the delay of chapters. I've had a pretty hectic couple of weeks and honestly the only reason why SAC was updated rather than this is because I have 20+ edited chapters ready to update in document manager. So this weekend is completely dedicated to this story. I'm so sorry for the delay and I really hope these next few chapters make up for it._

* * *

"Are you serious?!" He heard the girl's voice from the other end of the phone. "I can't do that! He will have a heart attack!"

"That's kind of the point," Butters heard Karen scoff and he sighed heavily. "It's enough of a shock to wake him up at least. Kyle and Stan's rehearsal is in like four hours and we're the best men. We should be there now... or something. I don't know. Please, Karen?! You have to do this for me!"

"...you realize he will murder me, right?" The nineteen year old asked warily.

"No, he'll murder me... he'll buy you a chastity belt." Karen snickered and Butters couldn't help but smile.

"Fine. You owe me... you have to let me in at Equinox." Butters sighed heavily; he could talk to the director about it. She was a good enough actress, in fact she was really good. She just needed to try out and it was extremely difficult to get even a call back. He was amazed he had and he went to nationals in college for theatre.

"Deal," he assured her and tip-toed in their bedroom to make sure Kenny's phone volume was on high. His fiance lay sprawled out across the bed, snoring slightly due to allergies. He looked comfortable, except a little warm. "I love you," he said to Karen.

"I love you too, I'll see you tonight!" She chirruped much too cheerily. It put him on edge and as he ended the call he couldn't help but dread what was about to happen. He quickly ran into the spare bedroom they turned into an office to make it seem like he was pre-occupied.

He tensed as he heard Kenny's phone ring and the man grumble as he fumbled to reach for it.

"Mm hey Kar-bear..." he trailed off groggily. Butters bit his lip and opened up Facebook on his laptop; that would work. Huh, apparently Tweek opened a bakery... "No, you didn't wake me... what... what's wrong?"

Nausea gripped Butters' stomach and he took a shuddered breath as he focused on the photos of the beautiful cakes and bread Tweek made. He wondered if he made Stan and Kyle's wedding cake.

"You're _what_?!" Kenny roared and Butters cringed as he bit his knuckle. Uh oh. This was a really bad idea. Suddenly he regretted asking Karen to do this. "You... you're not serious." A brief pause, "I'm going to kill that fucking Canadian. Shit, fuck... you're my baby sister you can't..."

It sounded as if Kenny scrambled out of bed. His feet padded lightly on the wood floors as he ran down the stairs. Apparently he was looking for him. He heard his muffled voice as he ran throughout the house, then moments later his feet seemed to stampede up the stairs.

In less than a second, Kenny was in the doorway of the office with tears in his eyes and a completely ashen face. Butters felt his heart sink and guilt clenched his stomach.

"Karen you're not serious. You're not pregnant... you... you said you were waiting, you... fuck." Butters heard her talk calmly on the other end, although he couldn't understand what she was saying. "Say what now?"

Butters closed his laptop and rolled away slowly on the office chair as Kenny's ice blue eyes narrowed on him. "You're not just saying that so I don't castrate your boyfriend?" his voice seemed to waver slightly and he cleared his throat. "...so you're not pregnant." Another break. "I know, I didn't think you... yeah, I'm sure I respect that decision more than anyone. All right, all right... no I'm not mad at you." Butters swore he heard his name and Kenny sighed. "Yeah, I know. I'm going to be speaking to him now... I'll see you at the rehearsal, love you."

The dark blonde ended the call and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"Leopold Stotch," his tone was cold and his eyes were dark. "What the hell gave you the idea to do that?" Butters blinked up at him and realized for the first time Kenny wasn't just frustrated at his wake-up method. Right now he was pissed... and it took a lot to get him to that state.

"I-I..." damn his stutter. He hadn't stuttered around Kenny in so long. But this didn't seem to make an impact on Kenny, who sent a cold glare in his direction. "I figured... I dunno... you'd be relieved she wasn't."

"Oh I am," Kenny snapped, "I'm overjoyed that my sister isn't pregnant and has stuck to her guns. What I... come on, you know how I feel about that! Seriously, what made you think that that could have been even a semi-decent idea?!" he was yelling now and his voice strained from his tone; he didn't usually use such volume. But Butters could understand why he was upset, although it wasn't exactly fair.

"Well, she agreed and it woke you up so the idea fulfilled its purpose. I'm not sorry." They didn't usually argue, and Butters was worried that what he just said would turn into argument number six. Kenny's eyes flashed fiercely as he stared down at him with pure anger in his expression.

"I don't care! She's my baby sister and-"

"Kenny, she's not a baby anymore!" Butters finally exploded. Kenny looked as if he had just been slapped in the face. "She's your sister but she isn't a _baby_. She's nineteen. Yeah, maybe she hasn't had sex and that's great but you can't keep trying to protect her from every little thing. She's in college, she's doing great and she has to have a chance to experience things! You see her as if she's five years old! Someday she's gonna get married, someday she's gonna have babies... do you honestly think you're that ignorant? You have to face it- she's an adult and she's afraid to talk to you about things because you see her as a little kid rather than a young woman who needs her brother's help!"

Kenny froze and Butters felt a chill as he exhaled. Butters opened his mouth to speak yet the taller of the two turned around and walked out of the room.

"Ken, wait-"

"Fuck off. I'm not talking to you right now," Kenny growled as he walked to their room. Butters rolled his eyes and followed him. He watched as Kenny dressed quickly, then walked down the stairs.

"Now _you're_ being the baby."

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.

Kenny spun around and Butters flinched on instinct. His eyes were a blue blaze and he looked ready to kill. The shorter of the two grabbed the door and prepared to shut it, out of instinct. He was used to falling asleep against the door to make sure his father didn't come in at night. He knew he'd never have to do that with Kenny but right now he felt a little scared.

"You're treading on thin ice," Kenny warned lowly, "you have no fucking idea what you're talking about and you call me ignorant? You didn't grow up with a sister who was clinically depressed at the age of four. You didn't spend night after night holding her as she had panic attacks. You didn't spend your _whole life_ dying to make sure she was happy and healthy. And here you are telling me that I'm the one who is in the wrong? She is my responsibility! And I _failed_ her and I'm trying my fucking hardest to make sure I never do so again. So excuse me for being overprotective. Excuse me for giving a damn. You weren't there when they put her away and you didn't have to wash her blood off of you. So no, Leopold, I'm _not_ being the fucking baby. _I'm being the goddamn parent she never fucking had_!"

"So stop being her damn parent and be her brother!" Butters fired back, "that's all she wants from you... all she needs! She doesn't need a superhero! She needs _you_!"

Kenny threw the keys on the table and slammed his fist on the wall. Butters winced as he heard a crunch in his hand and couldn't help but wrapped his arms around himself. He knew he struck a nerve but Kenny needed to hear this; Karen wasn't a little girl anymore and she hadn't been for a long time.

"I..." Kenny trailed off finally and raked a hand through his hair. Butters put an arm on his shoulder and squeezed to reassure him.

"Don't you dare tell me you're not good enough, Kenneth," Butters grumbled finally. The dark blonde looked down at him and sighed. "Besides, you're gonna have to get used to the thought of her bein' pregnant someday. Especially if we're gonna have kids." Kenny raised an eyebrow and gave him a look.

"What does that have to do with anything?" He asked, still frustrated and in need of venting. But now he was mostly upset rather than pissed so he could hide that well.

"Well, I want kids. And you want kids..." Kenny nodded, "but you don't want your kids have your DNA for some stupid reason," Kenny scoffed. It wasn't a stupid reason, it was protection. "So... Karen and I were talking. If she's a viable candidate then... she said she'd want to be our surrogate mommy."

Kenny gawked.

"Say what?"Butters smiled a little and sighed. "When the hell did you have that conversation?"

"Two nights ago, when you were shitfaced." He explained. "She said that if she was a viable candidate then she would be more than happy to be our surrogate mommy." Butters could see the transition in Kenny's expression as he considered this idea. The anger was quickly being replaced with something else, and he felt his stomach knot with nerves as he approached this conversation on eggshells.

He knew he was treading on even thinner water; this was something Kenny didn't want to talk about.

"I thought you wanted to adopt." Butters nodded and took his hand in his.

"No, I still do! But... we could have a little us walking around too."

"A McStotchkick baby..." Kenny trailed off. The bright blonde could almost feel the excitement and dread radiate into him from Kenny. "Karen actually agreed to that?" Butters shook his head.

"It was her idea... just imagine it, Ken. We could actually have a kid who has both of our genes... or as damn close as we could ever get." The dark blonde laughed softly and wrapped his arms around his fiance. He wasn't so angry anymore, upset yeah, but now...

"A little munchkin running around with puffy bright hair and pretty blue eyes." The shorter of the two nodded and squeezed his hand.

"And freckles under his or her nose... and crinkles around their eyes when they laugh. Tall, too, very tall." Kenny laughed at that and exhaled softly as he held Butters tighter.

"She'd really do that for us?" He nearly whispered; almost too afraid to ask. Butters nodded and looked up at him, waiting to say what he would say or do next.

"Yeah, Ken... she'd do anything for you. For us," Butters added and smiled as Kenny just stared at him in shock. "Because she's your sister and she wants you to know that you can depend on her just like she can with you."

"Fuck..." he trailed off as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry." Butters stood on tip-toes and captured his lips in a chaste kiss.

"Don't be sorry," he mumbled, "just... be her brother." He burrowed his nose in Butters' hair and inhaled the minty-lavender scent that always calmed him down. "Hows about we get ready, lover?" He suggested, leading him to the stairs.

"Whatever you say, daddy." Kennt teased with a smirk. Butters whipped around with a sour stomach and glared.

"We said no to that. Don't call me that again!" He wasn't angry, it just grossed him out. "Nasty freak," he grumbled as Kenny laughed with an almost sadistic tone as they ran up the stairs.


	22. Wake-Up Call

_Author's Note: Here's something different... I thought it would be interesting. A tad cliche... but we all fall into that from time to time, so I regret nothing. Enjoy :)._

* * *

They had gotten in a fight last night.

Butters didn't know exactly what started it. Perhaps it was one comment after another during the rehearsal. He was drunk half the night, anyway, and after the dinner and the practice they all went out and got wasted. He wasn't quite sure what all was said and done but he did remember actually screaming at Kenny for who knows why, and taking his car to Kyle and Stan's apartment because he didn't know where else to go. He was too angry with Kenny to even try to talk things out.

And he didn't remember why.

As he woke up on their living room couch he clutched his throbbing head and covered his eyes from the blinding light pouring through the window. He heard Stan and Kyle talking in their bedroom and he groaned softly as he sat up. He hadn't planned on being hungover for their wedding, but some things were unavoidable and he didn't regret it.

He did regret fighting with Kenny though. Especially because he couldn't remember what had started it, or what had been said.

"Hey, you're awake," Stan said as he walked out of the room, dressed in his tuxedo. "We've got a few hours before the wedding... we're gonna head down there now. Uh... are you okay?"

"Why am I even here?" He remembered leaving. He knew it was stupid for him to drive while drunk and he was sure that he ran a few red lights in his drunken rage. Kyle laughed a little as he walked out of their room and put his arm over Stan's shoulder.

"Well, I'm technically not supposed to be here either, so it's okay," Butters smiled feebly and felt his stomach churn with nausea. He couldn't get sick today. "Uh... you showed up at about four in the morning. After crying and puking for an hour you ended up falling asleep... that's honestly all I remember."

"Kenny and I got in a fight." Stan nodded and sat down next to Butters who probably looked as bad as he felt.

"I talked with you for a bit... kinda. Couldn't get ahold of Kenny but I'm sure he isn't mad anymore. You guys just have to talk... it's better to actually get what's bothering you out rather than suppress it."

"Trust me," Kyle grumbled. Stan raised an eyebrow at him.

"We _can't_ fight on our wedding day, dude!" The redhead poked his tongue out in response and went to the bathroom to tame his curls somewhat. The raven-haired man turned to Butters and squeezed his shoulder. "Listen, I'd say you could get ready here but I'm not having awkward best men toasts full of passive aggressive tension between you and Kenny. And your tux is at your house."

"I know... what if he hates me?" Butters asked, "I don't even know why we fought."

"Honestly, I doubt he remembers why either. Besides, he needs his alarm clock." Butters laughed softly and nodded before Stan hugged him. "It'll be okay, I promise."

Butters needed that extra hug, and the espresso Kyle made, to give him the strength to make his way to his car. He felt like he was doing the walk of shame, half-staggering, half-asleep as he stumbled to his car in the clothes he wore last night. Thankfully no one saw him.

He was nervous about going home but knew that he would have to sometime. Butters just didn't want Kenny angry that he was there. They didn't have the time to argue; they needed to be ready in a half hour at the absolute latest to make it to Estes Park on time. That meant he had to make sure Kenny was even awake and honestly waking him had gotten them to where they were in the first place so he was more than slightly terrified.

Butters sighed as he turned from the light and drove down three blocks. He followed the slight loop in the road, took a left, and found himself nervous as he stared at the house he called his home. It looked so quiet and calm. He was just afraid of the storm inside. Butters wasn't necessarily afraid of Kenny, he was just afraid of the fact that Kenny never got angry and right now he was just as furious as him, if not more. He was still confused on why he was angry; but his rage was almost blinding as he shut off the ignition and closed the door to his car.

He opened the door and was instantly greeted with the smell of their home. It was a nice smell, calm and comforting after a long day; like a warm hug. Only it brought a chill through his spine as he closed the front door. Everything was quiet and grey, as if the morning sun hadn't quite hit their house. Ursa perked his head up from the living room, by the couch, and Butters smiled as his tail wagged.

But he knew their dog was never not around someone. So that meant Kenny was in the living room.

At least he was awake, Butters figured as he walked into the room.

"Kenny, I'm home..." Butters trailed off uneasily as he stood at the side of the couch. His eyes widened as he caught sight of his fiance, however, and he shuddered in slight fear.

Kenny had a tendency to fall asleep with his eyes open and it made him look dead. The only reason Butters could even tell he was asleep was because of the glazed over look in his eye. If Butters didn't know any better he would be checking his vitals to make sure he really wasn't dead.

His legs were curled close to him and his arms were folded on his stomach. He was half sitting, half laying as he stared off into nothing; Butters followed his gaze and found him looking at the corner of the ceiling. He looked cold, goose pimples had risen on his skin, and he was wearing his Batman pajama pants and- Butters felt his heart ache as he saw he was wearing his senior class' theatre department t-shirt. He looked as if he had just fallen asleep, which was often the case with his sleeping with his eyes open problem.

But he didn't have time to plot a good wake up scheme, so he did the only thing that seemed logical. Kenny jumped as Butters hit him in the face with a pillow; his gasp instantly turned into a yawn and Butters saw his eyes water as he blinked.

"We have to leave in like twenty minutes if we want to make it early," Butters mumbled, looking away as Kenny rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll be ready in ten minutes." He was short and to the point.

Kenny said nothing as Butters disappeared up the stairs and into their room. It was warm as he entered the room, and the bed was still made, which was always his doing. Butters sighed as he rested his head on the doorway and stared into the room; he hated fighting with Kenny. This feeling always happened right after, and right now looking in their room made him want to burst into tears.

Because he wasn't happy, but their room was the happiest place he could think to ever go. And it was left just as they had left it last night. Not a single thing looked out of place.

What did he and Kenny fight about in the first place?

He heard a floorboard creak; the bright blonde turned to find Kenny standing there, staring into the room with a lost expression as well. Then again, he also looked ready to pass out.

"If you thought I could sleep in their on my own you're fucking stupid," Kenny mumbled. Any other moment Butters would have laughed; all he could think was how relieved he was that Kenny felt as put off by their room as he did right now. "I'll be ready in five minutes... coffee's on. You look beat." Butters smiled, though Kenny couldn't see it. He could go for another coffee.

He just didn't like how normal this felt. Something was off and it was bothering Butters. What bothered him more was the fact that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't remember why they fought. It almost seemed pointless now; except the thought of Kenny made him feel empty, guilty.

"What happened?" Butters finally asked. Kenny froze and stared at the ground as he tried to think of what to say. The dark blonde finally looked up and shrugged his shoulders.

"I was pretty out of it so I don't remember much, honestly. From what I remember it was just carried on from yesterday morning. I'm sorry, it was my fault." Butters furrowed his eyebrows at his immediate blame. "I'm done arguing... it was my fault in the first place. So I'm sorry." Butters narrowed his eyes and folded his arms as he looked to his fiance.

"I was so drunk... I don't remember a thing. I don't even know why we argued and... it all seems so pointless."

"That makes two of us," he responded calmly. "I just think it's done with... whatever it was. We've got Style's wedding to go to and we can just forget about it. I don't care, we ca-"

"I don't want to forget about it, Ken." Butters couldn't stop himself from saying, "that's not how we'll fix anything."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about it." Butters felt a pang in his heart as he realized it probably dealt with more than just a simple fight. Kenny looked as if he really didn't want to talk about it though; he just wanted to know who had done what?

"Did someone cheat on someone?" Kenny scoffed and shook his head as he carefully dressed in his tuxedo pants; he had never worn anything so fancy and Butters knew he was more than a little nervous.

"No, no cheating. Lee, I really don't want to talk about this."

"Well fuck you, I do. I don't remember anything that happened and now I'm pissed off." Kenny gave him a pleading look as he pulled on his undershirt before the white button up. "And hungover and I really want coffee and a hug because I feel like crying but it'll hurt my head even more."

Kenny stopped buttoning his shirt and sighed sadly as he looked at Butters. He opened his arms and the bright blonde burrowed his head in his chest. He closed his eyes and felt his long fingers run through his still sleep-mussed hair.

"You won't understand if I told you... you'll just be even more upset and wereally need to leave."

"Well I'm not leaving until you tell me. I'm not even getting ready until you tell me." He heard Kenny's audible annoyance as he led them to their bed, then sat down. Butters perched on his lap and looked into Kenny's eyes.

"Something happened last night but you're not going to remember."

"I don't," he grumbled. Kenny shook his head.

"No, even if you try you won't remember. Yeah, we were a little annoyed with each other because apparently we didn't finish our conversation from earlier," Butters nodded slowly, "but we weren't to the point of arguing where you deemed it appropriate to leave for the night."

"Then why did I leave?!"

"Do you remember anything at all after the bar?" Butters closed his eyes and tried to remember. He just remembered drunk staggering and laughing through the dark streets. Laughter.

Then he was at Stan and Kyle's apartment screaming and crying and unable to talk. He was furious and depressed and they didn't seem to understand why, so they let him puke and sleep on the couch.

"We didn't come back here." Kenny shook his head, "if I went to Kyle and Stan's... you had to have been here. I mean, you're here now. But you weren't then... where did you go? What the hell happened, Kenny?!"

The dark blonde looked as if he had struck a nerve. He was extremely pale and almost trembling as he held his breath, waiting for Butters to put the pieces together that he didn't have.

"We're gonna talk about this later. _We really need to go_," Kenny mumbled, pushing against the small of his back for him to stand up. Butters glowered at him and put more of his weight down; Kenny could still lift him off he so wanted to.

"Kenneth, if you so much as get up before this conversation is done, you are dead." He mumbled something inaudibly in response and the bright blonde glared even darker. "What was that?"

"I said I already was," Butters furrowed his eyebrows and kept his intense stare on Kenny. "And that was too much. _We need to go, come on_."

"No!" Butters screamed this time, and grabbed Kenny's shoulders. "Is that how you feel?! Dead? W-why would you say something like that? I thought you were happy! I thought you-" Kenny laughed sadly and shook his head.

"I am happy, I'm not dead emotionally. This is why we aren't talking about this. You won't under-"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't understand! Don't! I grew up with that idea my entire life! Oh, he's just cute little innocent Butters, he's so naive, just let him keep believing things that aren't real. I'm not fucking cute and I'm not fucking innocent! I don't need that bullshit from you, so just tell me." He shoved Kenny down on the bed, wanting to put some shock into him, but punched the mattress when he just looked calm, as if he had expected all of this.

"You need to get up," Kenny said, "and then I'll tell you."

Butters shook his head. He had to know. He couldn't be left without answers. Kenny was telling him right now.

"NO!" Butters shouted finally, and punched the bed once again. Kenny flinched beneath him but said nothing. "Tell me what the fuck happened!"

Kenny sighed heavily.

"I got hit by a car," he finally said. "Last night we didn't fight. I died." Butters shook his head; if Kenny died he wouldn't be here now. If Kenny died he wouldn't be angry, he would be crying. Except, as Butters touched his face, he realized he was crying. He was crying and he couldn't stop.

"W-what?"

"There, I told you. Now you need to get up. _Come on, get up_!" He shook his head as he looked at Kenny strangely. What the hell was going on? His lips weren't moving. That wasn't his voice. That wasn't-

"Come on dude, get up! You need to be dressed in five and we need to get our asses over to your house to wake Kenny! C'mon!"

Butters startled and covered his mouth as he realized he had been sleeping. His frantic eyes looked around his surroundings; he whimpered as he realized he was back at Kyle and Stan's house. He wasn't home. He was here... and that was all one fucked up dream. But, as Butters shot up from the couch and ran out of the house without a single explanation to Kyle and Stan he couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't a dream after all.

He needed to wake Kenny.


	23. Out in the Open

_Author's Note: Here's something even more different; a continuation *le gasp*. Yeah, that last chapter was meant to be confusing and pretty much the entirety of it was a dream; cliche. But eh, things happen. So it was actually based on memories, what Butters did remember, and what happened before rather than what actually occurred. Butters hadn't been angry, he was left a wreck after Kenny died but didn't exactly remember, which is why he thought they had fought (same general feelings, explains Kenny's absence). So yeah, this should clear things up._

* * *

Butters zipped up the front porch and yanked at the front door. He ran into it when it didn't open, and quickly fumbled with his keys. After two tries the door finally unlocked and he pushed his way through. Their dog barked ferociously from the living room and suddenly he had the sensation of deja vu. Only as he entered the room he realized Kenny wasn't on the couch.

He checked the kitchen, bathroom, dining room, office, and their bedroom. Kenny was nowhere in sight. Tears burned his eyes and he shook his head; Kenny wasn't dead. Kenny couldn't be dead. He couldn't lose him... or live without him. He was the reason he was even alive right now.

Tears burned his eyes as he called Kenny's cell phone. A part of him was both thankful and devastated that he didn't hear his phone ring. He didn't want to walk into a room and find him dead but at the same time he would like to know he was okay.

"Hey Butters," he furrowed his eyebrows as he heard Carol McCormick's tired voice.

"Mrs. McCormick, is Kenny with you?" He asked with a tone of surprise. Butters heard her sigh heavily.

"Yeah, sweetie. He uh... I needed him for somethin'. I'm sorry hon, can you come get him? He's real tired and I don't want him to drive." Butters nodded, although she couldn't see.

"Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Don't rush now, dear. And be careful!"

After an exchange of motherly words, Butters hung up the phone and bolted out of the house. He took off faster than he ever drove, although he didn't necessarily need to. He knew Kenny was okay and alive. It had all just been a messed up dream. He just couldn't shake the awful feeling that it was real.

All he needed to do was see Kenny, feel him, and tell him he was sorry. That the fighting was all his fault and he would do anything to never fight again. He just wanted to hold him and hear his heartbeat, because the worst feeling in the world was uncertainty coupled with loss. Honestly, he felt empty. And it was almost suffocating.

Kyle and Stan could wait. This was much more important to him; they would still make it in time. In fact, everything about this day could go to hell because seeing Kenny and just fixing everything was all he wanted and needed to do.

But he didn't even know what happened last night. Had they fought? Or did something happen? He just didn't know and nothing made sense and it was driving him insane.

Butters found himself entering the South Park limits twenty minutes earlier than usual. He sped passed the stop sign and down the main street to Avenue de los Mexicanos; where most of them had all roamed as kids.

Going back to South Park was something he tried to avoid; there were hardly any good memories on this street. Just a lot of weird happenings.

Butters slowed down when the pavement ran out and his car was met with a dirt road after the train tracks; it wasn't even covered in gravel. He wondered if it ever had been. He stopped his car in front of the old fort that the McCormicks called home, and didn't even think to grab his keys before he sped out of the seat.

He ran up the cinder block steps and knocked impatiently on the door. Stuart answered and waved weakly; he was hungover and probably strung out.

"Hey, Mr. McCormick," talking to him was awkward. Butters wasn't sure if he knew just how close he and Kenny were. He also knew that Stuart's favorite was Kevin and Carol's favorite was Karen. Kenny always said he felt like his father's awkward son who he just didn't know what to do with. They couldn't relate.

Butters couldn't help but wonder what Stuart would think if he knew he and Kenny were engaged.

"Ken's sleepin' in his room," Butters nodded slowly and thanked him as he invited him inside. It smelled like pot and beer. The tin roof was rusted and there was water damage on the living room floor. He forgot how sad this house made him feel. Kenny didn't like to talk about his childhood home life and every time Butters was in this house he understood why.

He was just confused because he thought Kenny came here to help his mom with something. So why was he sleeping?

Butters opened the door to the bedroom that Kenny shared with his sister up until he moved with Butters. There were still a couple of posters with busty women, faded and ripped from age, and a few drawings Kenny had done as a teenager. Karen's side was still made up, with her band posters and her own various drawings.

Carol sat at the edge of Kenny's mattress and turned when she heard the door open. She smiled weakly at him and waved for him to come over.

"He's sleepin', I was just about to wake him up, didn't want you worryin' or anything," she murmured and ran a hand over Kenny's face. He looked peaceful and calm, as if this was the first time he had slept in days. Butters knelt down beside her and tried to shake the terrible feeling running through his veins. This felt surreal. "Sweetie, it's time to wake up." Carol said, brushing his bangs off of his forehead. Without them he looked like a young child again and it melted Butters' heart.

"Kenny," Butters took his hand and bit back the overwhelming relief as he felt his warm skin. "Ken, wake up." He just wanted to see his eyes looking back at him. He wanted to see his smile. He wanted to know everything was all right and it had all just been a dream.

Kenny's eyes opened slowly and they appeared out of focus for a moment. He made a quiet noise as he turned to look at his mom first, and smiled weakly.

"Sorry," he murmured. She just wore a sad smile and brushed a hand through his hair. Kenny's deep blue eyes shifted to Butters and he looked at him in shock for a brief second, then smiled sleepily. "Hey there, Buttercup."

"Hey... uh... you're gonna explain what's going on but we really need to go. Style's wedding is in like... three hours." At that, Kenny shot out of his old mattress and stumbled on numb legs as he bolted for the door.

"Shit! I'm not even... shit, shit..." He scrubbed a hand through his hair and looked to his mom pleadingly. She just lifted her arms, there was nothing she could do and he groaned. Butters furrowed his eyebrows.

"And I want to say I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry for fighting. I'm sorry for making you feel bad and saying those things yesterday, I know I was in the wrong and... I don't even remember what we fought about yesterday... did we fight? I don't know. I don't even know what's going on and I need answers... but I don't want anything to be ruined and I just needed to know you were alive and I don't know what's real or not. I just don't know!"

"Have you really not had this conversation?" Carol asked her son. Butters looked to her strangely and Kenny facepalmed.

"Yes, it's not my fault he forgets." Butters gave him a look this time.

"You knew this would happen going into a rel-"

"I know, I know, ma!" Kenny snapped out of frustration with himself than at her; she knew this. "It's a long story, hon, I just... can I explain it on the way?" Butters looked to Carol before nodding. He was probably more concerned about arriving on time than Kenny was; they didn't have time to sit and talk. "I'll see you and dad there?" He asked his mom, who nodded and pulled him in tightly for a hug. She kissed his cheek and gave a gentle nudge on his back.

"Course, baby. C'mere, you," she said to Butters, who suddenly yearned motherly affection as she held him tight and kissed his cheek.

They were quiet as they walked out of the house. As they approached Butters' car, however, the bright blonde stopped him.

"If you came down here last night to help your mom... where is your car?" Kenny sighed heavily and shook his head. "Kenneth..."

"The more I talk about it and the more I think about it the more often it'll happen," Butters tilted his head, "I figured that out. Every time I explain this to you... you end up forgetting." He was even more confused now, "Lee, I really don't think this is the right time for this conversation."

"I had a dream last night. You were telling me the same thing... how do I know this isn't a dream?" Kenny leaned over and pinched him.

"Did you feel that?" Butters nodded, "you're awake." Butters groaned and opened the door to the driver's seat. Kenny crossed his legs and turned so his body was resting on the door rather than the seat. "What happened in your dream?"

"I woke up at Stan and Kyle's after we got in a fight and we had a couple hours to get ready for the wedding. I went home and you were in the living room, doing that freaky eye open sleep thing you do and then you woke up and told me we really didn't fight but it's what my mind was making me see. That you got hit by a car and you died last night... and then I woke up to Stan telling me to get up... just like in my dream. And now I'm here in South Park and I don't understand why you're here! Did you fly here?!"

Kenny was quiet for awhile as he stared at his hands. Butters allowed him time to think as he drove down the open highway. When he glanced over he saw tears had welled in Kenny's eyes and he was shaking.

"W-what?" Butters stammered in mild surprise. Kenny shook his head and quickly wiped his eyes; Butters hated that he never let himself cry. "Ken, what's wrong?" He held up a finger and the bright blonde rolled his eyes before turning back to the road.

"What if..." he trailed off, then hissed in a breath and jammed the palms of his hands into his eyes, rubbing violently. Butters pulled his left hand away and saw the tinge of red in his eyes. "What if I told you that part of that wasn't a dream? What if I told you I couldn't die?"

The bright blonde blinked for a moment then let out an astonished laugh. Honestly, he knew that was probably the worst thing he could do but he did it anyway. He looked to Kenny, who had gone ashen, and bit back his laughter.

"You're kidding," he managed. Kenny's eyes gave a fierce flash and Butters' teeth sank down on his bottom lip. "What part?"

"The part about me dying... we were all running around and just having fun. I fell off the curb and got hit by a car and woke up in my bed in South Park. That's how it always goes." Butters gave him an odd look and nodded slowly.

"So this happens a lot," he deadpanned.

"At least once a week since I was about two... I'm cursed... by the Cult of Cthulhu. Only another immortal can kill me."

"W-wait, you're an immortal?!" Butters cried; this was getting out of hand.

"Yes!" he exclaimed, "and no one ever remembers me dying! But now you're... you're at least dreaming about it. If there was a way I could show you... I would. W-wait! Stop the car!" Kenny looked at the side of the road, up at a row of trees nearly five miles outside of South Park. He opened the door and ran out.

"Kenny!" Butters shouted after him, then took a shuddered gasp as he tried to comprehend what Kenny had been telling him. He was apparently engaged to an immortal who has died thousands of times and no one ever remembers. That, or he was engaged to a psycho.

Butters chose the former and grabbed his keys before running after him. He followed up the hill that Kenny seemed to fly over, and was embarrassed to be breathless nearly half way up; in his defense it was a really steep hill.

When he reached the crest, he found Kenny walking into the clearing. He turned around and waved Butters forward. As he approached, he saw granite. Butters shook his head.

"No," he blurted, then took a step back. Kenny sighed and grabbed his wrist, then dragged him back to the willow. Butters stared down at the tombstone and shook his head once more. His eyes burned and he rested his head on Kenny's bicep. As he read the epitaph over and over again, tears fell and he trembled in Kenny's arms.

_Kenneth McCormick_

_March 22 -_

_Sleep well little child, the Lord holds thee now._

The day of his death was blank, however, and Kenny knelt down to trace the blank slate.

"Come here," he whispered, Butters whimpered as he put his hand where Kenny's had been. "Feel that?"

He did. Invisible markings.

"W-what..."

"That's a three. When I die there's a date on here. When I come back you can feel the inverted number... when I'm going to die. I've got three days before I die again." Butters squeezed him tight and shook his head.

"NO!" He shouted, and pulled him as close as he could, "if this is true... if you really die and come back... if you're really immortal then... I'm not letting you die. Three days from now, an hour from now... you can't do that to me."

"...you believe me?"

"All I know is I feel empty. I.. I dreamed it, Ken. I... and you're..."

He sobbed as Kenny's arms wrapped around him. He was there, he was alive. His heart beat was constant in his ear. His breath was warm on his neck. He was there... alive.

Kenny dying and losing his memories of it made a lot of sense. For awhile Butters had been experiences black outs and blanks in his memories. He hadn't wanted to worry Kenny with it, but if he was telling the truth about his curse then his worry was now explainable. He just hoped to remember someday... and hoped to never experience losing Kenny again. He didn't want to think about how many times Kenny may have died.

"I love you," Kenny whispered in his ear.

"Don't leave me..." Butters whimpered against him, "don't let me forget... don't die." He lost it as he heard Kenny's quiet sob, and Butters clung to him for what felt like hours. But only a few minutes passed before Kenny pulled away with wet cheeks and sighed shakily.

"We... we really need to go," he whispered. Butters gave a nod and turned around. Kenny looked at him curiously and froze as he bent down to the ground, then stood once more with a handful of not quite bloomed wildflowers.

"For the times I didn't remember..." Butters whispered, setting a few down at the lonely grave. "And for the times I may not be able to save you," he set the rest down except one, "and one for you to come home to, and know I'm always waiting... and always going to love you."

Kenny took the small flower and held it with delicate fingers. Butters enclosed his hand over his and squeezed gently.

"I'm always gonna be the one to wake you, and greet you when you first open your eyes. I believe you, Kenny."

Butters arms were suddenly around Kenny, who rushed into an embrace. And for the first time in his life, Butters presumed, Kenny broke down in his arms.


	24. Wax On, Wax Off

_Author's Note: Between the depressing and the weird and the writer's block, I finally present you a new chapter. It's been awhile, and I apologize. I just haven't exactly been in the right kind of mood for this. But once I started writing for this story again, I realize how much I missed it. The plan is to get caught up on missing chapters, and then write some more. Sad to say, but there is an end to this story. :/ It'll be a good end, I already know exactly what will happen. But that won't be for awhile. _

_Anyway, I just want to say sorry for the lack up updates and thank you for all of your views, favorites, follows, and reviews. It really does mean a lot to me. _

* * *

Butters had found himself in a slump. He couldn't think of any new ideas on how to wake Kenny. He had resorted to the occasional slap in the face, tickling, yelling, and just giving up entirely for a good while. Work was stressful, he was frazzled from rehearsals, and Kenny was usually working double shifts and going to bed at five in the morning once his online homework was finally finished.

He was proud of how they had been during the past few weeks. Things were running fairly smoothly even though they were both on edge and the littlest things would set them off. They weren't exactly arguments but it allowed them the chance to realize they were human. They disagreed and they were different. But they were both working damn hard to make the best life for each other and a good banter was okay every now and then.

And at the end of the night it was Kenny's arms Butters was wrapped in. In the morning, it was Kenny's head on his chest that woke him up. They loved each other; through rain or shine they worked together better than anyone else.

But Butters felt it was time to bring back Kenny's morning torment. Since he had been stuck on ideas, he made sure to ask Bebe, who had been someone who had suggested quite a few of the more violent methods, what to do when they went on their mid-week lunch. Kenny usually took her out for breakfast after they both got off work, so they had their own time to talk as well; between them and Clyde she was spoiled rotten with going out to eat and doing various things around Denver.

He sat down with her at the Mediterranean restaurant they went to on the weekdays rather than the bistro they visited on every other Saturday. He listened to her vent about how her own production company was faring and how she just wanted to join Equinox with Butters. Like he said with Karen, he promised to put in a good word for her. She had studied costume design and makeup; and if she worked for them he would never go to anyone else to do his set makeup. She was the best.

Bebe told him about setting a date with Clyde; they were apparently getting married in August. He didn't understand why they chose the hottest month of the year, but it was her wedding and he would tough it out for her and her happiness.

She then tried to pry into his and Kenny's sex life. Of course, she begged for as many details as she could get. It usually made him laugh and after flashing her puppy dog eyes that she learned to perfect from Kenny, he usually gave in. He knew Kenny and Bebe had a place in their hearts for each other; they were each others' firsts. They had even dated two years in high school, before Clyde asked Bebe back out and Kenny went off the deep end. They didn't like to talk about their end, but remembered the good things. Like the sex, for example. She still liked hearing about the sex; always.

And after he divulged what he would normally keep between the sheets, or the kitchen table, or the shower, or once in their backyard, Butters finally willed up the courage to ask about a new torture method.

"Like, in the bedroom department, or what? I swear to fucking God, one night you just gotta dominate that asshole. I mean, Kenny, not his asshole. Well, both, I guess... but I mean, you gotta make him your bitch, Butters!" The women at the next table over gave Bebe a glare and murmured quietly to themselves. The curly haired woman scoffed and leaned over to give them a full view of the busty cleavage she couldn't completely contain no matter how hard she tried. "Damn, Butters, I could get off to hearing all about your raunchy butt sex," she announced loudly, causing the bright blonde man to blush and busy himself with his meal.

He felt eyes on their table, and hoped they would all turn away. "Seriously? Fucking prudes," she grumbled.

"I didn't mean _sex_, Bebe," Butters hissed through gritted teeth; though now he was trying not to laugh, "but I'll take that into consideration. I meant waking him up torture," she nodded and tilted her head back as she began to think of an idea for Butters.

He liked going out with Bebe because she was loud, hilarious, and really didn't care what people thought. She brought out the worst in him, the good worst, and he liked that. Sometimes they would laugh and joke about the grittiest things and not pay attention to the reactions of the people they walked passed. She was an open book, and between her and Kenny, he managed to open up a little more himself.

"I got it!" Bebe cried, then slammed her fists on the table and kicked in excitement, "does Kenny shave his legs?" Butter raised an eyebrow, "oh, don't tell me those gorgeous legs of yours are all natural. They're smoother and shinier than _mine_."

"I was on the swim team, it's out of _habit_," he defended, blushing as she gave him a calculating look.

"Does he or doesn't he? Answer, boy." Butters rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Perfect. I know he pays quite attention to the goods and if you did what I'm about to tell you to the boys then you would be a sadistic bastard. Kenny would _love_ that." Butters scoffed and narrowed his eyes on her, but knew that, yeah, he probably would.

So he listened to her suggestion and cringed when he thought about applying it in the way she had first mentioned; no, Kenny would not enjoy that at all. But it was a devious idea, nonetheless, so after their lunch, Bebe went with him to the store to buy the supplies he would need.

Friday night rolled along and Butters forced himself to stay awake until Kenny got home and turned in his assignments for the night. By the time his fiance stumbled into bed, it was going on six in the morning and he was more of a zombie than the man he loved. In fact, after brushing his teeth, Butters had to help him to bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out.

Perfect.

Butters pulled down the blanket and silently thanked whatever god would listen for making Kenny the type of person to wear only his boxers, if that, to bed. This would make everything a lot easier.

He grabbed the box from his nightstand and pulled out two strips, then sat on them; as Bebe said it would be a lot faster than putting them each in his hands. As he waited for them to warm up, he watched Kenny sleep; his face was calm rather than the half-dead, borderline stress-induced anxiety look. He also hugged the pillow and rested his head in the way Butters recognized as how he slept on his chest. Butters smiled at that, and ran a hand through Kenny's golden-blonde locks. He sighed at that, and moved his head slightly in response to the gentle touch; it was one of Kenny's favorite touches.

After waiting for what seemed like forever but was really only a few minutes, Butters got on his knees and grabbed the strips from the bed. He then peeled one side open and carefully placed the waxing strip on Kenny's left calf, then repeated it on the right. With only the slightest touch, he smoothed them down and smiled at his handiwork. He then tossed the peeled strips in his drawer, crawled into bed next to Kenny, and placed himself where the pillow had been.

Morning came much too soon for Butters as he opened his eyes. His internal alarm clock went off despite his lack of sleep. He glanced at the clock, which read 10:28, and rubbed his sleepy eyes. Kenny had a tight arm around around his stomach, and his legs had wrapped around his. It was a nice way to wake up, Butters thought with a smile. He made a happy noise as he trailed his fingers through Kenny's hair once more, earning a quiet mumble against his skin before his deep breathing resumed.

It really was a nice way to wake up, much nicer than the way Kenny was about to endure.

Butters slid the pillow back into place and draped Kenny's arm around it. He watched as Kenny squeezed it tight and tried to wrap his legs around it, then failed and stretched them out. Perfect.

The bright blonde stood at the foot of the bed and carefully put his fingers around the edge of the wax strip. He glanced up at Kenny, then back down, and in one swift motion, ripped them both off of his legs.

An alarmed shout filled the room, followed by Kenny jerking into a perfect 90 degree angle as he looked around wildly.

"What the fuck was that?!" He blurted, then reached for his stinging legs. Butters bit back a grin and watched as Kenny caught sight of the two smooth patches on his legs. His eyebrow twitched, and after rubbing the still oily, still sore, spots he glared at Butters. "Where the hell did you get that idea?" Butters smiled innocently and held up the two used strips. "That fucking hurts!"

"I know!" Butters exclaimed, earning a wide eyed expression from Kenny, "and Bebe."

"Damn her..." he grumbled, "my legs are all sticky... what the hell am I gonna do? I can't wear shorts like this."

"No one would really notice, it's not like your legs are that hairy," Kenny gave him a look; everyone would notice two glaringly obvious smooth spots on his legs and Butters knew that. "Or you could shave your legs. Lots of guys are doing it, hell, I do it."

"That's 'cause you were on the swim team," Kenny mumbled, then threw himself back on the bed, "it is bright and the sun is shining and I want it to die." Butters laughed, tossed the strips in the trash can by their bedroom desk, and hopped back in the bed. He caressed Kenny's stomach, causing the muscles to twitch from the gentle touch.

"It's _sweet_ that you really believe that excuse," Butters replied. Kenny turned to him and smirked.

"I'll believe just about anything you tell me right now," he replied sleepily, "but I really don't want to shave my legs."

"Fine, walk around like that. It'll give people something to look other than Bebe's jahoobs whenever we hang out with her." Kenny burst out laughing, and Butters furrowed his eyebrows. "_What_?!"

"Jahoobs? Oh my God, I love you," Kenny chortled with shining eyes as he took Butters' hand in his. "I've heard all the names humanly possible for tits. But jahoobs? That's the one you use?" Butters just smiled and shrugged his shoulders.  
"You've got a bigger problem to focus on, like sticky smooth legs, thanks to moi."

"Yeah, thanks," Kenny grumbled sarcastically, "they still sting... when did you do that?"

"Before I went to bed, they've been sitting for awhile. I'll be surprised if that hair _ever_ grows back," Butters burst out laughing at Kenny's horror-stricken face. "I'm kind of kidding," he offered for sympathy. It didn't help.

"...I'm going to have bald spots on my legs?! What the fuck?!"

"Better than bald spots on your head, dear, I might have to end it with you then."

"Wow, you're the one with the balding trait in your family, but I will still love you. Now I see where your loyalties lie."

"I pull your hair enough, you could go bald from that," Butters teased in response. Kenny poked out his tongue while his fingers danced up Butters' arm.

"Well, you don't yank it out... there's a big difference," Kenny murmured, then made a noise in the back of his throat as Butters' hands rested on his hips.

"Speaking of pulling your hair, Bebe also suggested something." The darker blonde threw his head back and laughed softly; they had been hearing her suggestions since she first found out they were dating. They never got old, either.

"What was it _this_ time?"

"She thinks you need to be put in your place," Kenny raised an eyebrow at Butters and gave him a curious yet amused look.

"Okay, and what does she mean by _that_?" Butters smirked and set his eyes on Kenny, who stared right back.

"She said I should dominate you."

"Well you could," Kenny replied with a lazy smile, "but I guess it wouldn't really be up to me. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable now that you _murdered_ my legs, so sure, why not?"

"You're a big baby," Butters told him, then rolled his eyes as Kenny mocked him by sticking his thumb in his mouth. "I could think of something better you could suck," a surprised laugh came from Kenny, who flashed Butters his baby blues and winked.

"You think, love, but I _know_," he replied coyly, then let out an appreciative huff as Butters dragged him down the bed and straddled him in one fluid motion. "So now what?" Kenny looked up at Butters, who pinned him down by his arms and knew he wouldn't even try moving his hips or legs. Butters' fierce eyes met Kenny's, and he watched as the expression on his face falter as he caught the dark smirk.

"I'm gonna make you my bitch."


	25. Just Keep Swimming

_Author's Note: For me this is one to say, "Finally!" Because we finally see the original mastermind at his work; Mr. Kyle Broflovski... or in this case, Mr. Marsh ;). I've been trying to figure out how I want to get Kyle involved, and this is the start of a beautiful theme, I think. I'm pretty sure I will do one where Kyle just wakes Kenny- so if anyone has any suggestions on really evil ways to wake someone they will be greatly appreciated. Or just any ways! I'm always taking suggestions. But thanks for reading! :)  
_

* * *

"How is he still asleep?" Stan asked, as he approached Butters who sat by the remnants of the campfire from last night. Butters looked at him with bleary eyes, as if to question his sanity, and went back to swirling the cup of black coffee he had slaved over for the past half hour.

"I ask myself that question every day," Butters mumbled in response before he took the last sip of the now cold coffee. Stan laughed and sat by him as he gathered the leftover kindling. Butters stacked a couple of logs on top and covered them with lighter fluid. "Kyle won't be able to wake him," he added, turning to look at the redhead who was pacing as he tried to figure out a plan of attack.  
Stan chuckled and lit the kindling on fire, then sat back with Butters.

"You tell him that and he'll do it just to spite you," the blonde laughed at that, and reached into the cooler for a can of soda. He handed a Coke to Stan, who popped the tab and stared at it.

"It's so hot I'm about ready to pour this on myself."

"Well the ice is now water so I could dump that on you." The raven cocked an eyebrow and gave him a daring look. "Or we can just go to the lake," he offered with an innocent smile.

"Without Kenny? That's like taking... I don't know... his nudie mags or something."

"He's a big boy," Butters replied, "and he need to learn that if he oversleeps like a douche bag then he'll miss out on things."

"...yes, mother," Stan teased, then guzzled half the can of cola in one gulp. As he set it down, Kyle ran over and looked to Butters with pleading eyes.

"No," Butters said, earning a scoff from the curly haired man.

"Come on, I need your help."

"No," Kyle set his green eyes on Stan and gave him a look.

"Dammit," he murmured, then stood up.

"What are you planning on doing to him?" Butters gave in a little, though he wasn't looking to hurt Kenny today; After a month and a half his hair still hadn't grown back and after that Butters had taken it easy on him.

"Sending him afloat," Butters furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "well you two were the weirdos who brought an air mattress rather than a tent-"

"It's bouncy and we can look at the stars, we sleep on it all the time outside," Butters grumbled, earning a smirk from Kyle.  
"Anyway, we can all carry it down the lake, push it in the water, and let him float away. Freak him the fuck out, especially with how squirmy he is."  
Butters looked to Kenny, who looked quite content as he slept, and sighed heavily.

"Fine." Kyle grinned and Stan held back a smirk as he followed his husband to the air mattress. Butters trailed after them and whispered an apology to Kenny before he picked up the bottom edge of the mattress.

Thankfully there weren't many people camping, and there was no one awake yet. They were careful not to move the mattress too much, but Kenny was quite a heavy sleeper. Then again, the slightest creak on the floor would wake him up, so Butters didn't understand how his constant schemes didn't do so either.

"So will this sink?"

"Eventually," Kyle replied, "or we could pull the plug once we get it deep enough, but keep the tab mostly on so it fizzles out slowly."

"You are evil," Stan mumbled, causing the redhead to snicker. Butters just laughed nervously and looked to Kenny, who was now at the mercy of Kyle Broflovski.

"Be glad you learned your lesson," Kyle teased with a smirk. Butters wondered if this would be the turning point for Kenny.

Butters took the blanket and pillows off of the mattress. Kenny curled in a little at that, but remained asleep. Kyle shook his head and gave Butters a look with both sympathy and mirth.

"You were a good man, Kenny McCormick," Stan said jokingly, wiping away a fake tear as they were knee-deep in the murky water, with the air mattress floating.

"May you sail on to better mornings," Kyle followed, then let out a half-laugh, half fake sob as he rested his head on Stan's shoulder. They both erupted into laughter, and pushed Butters forward. "You should send him off and pull the plug," the redhead said.

Butters looked down at his innocently sleeping fiance and sighed heavily.

"I'm so sorry," he said, but was now finding it difficult not to laugh as he pulled the plastic plug. He had a feeling that once Kenny woke up and got over he initial surprise, and possible anger, that he would tell Butters he would be the one to blow the bed back up- and he'd take away the electric air pump.

At that, Butters sighed and gave a gentle push to the air mattress.

"Now we just light it on fire and run," Stan joked, "a proper burial." Kyle snickered against him and splashed the shorter of the two with water. The black-haired man turned around and tackled him beneath the water in response. Their gurgled cries and laughs were heard, and they both surfaced, laughing and coughing as they pushed and shoved each other.

Butters covered his mouth as he stood in the water, waiting for Kenny to wake up. With the sun beating straight down on him, he figured it wouldn't take too long. He was even turning pink from the sun, not that he already wasn't- he would be a lobster for the next two weeks. And at this rate Kenny would be a lobster with him.

But like Kyle had said, Kenny was squirmy. Mostly because he was a restless sleeper on his own, but also because it was difficult to get comfortable on their air mattress because they usually always tried to catapult each other off of it, and in the process let out some of the air.

And Butters watched him wriggle around on it, and Kyle and Stan were poised, waiting for the moment he would wake up. The bright blonde himself was getting hot, sweat had already beaded on his brow, so he dove in the water and swam out to where the air mattress had floated off to. It was in between both sides of the lake, and Butters couldn't believe how far it had drifted between the short amount of time they had waited. He couldn't touch the bottom, and knew they were passed the drop-off; it always scared him to be out this far.

Butters put his hand on the edge of the mattress and gave a tug on it, to bring it closer. But then he had a brilliant idea.

"What are you doing?!" Kyle cried as he closed the plug and swung his legs under it.

"Shh!" Butters put his fingers to his lips and pulled himself up the mattress. He felt it pull upward a little and slid off the edge and into the water once again. He managed to climb all the way onto it on his second try, and he smiled a little at Kenny. He was definitely sunburned; he wondered how badly his skin fared as well.

"Don't wake him!" Stan said, then disappeared under the water as Kyle tackled him again. Butters stood on the mattress with shaky legs, and grinned.

"Oh my God," he heard Kyle splutter from a distance, "do it, dude!"

At Kyle's excited shout, Kenny's eyes fluttered open. He groaned and wiped his brow; his bangs hung in wet clumps and he grimaced in the heat. His eyes slowly shifted around, and his face fell in realization of where he was. He scrambled to sit up and his eyes widened as he caught sight of Butters' legs bent.

"Don't. You-"

"Dare?" Butters asked, then jumped from the mattress. He landed on his bottom, which caused just enough of a bounce to make Kenny try to stay on the mattress, which only caused him to fall off and into the water. Butters looked around and sighed; this was actually pretty cool.

That thought only lasted a second before wet hands grabbed his ankles and yanked him into the lake. He yelped just as he hit the water, and shut his eyes before his head disappeared. He tried not to laugh as he felt those same hands poke and tickle his sides, until they both surfaced.

"You're an asshole," Kenny said, after he spit out some water. Butters just smiled and turned to Stan and Kyle, who were laughing hysterically.

"It was Kyle's idea, he's the real asshole." Kenny nodded slowly and turned to Butters with a slow-growing grin.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He asked quietly. Butters smirked and cupped Kenny's red-splotched cheeks in his hands, then wrapped his legs around his waist.

"Revenge tomorrow?" Kenny nodded and pressed a lake water kiss to Butters' lips, who laughed and squirmed. "You're burned."

"Says the roasted guy next to me. You're gonna be feelin' it for weeks," Butters raised an eyebrow at Kenny and grabbed the mattress.

"Just the way you like it though, right?" Kenny laughed lewdly and winked, before he splashed Butters in the face with the water.


	26. And One Point for Bunny McStotchkick

_Author's Note: Well, this definitely took an interesting turn! I'm hoping you'll agree. I think I figured out a way to get out of this writer's slump I'm in :). I hope you enjoy this chapter. For the record, it's currently a tie between Style Marshlovski and Bunny McStotchkick. If you wanted to know._

* * *

"Are you ready for this?" Butters asked a groggy Kenny, who nodded and rubbed his tired eyes. "This will be so worth it."

"I just want sleep," Kenny mumbled as they approached Stan and Kyle's tent. Butters patted his back and smiled a little as the dark blonde stumbled over something. "Too early for this shit."

"Oh, wah..." Butters teased with a quiet laugh before he unzipped the tent door. "Kyle is a light sleeper so we have to be careful," he mouthed to the twenty two year old, who nodded and held the wake up equipment, much to his dismay.

"We do this quick, and we run," Kenny replied, earning a nod from Butters. "Kyle can kick the shit out of the both of us, and with Stan we'd be fucking screwed."

Butters and Kenny bent down into the tent and crept to the open sleeping bags.

"Perfect," Kenny mouthed with a sleepy grin, "they're naked." Butters rolled his eyes and took the jar from Kenny, who was appreciative to be rid of it.

Butters was overjoyed at the fact that Kenny woke up relatively easy this morning. All it took was a poke on the shoulder, a little bit of a tickle, and a kiss on the cheek. They ended up talking for awhile before they prepared for their potential death, and now here they were.

"They look so peaceful, don't they?" Kenny said with a smile, "all tuckered out from a night of supposedly quiet fucking that they pretended we couldn't hear. So cute."

"Precious, I know, my love," Butters whispered in mock enthusiasm to match Kenny's. "They're in their own blissful moment of post-anal, sleeping contendedly after the throes of passion that consumed their very loins." Kenny backed his head away and raised his eyebrows.

"Nice," he whispered, then gave an impressed nod. The bright blonde laughed silently and looked down at the jar. "Too bad we have to be the bearer of bad things."

"Fuck that, this is fun!" Butters replied, then unscrewed the cap. He quickly tossed it on the foot of the sleeping bag, and watched in a mixture of horror and amusement as grasshoppers, crickets, and a few spiders crawled out of the container. Kenny shuddered and avoided the foot; instead he carefully set the writhing snake inside of the sleeping bag, to squirm downward. "You are learning, Padawan," Butters said with a proud nod. Kenny beamed and scurried back when seeing a spider crawl near him.

"We should go," he said uncomfortably. Butters nodded and took Kenny's hand.

"You are wise, partner in crime."

They both hurried to the unzipped tent door, but froze as they heard a muffled laugh. Kenny's eyes widened and he looked at Butters with a growing imp-like grin, which mirrored the expression on his fiance's face.  
"Mm, Ky stop..."

Butters lost it at that, and quickly burrowed his head in Kenny's back as they scrambled out of the tent. The dark blonde fell on the ground as hysterical laughter overtook him as he heard Stan's obvious protest.

"Not right now."

"Oh my God!" Butters whisper-shouted as tears streamed down his face. His belly hurt from laughing so much, and he quickly picked back up as he watched Kenny's feet kick and heard his now giggles.

"He-" Kenny lost it once more as he heard muffled speaking from inside of the tent, "he fucking... he fucking thinks it's Kyle's morning wood. Oh my fucking _God_..."

As soon as they heard the redhead scream in utmost horror, all mirth ran cold. Butters looked to Kenny with stricken eyes; in a moment they were up and running for the lake, then skidded to a halt and ran for the woods.

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING _KILL_ YOU, STOTCH!"

Even though they were about to die, or it really seemed like it, they couldn't help but laugh. Of course it was a dead giveaway as to where they were, and Butters shrieked as he saw both Kyle and Stan running for them, looking ready to attack.

"What do we do?! I can't face Kyle!" Butters whispered to Kenny, who took his hand and sprinted into the treeline. He was still trying not to break out into laughter at the thought of Stan getting turned on by the snake, and once again he snickered. "Now is not a good time to laugh!"

"It is for me, if I die I come back."

"Yeah, well I don't!" Kenny turned to him momentarily and shrugged.

"You shoulda thought of that before, mister." Butters scoffed and looked around wildly. "Hold on," Kenny said, then turned around. They other couple quickly caught up to them and Kenny stood in front of Butters, who shrank behind him.

Kyle was absolutely fuming, the dark blonde swore smoke was coming off of the ends of his massive curls. In the morning his auburn hair was nothing but fluff and frizz; somehow he managed to wash out all of the product. His glasses were askew and he was in nothing but his boxers.

Stan, on the other hand, look as if he himself had laughed; although he was probably mortified at the thought of being seduced by a snake. Kenny turned to him and smirked.

"So, apparently a garter snake is all you need, huh?" The raven haired man's face darkened immensely, and Kyle let out an almost inhuman growl before he tackled Kenny to the ground.

"Fuck- you- asshole!" he cried as he punched Kenny once, then put his hands around his neck. Butters jumped into action, but noticed Kenny looked bored as he went through the same motions he probably did ever week or so.

"It was my idea!" Butters cried, yanking Kyle off of Kenny, who just took a slow breath rather than heaving gasps. Stan lifted Kyle and held him back. "Besides, you were the ones who put our clothes in the lake two nights ago!"

"That's your fault for sleeping naked," Stan quipped with a grin.

"Says the snake charmer," Kenny, who still sat on the ground, croaked and rubbed at his neck. "Keep a leash on that fucker, will ya?" he then smirked and winked at Kyle, who scowled. "Oh c'mon, Brof-Marsh, lighten up. So we know a little snake is all it takes to get that one riled up... and there were some little critters to wake you up, it's not like you've woken up worse. Remember when Cartman stuck his-"

"STOP!" Kyle cried and covered his ears. He shook his head and sighed heavily, before turning to the couple in front of him.

Butters offered Kenny a hand, and checked his neck, before sending a protective glare to Kyle when seeing his fingers left marks on his skin. The dark blonde man didn't mind so much, he was just enjoying this moment way more than he probably should.

"Fine, I get it... revenge, or whatever..." he said shakily as he tried to calm down. His green eyes set on the Butters, who didn't look afraid of him, just competitive. "But I hope you know this means war. From here on out, it's us vs. you, and you're messing with the mastermind of this whole thing."

"Yeah, but I've got a Kenny," Butters said with a proud smile. Kyle's eyes flashed to the man on his right, who gave a little wave and innocent smile.

"Speaking of the dillhole," he growled, "if you're meaning to imply I have a small dick I'll have you know mine's bigger than Stan's-"

"Hey!" his husband cried, "weak!" Kenny stifled back even more laughter as he looked between the two, then at Butters, and burst out laughing for the third time. The bright blonde tried not to laugh at Kenny's reaction, and just shook his head as he looked at his two best friends.

"-and I _know_ you know how big he is," Butters narrowed his eyes on the redhead; they didn't talk about that. Kenny sent unimpressed eyes to Kyle, who glared right back.

"Good for you, I wasn't implying anything. Seriously, calm down, Kyle. At least it wasn't a bull snake or a fucking tarantula."

"We don't talk about Aragog!" Butters hissed vehemently to Kenny, who gave a violent shudder and shook his head.

"But fine, Kyle... Stan..." Kenny began with a sly grin, "if you're declaring Style Marshlovski war on Bunny McStotchkick then by all means go ahead. It'll be like the Hatfield's and the McCoy's except at the end of the day we'll love each other." he waggled his eyebrows and earned an eyeroll from Kyle, but a wink from Stan. Butters shook his head and let out a chuckle.

"How do you come up with those names?" he whispered, Kenny shrugged.

"I get bored at work. So, is this happening?" he asked, looking between the couple in front of him. They both turned to each other, blinked, and looked back at him; that was weird. He briefly wondered if he and Butters did that.

"You're on, Bunny."

This time, Butters and Kenny beamed at each other and laughed as they latched pinkies. Butters bit his lip, then narrowed his eyes on Kyle, who he knew was going to be his threat.

"Perfect. Your move, Style," he said with a mocking tone and squeezed Kenny's pinky with his.


	27. Great Balls of Fire

_Author's Note: I'm tired, hot, and I'm hoping this will make sense when I re-read it tomorrow. But I'm still posting it now. As of this chapter, the points are Bunny- 1, Style- 1. _

* * *

"You're telling me this is actually legal?" The raven haired man skeptically asked his husband, who wore a smug grin as he opened the door to Kenny and Butters' house. Kyle scoffed and raised an eyebrow as he kicked the door shut.

"They were the ones who gave us a key. And they told us where the spare one is, this is their fault." Stan gave him a look briefly as he looked around the small home that always felt warm- in the emotional sense, at least. Every time he stepped foot in the house he always had the idea to start house hunting; but then he saw how measly his paychecks were. And then he remembered they would be drowning in student loans well into middle age.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Kyle looked down at the contents in their hands and shrugged.

"Details, baby, details."

They paused as they heard movement from upstairs. In a minute, their St. Bernard came running down the stairs on clumsy legs and stared at them before going to the living room.

"He is seriously the worst guard dog ever," Stan mumbled as he climbed up the stairs. Kyle snorted and narrowly avoided the creaky step that would blow their entire mission. "You owe me for this, I could be sleeping right now."

"Fine, we'll discuss payment later," the redhead winked and lifted the object in his left hand

"You know I don't fully believe you when you told me you bought that at the hardware store." Kyle glared for a moment as he looked at the tool in his hand. His lips curved in a slow smile, which caused Stan to feel uneasy as he saw the scarily smug grin on his face. "I knew it."

"No, I seriously bought it there! What, do you think I did some underground dealings or asked Cartman to score me a blow torch?" Stan considered this information, then shrugged; he couldn't exactly put it passed Kyle. It was an option he had, although both seemed to be scraping at the bottom of the barrel in desperation rather than a quick stop to a store that may or may not carry blow torches. There were a lot of things he no longer questioned Kyle about; things were just easier that way.

"So... what is the plan, exactly?" Stan asked as they crept to the bedroom.

"Well, let's hope they're not naked, first..." Kyle whispered, then carefully opened the door. He lifted it a little to avoid a squeak in the hinge. He peered inside and sighed with relief.

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon but it was enough to cast enough light into the room. A thin sheet covered the sleeping couple, who appeared flushed from the heat in the house. Kenny had his arm draped around Butters, who curled into his side and rested against his bare chest.

"They look comfortable, you're really going to ruin that?" Stan whispered softly. Kyle turned to him with a blank expression, then nodded curtly.

"Of course I am, they started this."

"No, you started this when you began the whole "wake up Stan" shit. You know half the time I did it because I knew it annoyed you."

"I know," Kyle growled back, "which is why I sought other options." The raven haired man sighed heavily and turned his attention back to Kenny and Butters. Doing this to them didn't seem quite right; they were completely unsuspecting. And although they now had the prank war against each other, he still didn't feel this was exactly _right_. After all, what they were about to do was a new low for him.

"Are you ready?" Kyle asked him in a soft tone this time. He seemed completely unfazed by what they were about to do. This sadistic side of his husband reminded him of why Kyle and Cartman still talked in the first place; because as different as they were, they somehow understood each other in a way that he and Kyle couldn't. And that kind of scared the shit out of him the more he thought about it.

"Ready as I'll ever be... this isn't right."

"They agreed, actually they were the ones to declare war. We're just ambushing," Kyle whispered his retort as he held up the torch in his right hand, and Kenny's lighter in his left. Stan rolled his eyes and crossed over to Butters' side of the bed, and waited for the say so from Kyle. "Make sure the valve isn't too high," Kyle whispered to Stan, who nodded.

The redhead put the lighter an inch from the blow torch, and held his hands just below Kenny's waist. Stan made a face as he empathized with the pain both Kenny and Butters could potentially endure.

Kyle locked eyes with his husband, who grimaced and waited for Kyle to break contact. At the internal count of "three", Kyle looked away, and to Kenny. A part of him would get a sick satisfaction out of this.

He flicked the lighter, and in an instant a blast of flame burst out of the blow torch. This wouldn't take long, in fact he was surprised Kenny hadn't already woken up.

"W-w-what?!"

Stan shook his head and tossed the lighter on the ground as he heard Butters' terrified yelp of pain and surprise. He turned the valve off, and backed away as Butters flailed in the mess of blankets to get out of bed. His hair was stuck up in every which way, and he looked as if he had just gone to sleep.

Kyle grunted in pain as Kenny slammed his foot into his stomach. The force knocked him back, and he stumbled to regain his footing, before he tripped on a pile of discarded clothes. He landed with a hard smack on the floor, and groaned in pain as Kenny practically flew out of bed and looked around with narrow eyes, as if he was looking for a threat.

"What the hell are you doing here at six in the morning?" Kenny asked groggily; his voice didn't sound as if it should go with the defensive expression on his face. Stan turned to Kyle, who rubbed his tailbone as he stood up. "And why the fuck are you trying to roast my balls?"

"Ken," Butters whined sleepily; he looked about ready to cry. Kyle considered this information; apparently Butters hated being woken up abruptly. That was both ironic and something he would keep in mind for future reference. "The blankets are burned..."

Kenny laughed at that for a moment as he staggered on wobbly legs to Butters; he sent dark glares to both Stan and Kyle.

"The blankets will be fine, Kyle will buy us new ones. Are you okay?" The bright blonde nodded and burrowed his head in Kenny's bare chest. The twenty two year old turned around, with his fiance locked tight in his arms, and glared at his best friends. "You could have burned the bean bags."

Kyle shook his head and Kenny glowered at him.

"The setting wasn't high enough."

"Fuck you," Kenny grumbled, "you know what I meant. What the fuck kind of shit is that, seriously, how did you even get these?" Stan gave a look to Kyle, who rolled his eyes and couldn't help but smile a little.

"You were the one who declared war, we're just fighting fire with... fire." Kenny scowled darkly and rubbed his eyes. He looked like he was two steps from death.

It was Butters who responded this time, however. The bright blonde mumbled something none of them could hear, and Kenny lifted his chin a little.

"Ours is spitfire, not blow torch your best friends' balls fire. Do you realize what monster you just unleashed?" Kyle looked at the blonde with calculating eyes. Stan and Kenny shared the same look; both of them just wanted to go back to bed.

"I'm the one who taught you this in the first place."

Kenny pulled away from Butters and stumbled away; thankfully his movements were ignored.

"Sure, yeah... but you're too rigid. You stick with the basics, I, on the other hand, have a more creative brain." The redhead scoffed as Stan took a few steps back from his husband and yawned. Kenny was already back in bed, with the blankets bundled around him, and he patted the empty side once. Stan grinned, and Kenny winked.

"Bull fucking shit I'm rigid," Kyle barked, "lighting your nuts on fire is probably the farthest from rigid!" Butters shrugged.

"Not really... you're too cold. Kill it with kindness, that's how I work." Kenny scoffed a little at that and turned on his left side, then closed his eyes. He smirked as he felt Stan lay down next to him, and intentionally wriggled backward against his stomach.

"They're both fucking _rigid_..." Stan whispered, causing Kenny to snort quietly.

"There's no way you can beat me at my own game!" Kyle finally said; both he and Butters were enjoying this, he could tell. And he had a bad feeling this would continue until blood was shed.

"Yeah, I will. Because you're the guy who has a schedule and a plan and a set amount of numbers it'll take for Stan to finally not sleep in. I just do it for fun!"

"A bundle of fuckin' joy..." Kenny grumbled so only Stan could hear. The raven-haired man snickered sleepily; he was already starting to drift off to sleep. The bed was comfy and Kenny was warm.

"Okay, yeah, I had a plan but my tactics aren't vanilla." Butters rolled his eyes and smirked a little; the things he could tell Kyle. The curly haired man would probably cringe at some of them, even though he did know quite a lot about their endeavors.

"Oh, right... I'm vanilla. Right, Ken?" Butters turned around, expecting Kenny to be standing next to him, and grimaced. "Dammit."

Both Kyle and Butters looked to the bed and stared with blank expressions. Stan and Kenny had fallen asleep practically spooning. They looked comfortable and warm, and had given up on the fight long ago. They were the real victims in this plot, and they really didn't care.

The redhead turned to the blonde and sighed heavily.

"Truce for the day?" He asked. Butters sighed heavily and crawled into the bed next to Kenny. Immediately he was held by Kenny's strong arms, and he happily snuggled into his chest once more.

"Truce. For twenty four hours," Butters grumbled in deadpan as he closed his eyes.

Kyle got in the bed next to Stan and put his right arm over his hip. He looked at the burn in the blanket, then briefly wondered if he really was rigid. He shrugged; at least he wasn't vanilla. His eye settled on Kenny and Butters for a moment. He then looked to Stan, who seemed quite content as he slept, and heaved an anxious sigh before he closed his eyes. At least he knew he won this round. And going back to sleep didn't count as a forfeit; although he couldn't help but wonder if Butters had a trick up his sleeve.

Butters couldn't help but smile a little as he began to drift off to sleep. This definitely wasn't over yet; he'd show Kyle just how sadistic he could be. They got credit for scaring them both today, but what Kyle didn't realize was he just opened up countless possibilities for Butters. And at that, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.


	28. Kids Do the Darndest Things

_Author's Note: Well, fifteen hours later and this chapter is finished. I edited the last chapter as well- wow, I know not to write when sleep deprived and when taking medication. The last few paragraphs were a mess. Anyway, thanks so much for reading this :), I really, really like this chapter. Probably one of my favorites. I hope you do as well! _

_Now, I'm off to wake up my own permanent roommate for his birthday :). _

_Happy reading! _

* * *

"All you're going to do is walk in there and start whining okay. Get on the bed, jump on the redheaded one, and then hit or kick the black haired one. Then tell them you're hungry and then throw a tantrum."

"And you'll pay me?" Kenny groaned and pulled out his wallet from his pocket. He flashed a fifty dollar bill in the child's face, and the brunette boy smirked.

"I pay you after you do this, that's the deal, Dex," Kenny replied to his nephew, who grumbled under his breath as he followed his uncle into the apartment. Butters smirked at Kenny, who winked at him, then patted Dexter's shoulder.

The five year old sighed heavily and nodded as he walked to the door he was instructed to go to. The mini-Kevin clone looked to Kenny with a sad expression before he silently opened the door and shut it.

"Jesus, he's just like Kevin..." he trailed off, Butters chuckled and took Kenny's hand as they walked to the door.

"I think he's kinda like you, really," the bright blonde murmured. The taller of the two shrugged and yawned into his hand. "He's a pretty good kid."

"Yeah, kind of a handful. But Kev's put the fear into him which is good. Kids are so fucking spoiled these days. He's actually an okay dad from what I've seen. I mean they don't have any weird bruises and they're well fed so... props to him." Butters smiled sadly and squeezed his fiance's hand. "I never knew what to expect from him. But... it's nice to see he's actually a dad rather than a buddy or a slave-driver." Butters nodded and looked up to Kenny, who wore a lost expression.

"I'm glad my parents never had another kid," Butters finally said, "and I'm glad they don't really... talk to me now. I mean I'm not but... if we have kids I don't want them to have terrible grandparents." Kenny scoffed, "I love your family."

"Yeah, ma's pretty great... she can't wait to have more munchkins runnin' around. She said if we adopt we should adopt from Romania or some place like that, 'cause of when we went there when I was younger." Butters nodded and listened quietly to Kenny; it was rare for him to open up about his personal childhood. Usually they just talked about the antics they got into as kids; there was so much about Kenny's family life that he didn't know, that he wouldn't talk about. It frustrated Butters because he was so open about his childhood; sometimes too open.

"Your dad's okay too, kinda quiet. But at least he isn't trying to send us to church or break us up or anything." Kenny nodded with tight lips and let go of Butters' hand.

"Yeah, what's taking him so long? Seriously, what's he doing in there?" Butters sighed heavily as Kenny dismissed the prompt. He opened the door and groaned in annoyance when he saw Dexter rifling through their drawers.

"Uncle Kenny, what's this?" He held up an article of clothing, and Butters couldn't help but snicker.

"_Put that down_!" Kenny whispered gruffly, earning a grunt of annoyance from his impressionable nephew as he set the leather thong back in the bottom drawer. Butters chortled into Kenny's shoulder, who was also trying not to laugh as Dexter slowly shut the drawer. "You're not earning your money!"

"But I'm hungry..." Dexter whined.

"Perfect, tell them... I'll make you strawberry pancakes when we get home."

"With the whipped cream?" Kenny groaned and nodded, earning a squeeze on the side from Butters.

"Fine." The little boy said and hopped onto the bed. He climbed up Kyle's leg and kicked Stan in the head, earning a quiet mumble from the man laying on his stomach.

Kyle turned his head as Dexter jumped on his side, and made a sleepy noise as he situated himself.

"Start. Whining," Kenny ordered, "or no whipped cream."

"Vicious," Butters whispered to him.

"Hey, we buy the good stuff. If he eats the whipped cream then what the hell am I gonna eat _you_ with?" Butters blushed at Kenny's devilish smirk, and fumbled with his hands as he grew incredibly flustered.

"Why're you gonna eat him?" Dexter asked with frightened eyes. Kenny blanched and facepalmed as Butters gawked; that kid must have super sonic hearing, because he barely heard Kenny's whisper.

"Uh... don't worry about it, just... ugh... Kyyyyyyyle wake uuuuuup," Kenny whined like a child, in hopes to show his nephew what he should be doing rather than listening to him begin to seduce Butters, who seemed more than willing to listen.

The redhead groaned at the high whine and ran a hand through his tousled curls.

"Kyle," Dexter tried uncomfortably, earning a nod from Kenny and Butters, "I'm huuuuuuungry."

"Hmm?"

"MAKE ME FOOD!" He yelled and started flailing around on the bed, hitting and kicking both Stan and Kyle as he wriggled around spastically. He started to sob, or fake sob, Kenny realized with a grin, which caused the two in the bed to wake up in surprise as they heard the child.

"What... who...?" Kyle trailed off as Dexter kicked his feet on the bed and continued whining incoherently. He yelped as the boy bit his shin, and pulled his leg back, "Dude, Stan... there's a..." Kyle trailed off; his eyes narrowed as he recognized the boy.

"Dexter...?" Stan asked groggily, "what the fuck is going on?" The little boy laughed as he heard the word, and Kyle cast the raven haired man a dark look in silent scolding. He looked to the corner of the room, and his glower deepened.

"Now that you're married..." Butters trailed off with a smug grin.

"This is what you'll be dealing with the rest of your life," Kenny finished with a matching smile. Kyle's face fell, and he covered his ears as Dexter started screaming, as if it had been on cue. Both Kenny and Butters watched in admiration as he continued his childish fit and begged Kyle and Stan to feed him. "You heard the boy, he's hungry."

"You fucking asshole..." Kyle trailed off angrily, "fine... fine... what do you want?"

"Strawberry pancakes." Butters beamed and high-fived Kenny from behind their backs.

"Okay... you can have pancakes but we don't have strawberries."

"I WANT STRAWBERRY PANCAKES!" Dexter roared with a voice that reminded Kenny of his brother when he was younger; he was always quite loud. It was probably why he was so quiet. Then again, Kevin couldn't necessarily be blamed; he was partially deaf in his right ear, after all.

"Okay, f-fine... Stan, go to the store and get some pancakes."

"And whipped cream," Dexter demanded as he glared with sharp eyes at Stan, who dropped his jaw.

"Me?! What the hell?!"

"Stanley Randal, go now," Kyle warned with a glazed and tired look in his eyes. Stan groaned and grumbled under his breath as he rolled out of bed and put on the shirt he wore the night before. As he walked to the bedroom door, he glared at the two blonde imps who smiled innocently at him.

"I seriously hate you guys right now." Butters raised an eyebrow and let out a chuckle.

"Good to know, Cartman." The black-haired man let out a gasp of horror and clenched his jaw before he slammed the door.

"I want pancakes nooooooow," Dexter whined. Kenny nodded to the door and Butters nodded, quickly escaping the room as Kyle huffed and got out of bed, away from Dexter's violent flailing. He was already getting bruises on his legs.

"You're gonna have to wait, Jesus..."

"BUT I WANT THEM NOW!"

"Oh my _God_!" Kyle exclaimed in aggravation; he was about ready to tear out his hair as he walked out of the bedroom with Dexter trailing behind him happily, like a puppy. The redhead glared at Butters and Kenny, who sat on the sofa talking, and stomped to the kitchen. Someone pounded on the floor from below, and Kyle growled. "SHUT UP!" He yelled to the floor, earning one last thump.

"Well, _someone's_ not a morning person," Butters observed with a laugh as Dexter began to chatter away as he sat on the counter. Kenny snorted and watched as Kyle furiously gathered the ingredients for homemade pancakes. He dropped an egg and cursed quietly as he grabbed the carton again.

"And you thought I was bad?" Kenny teased, earning a playful shove on his chest. "About that whipped cream..." Butters scoffed and leaned over to Kenny, who hummed as Butters slightly straddled him.

"You know you don't need whipped cream for that," Butters purred, digging his nails in Kenny's knees. The dark blonde smirked and shrugged.

"But Reddi-wip is so much fun," the shorter of the two giggled a little and nodded.

"Remember when the can malfunctioned and whipped cream went in your eyes?" Kenny raised an eyebrow.

"That's not what that was and you know it, the _malfunction_, I mean," Kenny mumbled, "that was supposed to happen." Butters laughed a little lewdly and captured Kenny's lips in a kiss.

"You are so nasty," he finally said, earning a wink and a poked out tongue in response.

"Course I am, that's the way you love me." Butters nodded and pressed down against Kenny, who hissed an intake of breath. "We really can't do this here, not with Dex in the other room..."

"Well we could always go to their room," Butters suggested, earning a scoff.

"Yeah, and I'll put on Stan's leather assless thong. No thanks."

"Mmm... that'd be pretty hot, actually."

"Not if Stan wore it!" Butters shrugged.

"You don't freak out when you wear _my_ underwear."

"That's 'cause you're you and he's Stan and... no. He gets Kyle all hot and bothered in those. I may have touched their junk before but no. No way am I putting my boys in another dude's lingerie."

"Well, it could make _me_ all hot and bothered," Kenny shuddered, and Butters grinned, "oh my God, you _do_ have boundaries!" The darker blonde scoffed at that, and he shook his head. "No, you do. You really do... you're a clean freak."

"So?"

"So... just, follow me here. Would you be able to have sex with me in our shower?" Kenny nodded, "what about Kyle and Stan's?" He grudgingly shook his head with a slight glare. "This is adorable."

"Shut up, they've had sex there and I'm not gonna come where I'd be able to see their jizz with a blacklight. Fuckin' nasty."

"I wonder what our room would look like under a blacklight..."

"I think our ceiling would even be stained, I don't fucking know. Where haven't we done it?" Butters shrugged at that, and squirmed as Kenny pulled him on his lap. "Now, about that whipped cream..."

"You know..." the twenty-two year old began, "I bet Stan and Kyle did it on here too." At that, Kenny pushed him off of him and sat up. "You're kidding. I was joking. C'mon, Ken... Kyle's too much of a prude to do it out here."

"Nah," the door opened and Stan appeared with a grocery bag in his hand, "we do it on the coffee table, couch is clean."

"But it's glass..." Butters trailed off as he looked at the table. Kenny shuddered and curled back up on the couch. Stan nodded with sleepy eyes and smirked.

"Kinda the point, especially if you put a camera on the floor and one on the entertainment center and-"

"_STANLEY_!" The black-haired man winked and began mumbling apologies to an already angered Kyle as he walked into the kitchen.

"-and then my sister stuck the sucker in my hair and started crying when she couldn't get it out. It hurt a lot and my hair was all gross but my dad finally got it out. But we had to use peanut butter to get gum outta my hair once. Peanut butter is gross though, especially the crunchy kind. Do you like peanuts? I don't. But I do like jelly. Jelly on toast is so good but my dad says jam is better. But I thought jam had fruit pieces in it but it really doesn't. I think that stuff is-"

"Kid, you need to shut up."

"Shut up's a bad word."

"No it's not, shut the fuck up is though," Kyle grumbled. Butters snickered and crawled on top of Kenny again, who laughed silently as he ran his hands down Butters' back.

"Ugh, don't tempt me," Kenny mumbled, Butters just smiled and grabbed his hands as he kissed him.

"I'm glad you're up with me, see... it isn't so bad." Kenny shrugged and raised his hips a little, causing Butters to moan softly.

"I guess..." Kenny trailed off, smiling as Butters threaded his hands in his hair. "Leopold Stotch, do you realize what kind of trouble you'll be in when we get home?"

"Good. I'm glad I've been naughty." The dark blonde laughed and put his hand on Butters' curvy backside. "You gonna punish me?"

"Damn fucking right I am," Butters shivered as Kenny's fingers trailed down inside of his jeans and squeezed his right cheek. The skin was soft, and Butters flushed as he thought of what else he wanted Kenny to do.

"R-remember, you gotta pay Dexter," Kenny glared at him and pulled his hand out of his pants.

"Mood _ruined_," he declared and threw his head back on the armrest.

"And we can adopt from Romania, I don't mind... but it'd be kind of cool to do surrogacy too." Kenny shrugged and nodded a little. He looked up at Butters with half-glazed eyes, and lazily ran his fingers through his soft hair. Butters leaned into the touch and rested his head on Kenny's chest. "Do you think your dad likes me?"

"My dad doesn't even like my mom. If he seems like a dick it's 'cause he is one. But I'm sure he thinks you're fine, he just doesn't like the fact that his son is a queer." Butters rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"I'm sure he means well, I mean... I think he does care about you and your family. Maybe not me, but he's never been rude to me so..." he liked him better than his own father, and all Stuart McCormick ever did was say "hello", or just gave a drunken nod of acknowledgment.

"Right, yeah. I'm sure he meant well whenever he-" Kenny stopped himself and sighed as he sat up. Butters fell slightly, and grimaced as Kenny pushed away from him, "you're right. I'm gonna pay Dexter before I forget."

"Kenny, wait..." Butters trailed off feebly as he disappeared in the kitchen. He stared at his hands for a moment before he himself stood up. They may have gotten Kyle and Stan back, and sure they put fuel on the flame, but the bright blonde couldn't help but feel there was a huge personal loss between him and Kenny.

He sighed heavily and whispered an, "I'm sorry," before he walked into the kitchen.


	29. Fellatio-the Most Sincere Form of Ownage

_Author's Note: Well hello. It's been awhile. I've been really busy. My boyfriend got in a car accident in a storm, I finished the SPBB, have been working crazy hours, and actually... well I got engaged. I think. I mean I did, but it's like... this is the same as before. Anywho, so I've been pretty busy. But I hope to be back in action with this story- like I said I do have an ending for this, and actually it's kind of fast approaching. Huh. It's kind of weird! But like I've said before if anyone ever has any suggestions, go for it. I love to hear them- and thanks so much for all of your kind words and favorites and such :). _

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Never in their young, bright lives did they imagine being witness to this scene.

It was cringe-worthy. Absolutely revolting. The lowest of the low. And yet they both had deemed this completely appropriate to do; mostly in revenge on Kyle. Stan didn't really seem to care, so both Kenny and Butters decided they would let him have it easier. But it wasn't just Kyle and Stan that were involved, and it took a lot of convincing and some things both of them were ashamed to even think about doing for it to actually happen. But they were both so unbelievably happy with the results.

Because Kyle was finally aware of who he was messing with. He now knew that they knew how to use their resources, and weren't afraid to scrape the bottom of the barrel and dredge up one Eric T. Cartman.

"We're seriously doing this?" Cartman asked. It had been awhile since they had all seen him. He was still overweight, yes, but they all knew living with Wendy would seriously change his lifestyle. He had dropped some weight, but they realized although he still was round and flabby, it was beginning to turn into muscle rather than fat.

But Kenny knew all about him sneaking out for burgers or KFC. He kept quiet about it, just like Cartman had done for Kenny long ago.

"Yes," the dark blonde responded and looked to Butters, who just looked overjoyed at having his two first best friends in the same room again. "Come on, you said you would. And you always wanted this to happen. He won't realize it's you- he'll think it's Stan, that'll make him even more eager."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Cartman grumbled and looked thoroughly disgusted.

"Oh, so now he's gay and your eight year old wishes are moot?" Butters couldn't help but say. Cartman glared at him; he didn't like that Butters had started to stick up for himself and say his opinion. Actually he did like it, because other than having someone to manipulate and do all of the nasty things his friends wouldn't because they were aware of the moral injustice behind it, he kind of rooted for the underdog. He was constantly made fun of for being fat and he hated it, so he was strong. When he knew Butters was made fun of just by being... well... him, he wanted to show him in the worst way possible how to be strong.

With the help of Kenny, who had a different air of confidence in his looks but his own kind of torment, lack of expectations, and pity from being the poor kid, Butters learned that he was worth something. And his strongest trait was that he was so nice; he saw the good in everyone. He still did; even when his parents abandoned him. It amazed Cartman, although he would never say it, and he was actually supportive of Kenny and Butters rather than Stan and Kyle- that was too cliche.

But seeing Butters mouth off to him and seem very confident was both a proud moment and one where he wanted to punch him in the jaw. It was nice to know he and Kenny didn't royally screw up and turn him into a heartless monster like he knew they were both capable of doing; just ask Professor Chaos.

"Fine, fine, this is sick..."

"Think of this as dominance," Kenny mumbled, with a smirk to Butters, who bit his knuckles. Cartman rolled his eyes and sneered at them before he opened the door to Kyle and Stan's room.

"And you just have to do it 'til he wakes up," Butters whispered as Cartman approached the bed.

They all stared at the couple. Both were passed out; Stan looked as if he was having a bad dream, and he clutched Kyle's arm. Kyle had an arm around the raven's back and his curly hair clung to his forehead as he sweated in his sleep.

Kenny and Butters both watched Cartman, who stared the auburn-haired man with surprise.

"Guys, this is actually happening," he whispered. Butters sent a grin to Kenny, who bit back his own smile.

"Told you," Butters mouthed, earning a hair ruffle. He tightened his arm around Kenny and averted his eyes when Cartman pulled down his pants.

"I'm finally getting Kyle to suck my balls. The real Kyle."

"Uh-huh," Kenny said in amusement.

He was proud of Butters for thinking of this. Of course, it was mildly terrifying because this was lower than pond scum, and he wondered what Butters could potentially drag up for him to endure, but for now this was brilliant. That was something for Future Kenny to worry about; for now he could applaud his brilliant work and watch in absolute enjoyment as Kyle would freak out and potentially beat up Cartman. As long as they avoided his fiery fury then they would be enjoying this far more than they thought was possible.

"Look at the fucking Jew, it's like he's asking for it."

Butters rolled his eyes and gave a look to Kenny, who bit back a snicker.

"Just do it, Cartman," he mumbled, earning a huff and the wave of his hands.

"I am, I am, give me a moment." Butters turned to Kenny and gave a disgusted look.

"I hear _noises_," he whined, burrowing his head in his chest. The taller of the two patted his back.

"Seriously, fatass, hurry up," Kenny grumbled, threading his fingers through Butters' soft hair. Cartman looked back at him and flipped him off.

"You can't rush perfection!"

"Why, 'cause you'll come before he even touches 'em?"

"Ey!" Kenny and Cartman both clammed up when Kyle mumbled in his sleep and stirred when hearing Cartman's uproar. Stan opened an eye and blinked in confusion when he saw Kenny and Butters. Both blondes froze as his hazel eyes slid over to Kyle, and widened when he saw Cartman's naked form hovering above his husband.

He covered his mouth and scrambled out of bed, completely speechless. Butters and Kenny looked to each other, in hopes that the other would come up with an excuse to stem off his sometimes violent anger. Except, he stood back with them, and crossed his arms over his stomach.

"I gotta see this." Butters' jaw dropped at Stan's admission, and Kenny couldn't help but let out an astonished guffaw. They looked to him as if he had lost his mind, and he chuckled. "Seriously, do you not remember how many times we heard this argument? Kyle's gonna do it, and he's gonna be pissed about it. But Cartman will finally get his childhood wish." Kenny considered those words, and grimaced.

"So it's like... our childhood is over." Three pairs of eyes turned to him, and he bit his lip, "once Cartman does this... the last thing that let us be kids is like... gone. And then we're adults, and we're gonna get old and fat and grey and then die." Butters gave Kenny a look and held his hands.

"We can't be kids forever," the bright blonde finally said, "and what perfect way to step into the shoes of the real world than by having Kyle suck Eric's balls?" Stan smiled a little but Kenny's words struck a chord in him. Of course, that moment would be forgotten when Kyle would chase Cartman through the house and beat the royal living shit out of him. But at the end of the night they would think about it. They weren't kids anymore. Soon they'd be parents, or as old as their parents; would they be as stupid as them?

As they looked at Cartman, who pressed himself just against Kyle's lips and raised a triumphant fist in the air, Stan's question was answered.

Yes. Yes they would be as stupid as them. If not more-so. And that scared the living shit out of him.

But he looked to Kenny and Butters, who were laughing so hard they had tears streaming down their faces and held each other tightly to stay standing. At least they would be stupid together. And they would be able to at least stop each other from gambling their money away, throwing your family away for a mid-life crisis, becoming alcoholic drug dealers, grounding their children for no apparent reason, or for abandoning their children.

"Yes, suck my beautiful balls, you greedy little Jew." Stan made a face and shook his head as Butters suddenly grew a little ashen-faced. Kenny was still laughing though, and the other two couldn't help but giggle with his contagious laughter. Butters was right- in order to say goodnight to their childhood and fully step into adult-hood, having Cartman get his way was perfect.

"Mmph mmm mmph?!" Kenny snickered as he understood Kyle's declaration of surprise. Cartman screamed in pain, and fell on the ground, clutching his boys, and the redhead stood straight up. He bolted out of the room with his hand over his mouth, and Stan's eyes widened as he heard his retching from the bathroom.

"Holy shit, dude," he gasped, "he actually ralphed!" Butters watched as Cartman writhed on the floor with his legs curled to his chest; he was impressed he could actually do that.

"Eric, are you okay?" Kenny asked, as if he read Butters' mind.

"He-" Cartman gasped with a teary voice, "he _bit_ me!"

The three witnesses roared with laughter at that, and Kenny discreetly handed Butters' a twenty dollar bill.

Kyle sluggishly walked into the room looking sick and furious at the three of them.

"Good morning, honey," Stan offered meekly, earning a snarl and a death glare as Kyle kicked Cartman before walking over to them. The lump on the groaned moaned woefully and they all backed up as Kyle approached.

"You sick... fucking... freaks," Kyle growled as he looked at Butters and Kenny, who wore angelic smiles and bright innocent eyes. "Don't give me that fucking shit, you... that was... I can't believe you. I'm so angry I can't even speak."

"That's a first," Cartman said with a muffled voice from the floor. Kyle whipped his head around.

"I have never felt so violated. You... I can't believe you did that."

"Oh, come _on_, Ky," Stan finally said, giving him a blank look, "how is this any different than the time you put a stretched and lotion-filled condom next to Cartman's asshole? He was terrified and you said it was because he was ignorant."

"Damn fucking right I was!"

"He _is_ ignorant!" Butters rolled his eyes and took Kenny's hand in his.

"We're not sorry, if that's what you're after," Cartman even popped up from behind the bed when he heard Butters' snappy tone. Kyle looked at him as if he had just been slapped. "You lit fire to our junk. And _yesterday_ you set mouse traps around our entire room and played the sound of a machine gun firing off of our surround sound because you _know_ Kenny is sound sensitive." Kenny shuffled his feet and looked down at that. It was self-explanatory as to why, except they didn't ever remember. So he didn't like it being brought up. "So if you think us asking Cartman to finally get you to suck his balls is a violation, then talk to the welts we both have from the mouse traps. Or our burned bed and clothes. Besides, you guys did this to me at that party in sophomore year. Did I complain? No, I laughed because you all laughed. Because if I said I felt _violated_ you would've called me a melvin."

"Butters," Kyle began, looking defeated, "I-"

"No," Butters shook his head, "I don't think I want to do this anymore. I forfeit. You win." Stan looked between the blonde, who looked ready to cry and scream, and the redhead, who was paler than a ghost.

"Butters, wait!" the auburn-haired man started as he watched the bright blonde exit the room. Kenny cast him a look before he went after Butters, leaving Stan and Cartman to wonder what the hell just happened.

"Well," the brunette said in total surprise, "I think _that_ was the end of our childhood." Stan gave a solemn nod to his old friend and turned to Kyle, who was both fuming and miserable.

"Are you okay?" Stan asked, Kyle shook his head.

"No, now I feel like shit because he's right. I forgot about sophomore year, I feel like a fucking hypocrite."

"We're all hypocrites," Stan assured, "we all do shit we criticize. And you gotta admit, that was a genius idea on his part." Kyle sighed and smiled a little as he sent Cartman a look.

"I suppose."

"YES!" The overweight and stocky man on the floor yelled, "he consents! I _WIN_!" Kyle rolled his eyes and smiled affectionately before he squeezed Stan's hand.

"I'm gonna go talk to Butters, he-"

"Kinny's with him," Cartman said; he wanted Butters to have a moment to vent and calm down because _damn_ he was a little proud of his outburst. And he was pretty sure Kenny had it covered. After all, he was the one Cartman himself went to when he was furious.

But Kyle ignored him and walked out of the bedroom and to the front door. He made his way down the steps and found Butters and Kenny standing outside of the complex. Butters had a rare cigarette between his fingers and Kenny was sitting on the ledge as he looked to Butters, who was running his mouth with a fury that Kyle had never seen.

"-thinks that's what violation is then he's sorely fucking mistaken! I can't believe he would say something like that, as if this has never been a possibility! He agreed to sucking his fucking balls. He even had a fucking dream about being with Cartman, it's not like it's never crossed hid god-damn holier than thou mind!"

"Lee, c'mon, he doesn't know about that."

"And why not?! 'Cause he'd turn it around as if it was a learning experience! Yeah, like being raped by your God-damn uncle and not talking about it to anyone is a real fucking learning experience. Learn for next time. Don't be so afraid to tell someone- right, because he had controlling parents who... who would've said it was my God damn fault?! Talk about fucking _violation_!"

"Baby, I-"

"Don't _baby_ me, I'm fucking pissed! I'm not a BABY!" Butters shouted, "I'm sorry, I didn't know a harmless prank was a breach of trust. As if burning my fucking nuts wasn't a breach of trust."

Kenny's eyes settled on Kyle, who suddenly couldn't breathe. What the hell did he just walk in on? And how the hell did Kenny know he was there?

"I know you're not a baby, you're the strongest person I know. Listen, I don't know if this is the best time to talk about this. I just think-"

"I don't fucking care..." Butters sobbed now, "I'm fucking _hurt_. I wouldn't have done that if I realized Kyle really didn't consent. This is my fault, I-" Kenny shook his head and brushed his hair back.

"No, no it isn't. Don't do this, it was just a prank. It was hilarious. And Kyle doesn't know about your uncle, Kyle just... he can be a bitch sometimes." He glanced to the complex and saw the redhead had disappeared. "But you are not in the wrong, okay? You have every right to be angry and hurt. Besides, Cartman has waited fourteen years for that."

"But we were kids, it was a stupid idea because-" Kenny shook his head. "I... I was just a kid. We didn't understand... Kenny, I didn't understand it was wrong. I thought he loved me very much, and... and that's why he did that. I thought-"

"Leopold, you were seven. You couldn't have made a choice. But wanna know something?"

"H-hmm?"

"I love you. Very much. And I'm not going to let anything like that happen to you again. You're safe, okay? You're safe right here." Butters shook as Kenny wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. Kenny breathed in his scent and pressed a kiss to his temple. "This thing... with Stan and Kyle, it's gonna tear us apart." Butters nodded, "you and Kyle are like... brothers. I just think that you're right. We have to stop this. Okay?" Butters nodded against him.

"Before we... we go back up... can you..." he trailed off quietly, sounding like a little kid. It always broke Kenny's heart when he looked at him and sounded the way he did when he cried. "Can you just... hold me?" The dark blonde man nodded and hummed as he lifted Butters in his lap and cradled him protectively.


	30. Mouse Traps and Ex-Lax Go Hand in Hand

_Author's Note: Okay, so I published yesterday's first on purpose. I don't have a good reason, because this one takes place the day before yesterday's chapter. But I wrote that one first and wanted at least one published for the weekend. I've got a lot going on on Saturday and Sunday and I wanted to get these chapters out because I've needed to update for awhile. Anywho, thanks so much for reading and reviewing- I reached 69 reviews and have never been happier about something like that. Immature, I know but hey I'm writing a South Park fanfiction, what can you expect?! :D_

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"This is evil," Stan whispered as he watched Kyle set what appeared to be the last of hundreds of mouse traps.

The redhead looked up to him and smiled a little before he shrugged and set the trap on the counter.

"How much did this cost?"

"Not as much as you'd think. I saw this online, anyway, it's not going to kill them." Stan scoffed and looked at the counter and table that was completely covered with dozens of mouse traps. It terrified him, and he had no idea how Kyle could not feel one bit of mercy as he gleefully looked at his sadistic masterpiece.

Of course, as always, when Butters' and Kenny's dog Ursa saw them he wagged his tail and lay back down in the living room. Stan figured if he just barked once then Kenny and Butters would be saved from this potential torture Kyle was about to put them through. But of course, an animal in their possession would be super friendly and nice. That was his luck; he actually wanted to save his friends from this.

That being said, he wasn't so desperate to stop Kyle to actually wake them up. That was kind of cheating, and he should have been rooting for his husband. Details. He thought it was enough to have concern for their wellbeing.

"Help me with these," Kyle lifted two mouse traps and carefully walked up the stairs and to their bedroom. He used his teeth to turn the doorknob, and his side to push it open. With his foot, he kicked a discarded shirt to prop the door open, and set the two traps where Kenny's feet would step. Stan grudgingly followed suit, and after countless trips up the stairs, and meticulous placing of the mouse traps, they both couldn't help but feel a little proud of their handiwork.

"Ky?" Stan asked as they stood outside of the door. The auburn-haired man turned to him and tilted his head slightly. "Now that we've done this, we can't go in there and wake them up." Kyle beamed at that, and Stan felt his stomach drop in worry. "Oh boy," was all he could say as Kyle led him down the stairs one last time.

"We'll have fifteen seconds to run up there and record this."

"Kyle, we're not filming them dying," he received a look at that, and Stan sighed, "that's just evil." Kyle shrugged and patted his leg for Ursa to follow him. The St. Bernard bounded after him as he was taken to the kitchen door and let out into the fenced in backyard.

This wasn't going to be good. This involved noise; why else would Kyle let their dog outside? He knew from having Sparky, who was terrified of thunderstorms, that dogs hated loud noises.

Kyle returned to the living room and pulled out his iPhone. He grabbed the audio jack plugged in their stereo and turned the volume up all the way. Stan shook his head and Kyle grinned before he ran up the stairs. Shaking his head, the raven-haired man followed him and bit his lip in nervousness. This could be bad, very bad.

They poked their heads into the doorway from either side, and Kyle hurried to turn on the point-and-shoot camera he had stowed in his pocket. The red light shined into their room, and Stan shook his head as he watched the two sleep innocently in one blissful, peaceful moment.

And then he nearly pissed his pants in his own terror.

Loud, thunderous gunshots sounded from downstairs and shook the house. It was very similar to his favorite machine gun when he played Call of Duty: Ghosts. He clutched his own heart and bit down hard on his lip when he watched Butters yelp and sit up in the bed, looking around wildly with tears in his eyes.

By now he had covered his ears, and he watched Butters curl up in a ball and do the same. He watched him scream Kenny's name, and then get up to run to his fiance's side. He fell, however, and landed on the traps set on his side of the bed.

Kenny had woken with a start, and Stan couldn't help but stare in surprise when his body convulsed in time with the shots. That was weird. With a shaking arm, he reached into his nightstand, and in a blink of an eye he pulled out a pistol and jumped from the bed.

Stan turned to Kyle, who was still filming and watching with an air of proud satisfaction as Kenny stumbled and cried out as his feet got snapped by the mouse traps. Butters was now back on the bed, covered in little welts all over his arms and probably the rest of his body. Kenny managed to take two steps between the tiny cracks barely big enough for a toe to step, and took a leap to the door. His foot slid as he landed, however, and he swore under his breath as he lost his balance and fell on his bottom.

By now the machine gun sounds had stopped and Stan pulled his hands from his ears. Butters was rubbing his arms and feet, and Kenny righted himself. He simply wore a grimace and he caught eyes with Stan.

Realizing it was simply a prank, Kenny put the safety on the gun and set it on the dresser next to him. He pushed the traps away with his feet, not saying a word, and cleared a small space for Butters to walk through. Every so often, a trap would snap and he'd wince as it clamped onto his skin. Stan felt like he was staying quiet to show Kyle it didn't faze him.

Butters limped forward and walked out of the bedroom first. Kenny followed, still trembling, and rubbed his eyes as he stood in the doorway.

"Are you guys okay?" Stan asked, Butters glared at him for a moment, then shrugged and nodded.

"It just stings," Butters mumbled in a meek voice. "It was the noise that was the scariest." Stan glanced to Kenny, who had his eyes closed as he leaned against the wall.

"You proud, Kyle?" Stan questioned his husband, who was biting back a grin. He was proud of himself, yeah. As devious and mean as it was, Butters had declared this fight and he was willing to bare tooth and nail to win this thing. It was stupid, but it was fun. Yeah, it was scary, yeah it was mean, but that was the aim of the game. And Butters was the one to bring this upon them all.

"You gotta admit mouse traps was a pretty good idea," Butters just gave him a look and shrugged, before he rubbed Kenny's arm. The taller man pulled away and coughed in his sleeve.

"Yeah," Kenny finally said with a small laugh, "props to you, dude." He kept his eyes low and then turned to Butters before mumbling, "I'm gonna have a smoke."

They didn't watch him as he disappeared down the stairs. Butters wrapped his arms around himself and smiled a little at both of them.

"Okay, so we're up... and I guess that was pretty good. My heart's still racing." Kyle laughed, but Stan furrowed his eyebrows. Butters and Kenny were too cool with this. He peered at the barely shorter than him blonde, and searched for his true feelings, but just saw his smiling eyes and happy face looking between his best friends. "We were gonna have French toast for breakfast, d'you guys wanna stay? Ken sure makes the best breakfast. His French toast is like... an orgasm in your mouth." Both Kyle and Stan chuckled as Butters continued to rave about Kenny's cooking. "And we got a new coffee maker, the best homemade coffee I've ever had."

Stan and Kyle looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Sure," Kyle said and smiled affectionately at his dear friend, who just smiled back at him. He knew they had an understanding; this was just a game. They weren't deliberately trying to hurt one another. After the initial fright, everything was back to normal.

"Maybe we can play that new Halo game or something too," Stan suggested; he had brought it over, knowing Kenny wanted to play it just as bad as he did. Butters nodded brightly and grinned as he ran to the stairs.

"Sure!" He stopped when he saw Kyle and Stan following, and shook his head.

"Huh?" Stan asked, the bright blonde smirked at them.

"The rules in this house are- whoever wakes the other as to clean up the mess they make. Whether it's food, random items, or blood. Have fun with those mousetraps!"

Kyle and Stan gawked at each other and shook their heads as Butters scrambled down the stairs. He pulled out the ingredients Kenny would need for French toast, then, ran out to the backyard, where Kenny sat on the deck with a half smoked cigarette between his lips.

"Style is cleaning up the traps," Kenny nodded, and Butters sat next to him, "you okay, darlin'?" the darker blonde turned to him and smiled a little before he nodded.

"I just don't like loud noises. It reminds me of..."

"I know," Kenny looked up at him and relaxed as their fingers laced together. Butters squeezed his hand and took the cigarette from him. Kenny watched as he took a drag, and coughed a little. He laughed at that, causing Butters to blush and hand it back. "But you're okay, you're safe and you're okay. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you." Kenny smiled weakly; he wished he could believe him. But sometimes nothing could stop him from dying. "I have a suggestion, revenge?" Kenny perked up and looked at his fiance with interest. "Why don't we make chocolate and strawberry French toast..."

"I could," Butters snickered and pulled out his phone, then typed something in it.

"Why don't you start making omelets to go with it, while I run to the store and get a necessary ingredient?"

"We have chocolate chips though," Butters rolled his eyes and held up his phone. Kenny looked at the picture on the screen and beamed. "Leopold Stotch, you're _evil_."

"Mousetraps and Ex-lax go hand in hand..." Kenny snickered and looked at him in confusion. "Well, they both get rid of _something_." Kenny burst out laughing at that and smiled with adoring eyes at Butters.

"You better hope I don't put it in ours, I mean it could get-" Butters waved him off and pointed to the house.

"They're in the kitchen- go entertain. I'll be back in like... ten minutes. Stall for me!" Kenny grinned and turned back to the house. Kyle and Stan stepped out onto the deck and Kenny sighed.

"Sorry, Butters has to go to the store, we were just talking and I've always wanted to make chocolate French Toast, so why not with you guys? Do you guys like sweet or semi-sweet chocolate chips?" Kenny asked. Kyle and Stan glanced at each other and shrugged.

"Sweet is fine," they replied, "just make sure it doesn't have sugar."

From a distance, Kenny swore he heard Butters howl with laughter. He grinned and nodded, leading them inside.

"Of _course_, I'm used to cooking with substitutes. Now c'mon, you can set up the game while I make some omelets."


	31. Onto Bigger and Better Things

_Author's Note: This is different. Way different, as this isn't really a torture mechanism to wake Kenny up. But... go with it. For the plot. See, it's similar to the way I woke my PR because I just woke up and said, "Butters should fuck the shit out of Kenny and completely wreck him, don't you think?" To which Cal agreed and said something about licorice. But completely different because... story. But it's like one of those things. No violence or fear, just... I dunno. You'll see._

_Naywho, thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm just so thankful you people even click the links to my work. It amazes me, I'll never quite get it. But thank you for reading and giving me a chance :). -coughsomeonemayormaynothavebeeninamoviethatyoumayormaynothaveseen- -coughimayormaynotbeinironman3- -coughifiwasitwasntforlong- -coughitwasabitpart- _

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Butters had called it quits with the waking up of the lump in the bed for awhile. Kyle had gotten to him and he just didn't see the point. Kenny had been waking up earlier anyway and even then sleeping in wasn't such a big deal; after all, when Butters wasn't working he liked to get as much sleep as he possibly could. He was physically and emotionally drained by the end of the week, and sleeping in for a disgusting amount of hours seemed like heaven. And it was.

But something happened, and Butters simply couldn't pass up this opportunity. Perhaps this was just the thing to finally set Kenny straight; after all their lives were completely changed.

He was shaking as he drove home on an unbearably hot July afternoon. Not even the air conditioning in his car could cool him down, and every so often he would wipe little beads of sweat from his brow. But the heat wouldn't get him down, nothing could. The best thing to ever happen to him lay right before him, and he was so close he could almost taste it. All he needed was Kenny's say-so, as it directly affected him as well.

Butters turned off his car as he pulled into the garage and ran to the door. Ursa bolted out to greet him, and he gave him a couple of pats on the head before he ran into their house. Thankfully it was cold in there as well; Kenny preferred a cool house because it was easier for him to warm up than cool down. Sleeping was like sleeping in a fridge, but with blankets and a cuddle buddy it was warm.

Before he burst into the room screaming his news and flailing around, Butters pulled out his phone. He tapped furiously on the screen as he typed something in to Youtube, then pressed play. He turned the volume up all the way, paused the video, and quietly entered their bedroom. Butters then walked to their dresser and plugged his phone into the auxiliary cord in their stereo. He adjusted the volume, Kenny sometimes liked to listen to the music really loud when they had sex, and turned.

This time, Kenny lay on his back with his arms wrapped around himself. He was surrounded by pillows and blankets, which didn't quite cover his chest. Bites and various marks from last night that looked rather sore caused Butters to blush and he bit his lip as he pressed play on his phone.

"The Avengers" theme blared from the speakers and Butters hurriedly jumped on the bed as Kenny began to stir.

"Turn that goddamn song off right now," Kenny grumbled, throwing a pillow over his head. His voice muffled his next comment, but Butters snickered and crawled up next to Kenny, then hopped on his lap. He heard the taller man's muffled noise of surprise, then watched as he pulled down the pillow. "My head is going to explode."

"That's the plan," Kenny's jaw dropped and he smirked at Butters. "Kenny, Kenny please I have something amazing to tell you!" He cried, then bit back a grin as he bounced on him.

"Keep doing that and something _not_ amazing is going to happen," he mumbled. The bright blonde rolled his eyes and took Kenny's hands in his.

"Puhleeeeeeee-"

"Okay, okay..." Kenny said with a gentle laugh. He rubbed his eyes and sat up slowly, then grunted, "I really have to pee though." Butters glowered, and Kenny shifted slightly.

"That's your fault, if you woke up earlier then-" Butters stopped himself and shook his head, "Kenny, I'm gonna be in a _movie_!"

The dark blonde's eyes practically bugged out of his head, and he grinned. Butters felt his arms wrap tight around him, and smiled even more as Kenny kissed his cheek.

"You're serious, like a _movie_ movie?" Butters nodded violently, "holy shit, when did you audition? Why didn't you tell me? Shit, I would've gone with you and done you a party and..."

"Yes! A real movie!" He flailed, then lay on top of Kenny, who held him tight as he laughed, "I wanted it to be a surprise and I didn't want either of our hopes up and I didn't know if you'd be mad and-"

"Why would I be mad?" Kenny asked. Butters' face fell slightly and Kenny felt the air suddenly grow tense. "What movie is it?"

"Okay, you know how the new "Star Wars" movie was open casting?" Kenny nodded slowly, "well, so was this new movie coming out. So I sent in my information and they said they were doing auditions in Denver and I was on the list of people they wanted to see. I got a callback, auditioned two more times, gave references, had my theatre manager talk with them... Kenny... I'm gonna be in the new "Avengers" movie."

Kenny let out a squeak at that, and stared at his fiance in complete shock.

"Like... Robert Downey Jr. "Avengers"?" Butters nodded, "holy..."

"I KNOW!" Butters screamed. They both laughed and hugged each other tightly, "and it's not a bit part, either! I'm not an extra! I mean I'm not main, but I'm going to have more than one scene and... they're sending my script and my agent- Kenny, I have an agent now, is going to fly out tomorrow to talk with me and... oh my God this is real."

Butters didn't expect to hear a sniffle. He looked at Kenny and saw his eyes were wet, and his heart fell. "But if you don't want-" Kenny shook his head and laughed as he squeezed Butters' hand.

"No, you do this. Whatever it takes, you're in this film. Leopold Stotch, I'm... I'm so proud of you. I know you've done commercials and that was great, I know you've been in plays with the theatre company, and I know you were in a couple of local movies but... dude, this is like the biggest franchise around right now. You... oh my God, I'm so _proud_ of you." Butters hummed at that, and wrapped his arms around Kenny.

"That's something I need to talk to you about," Kenny nodded; he knew this was going to happen. They would need him on-site, and Butters would go there. He'd stay there. But Kenny couldn't hold him back, this was the best opportunity in his life and there was no way in hell he was letting him pass this up. Of course, this would allow Butters to meet famous people, become famous himself, possibly find a better person to be with... and Kenny knew that. He didn't want to let Butters go; but he had a feeling his stupid job at Olive Garden without a degree of any sort, or a high school diploma, would severely hold Butters back. He couldn't do that to him.

"Of course," he said, and Butters sighed heavily.

"They're going to be filming in LA, Miami, and New York City..." Kenny nodded, "and... my scenes are in Los Angeles."

"Go," Kenny said. Butters blinked at him, "as soon as they need you, go. I'll be okay here. I'll keep up the house and have it waiting for you when you get back. You're not passing this up because of me. We can talk everyday, or every week, and I'll want to hear about all of your adventures. But this is too big to-"

"I know, I know, but... listen, will you?" Butters said. Kenny bit his lip. "We need to talk... there's a lot of opportunity in this for me, so much, and-"

"I don't want to hold you back," Kenny mumbled. Butters grew quiet, "if... if you want to move to LA, if you get famous I don't want to be the reason you don't go after things." The bright blonde groaned in annoyance.

"Oh shut up, you dork," he grumbled, "I'll be in Los Angeles for three months. I'm not gonna have a trailer or anything of course but... I'll probably be in a suite or something." Kenny nodded, "and I'm not allowed to take anyone with me."

"I know, that's why I'm-" Butters hit him in the head, and Kenny hushed as he rubbed his temple.

"Seriously, listen to me!" Butters cried, "I can't have anyone living with me... unless they're family." Kenny blinked once.

"But you're an adult, dude." The bright blonde sent him a blank look, and facepalmed.

"I could have a _spouse_ live with me."

Silence filled the room, and Kenny kept his eyes low as he considered his words. He twisted the ring on his finger, then looked up.

"And I don't think Leopold Stotch sounds like a good... stage name, or celebrity name."

"It's better than Butters Stotch," Butters chuckled and took Kenny's hands.

"I was thinking... I think I'd like my name on credits to be Leo McCormick. If I'm even credited. I'd say Lee, but... that's your thing." Kenny made another noise in the back of his throat, and Butters saw his cheeks were dark red.

"You... you'd really want that?"

"No one in the Stotch name supports me. The McCormicks do... and someday down the line if I won an Oscar or something I'd want to thank my family... my real family. Not my birthright." Kenny bit his lip and felt Butters squeeze his hand, "plus this really hot guy would look great on my arm as we walk down the red carpet." Kenny snorted.

"Kevin's not hot though." Butters guffawed and buried his head in Kenny's chest as he burst into giggles. Kenny snorted as well and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"You're such a dingus!" the bright blonde cried, "Ken, I wanna get married. Bebe and Clyde and Kyle and Stan are married... why not us?" Kenny pressed his lips to Butters' and they both held each other tight. After growing dizzy and losing the feeling in his lips, Kenny pulled away and traced his finger down Butters' forehead, over the scar on his eye, down to his puffy lips, and smile against him. He laughed quietly and Butters looked into his twinkling baby blues.

"Why not?"


	32. Happy Birthday, the Kenny Way

_Author's Note: If Kenny had it his way this is how he'd choose to be woken up. Next week the antics will resume, this week I was feeling more fluff and calm things. Kind of needed that, actually. Anywho, here is the last update for the weekend. Thanks for reading :).  
_

* * *

Kenny knew there wasn't a lot of things he was good at. Mostly he was good at fucking everything up, and so the past few weeks, and the past couple months, he had been extra careful with things he would say or do. Butters was gone more often than he thought he would be, with meeting with his agent, and several press conferences, and it left him to think about things. A lot of things... or at least a lot of things encompassing one topic; how much of a failure he was. He was twenty-two with a shitty job at the Olive Garden, barely in his "second year" of "online school" for a "graphics design degree" that would get him nowhere while his best friends, and everyone he graduated with, had already graduated college and were set with their life careers.

And now Butters was in one of the biggest movie franchises around today.

It wasn't that Kenny wasn't proud, no, that wasn't the case at all. He was absolutely glowing with pride for his fiance. It was just the thing to remind him how much of a failure he was. He was going nowhere, and Butters had avoided the B-movie films and the junkie bit parts, for a role that had been sought after by millionaire celebrities. Butters was good, no, _amazing_ at what he did.

But what was he good at? The more he thought about it, he was good at being supportive and helping his friends achieve their dreams. Here he was, being their number one fan. He was stuck with ambition but no goal in mind, and it left him doing little more than staying up too late working on "homework" that he had already done his sophomore year of high school in his study hall that he got detentions for.

Today was different, however. Being supportive was his number one goal for the day. Which is why he woke up extremely early, the sun was just beginning to rise when he forced himself out of bed. He knew Butters didn't want a big fuss, he never did, but Kenny thought it was the little things that counted; like his favorite breakfast in bed.

And he took extra time to shape the strawberry filled pancakes into The Avengers because he could, thank you very much.

Once Butters' breakfast was made, with orange juice and coffee in case he wanted something hot or cold rather than both, Kenny grabbed the horribly wrapped present and card he had made rather than bought, and balanced it all as he walked up the stairs. This was a death in the making, but he was watching his every step to make sure he didn't skip one.

Thankfully, he made it up the stairs and to their bedroom. Butters' had gotten home late last night after a meeting with some high up person that Kenny didn't bother to know the name of. He had barely gotten out of his suit, a designer suit that he thought was from Dolce and Banana which was a really weird name, and had fallen asleep in the button up shirt rather than the pajamas Kenny set out for him; as he knew Butters would be a walking zombie by the time he got home.

So Kenny carefully unbuttoned the shirt and folded it, then put him in his favorite tank top, mostly because it was soft with age. Kenny took off his socks next, then his boxers, and gently put Butters in the Hello Kitty pajama shorts he had bought him, mostly because he knew they wouldn't completely cover his bottom. Butters knew that too.

Kenny grabbed the present and the tray of food, then sat back down on his side of the bed. Butters hadn't stirred once, and mumbled into his pillow as Kenny shook his shoulder.

"Wake up," Kenny murmured gently, then ran a hand through his hair. Butters moaned quietly and turned to face him. He smiled as one blue eye opened and looked at him with a sleepy expression.

"Too early," Butters grumbled, then closed his eye once more. Kenny continued raking his fingers through Butters' hair; that action definitely wouldn't make him fall asleep, he knew that for sure. Butters knew this as well, and he groaned quietly as he stretched his legs and sat up, slightly.

"Happy Birthday, Lee," Kenny said, then pointed down to his breakfast. Butters sighed and smiled softly at Kenny as he took the tray. He made sure to set the coffee and orange juice on his nightstand so he wouldn't drop them. "See, this is the way you wake someone. No terror, pain, or annoying noises. Just food and a gentle hand." Butters just gave him a look, then took a sip of his coffee.

"Aw, well you didn't have to... is that an Iron Man pancake?" Kenny beamed and Butters rolled his eyes as he took a bite, "Mm, I just _knew_ Robert Downey Jr. would taste good." Kenny snickered and rested his head on Butters' shoulder.

"I tried to make a full bodied Captain America, but his ass wasn't big enough." Butters guffawed at that, and choked a little on the next bite of food. "You could bounce a quarter off that thing, I'm telling you."

"God, I'm going to be working with these people and all I'm going to be thinking about is talking about their taste and asses with you," Kenny smiled a little and hummed quietly. "Thank you, Ken."

Kenny lay down on his pillow and talked with Butters a little as he ate his food. Kenny wasn't a breakfast person, it usually made him puke to eat so early, so he could relax and just have some time with Butters. It had been awhile since they had a moment like this, and he knew it would be more and more difficult from here on out. It's why he wanted his full attention on Butters; he didn't realize how much he missed him until he saw him sleeping. That could have been time they spent together.

"Can you believe in just three weeks we're going to be in California?" Butters asked, Kenny looked up at him, "like... we're leaving Colorado. I know it's only three months but... I didn't think that would ever happen."

"Honestly, I didn't even think I'd leave South Park," Kenny mumbled, "anything can happen with you, I didn't think I'd be living in my own house with a dog and a fiance... at this age or at all. I didn't think I'd have a soon to be famous husband-to-be, either."

"Did you think you'd have a husband?" Kenny shrugged.

"Possibly, but I'm glad I will," he said, causing Butters to blush. The bright blonde set the now empty tray down on the floor and rested his head on Kenny's chest. "In just five days, dude... five days you're gonna be a McCormick. How does that make you feel?" Butters hummed happily and traced patterns on Kenny's chest.

"Happier than anything in the world... I never thought I'd be with you, Ken. You made me into who I am today. If you weren't in my life I would have probably ended up going to business school with an arranged marriage and hate my life... like my dad. But... you showed me what I could be."

"Look at us," Kenny murmured, "you're going to be in "The Avengers", we're gonna be married and I..." Kenny trailed off, then grimaced. What had he done with his life that he was proud of? Cooked at the Olive Garden? There was nothing he could say to finish that sentence and not sound like an idiot. A failure. "I'm sorry."

"S-sorry?" Butters asked, not expecting that at all. Kenny's face heated and he kept his eyes low. Butters took his hand, but he felt Kenny try to pull away, "Kenny, what did you do?"

"Nothing," was his answer, and that was true. "I haven't done a thing with my life. I'm sorry that when people ask who you're married to you'll have to say, "oh this kid from my town who dropped out of high school and works at the Olive Garden which isn't real Italian food and he isn't even Italian". I'm sorry that, I'm like, a royal fucking screw up and I know I don't deserve you. And I'm _sorry_." Butters caught that look in his eyes, one he knew all too well, and wrapped an arm around Kenny.

"You saved my life," Butters whispered, "that's what you've done." Kenny looked up with red eyes and waited for Butters to continue. "If you hadn't needed my help junior year, if you hadn't shown me that things could get better... I would have killed myself. I was going to. But you gave me a reason to live. I don't care about that stuff, darlin'. I don't. If you just want to paint and draw and try to sell your stuff, then drop out of college. Quit working at The Olive Garden. Just do what you want to do. If someone asks me who I'm married to, I'm gonna say I'm married to the best person in the whole world, who has been there when no one else was, who saved my life, and who supported me and all of my dreams. And I'll support you with yours and be there every step of the way and give you the love you need, want, and deserve. So... what do you want to do with your life?"

"I... I quit my job," Kenny whispered, "last night... when you were at your meeting. I turned in my two weeks two weeks ago. We're going to California anyway and..." he trailed off, "maybe I can spend more time working on that degree while you're filming and then... I dunno. Paint."

"So then you'll be my artist husband," Butters gushed, causing Kenny to laugh, "look at us, we're an artsy couple." Kenny nodded and squeezed Butters tightly, and relaxed when he felt his arms wrap around him as well. It was what he needed. "We're gonna make it, no matter what. And I support you, every step of the way," Butters whispered in his ear, then captured his lips in a kiss. "Now c'mere, I gotta unwrap my present." Kenny reached for the box and Butters snickered before he grabbed his and rested it on his chest. Kenny grunted as Butters shoved him down on the bed and let out a happy noise as he felt the bright blonde climb on top of him and lift his shirt. "You're the only thing I could think to ask for, Kenneth McCormick," Butters murmured, then kissed him gently. Kenny felt his heart swell, and he wrapped his arms around Butters waist, "and I'm so proud of you."


	33. Dear Kenny

_Author's Note: So, I'm pretty sure this is the worst one yet. Sorry. :/ And it's different. _

_(Cal if you read this, I promise on my life I will not do this to you. This is cruel and unusual punishment.) _

* * *

Kenny woke up later than he had planned. His initial fear was that he overslept to the point of missing his own wedding. He had even tried not to party so much last night, knowing that he needed at least twelve hours of sleep to even begin curing his hangover. His head throbbed dully and he clutched his temple as he rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock.

It was only 11:30 in the morning. This was do-able. They didn't need to be there until 1:30, with the wedding at 4:00. That gave him enough time to just chill with Butters, and not allow him the time to let the fact he was getting married sink in. He'd probably end up messing up the lines and making a fool of himself, and Butters would be across from him reciting everything flawlessly as if he had done this a thousand times. But he was only going to do this once, Kenny would make sure of that. As big of a fool as he was, he was Butters' fool, and the bright blonde would hopefully find it endearing... or adorable.

Except, as he turned to hold Butters, he realized he wasn't there. Except, there was a note.

Kenny felt his heart drop passed his stomach.

"Oh no."

He couldn't help it. Every single romantic comedy that revolved around a wedding told him what a note on the goddamn pillow meant on the wedding day. They chose not to do the whole "stay in separate places" thing because that's dumb and they've had enough jinxing in their life. Their life as a married couple would be fine.

Except his hands shook when he picked up the envelope. He read his name, written in Butters' beautiful cursive, and hesitated to open the letter. He did, anyway, and found himself staring at what he had been terrified of. What had been his biggest fear for years, and what he knew deep down he should have expected.

_"Kenny,_

_I couldn't sleep last night. I felt this fear and anxiety that I knew I shouldn't have been feeling. I should have been so excited I couldn't sleep. But instead I was crying. I didn't want to wake you, and I didn't want you to know. But you have to know. _

_I'm sorry. I have to do some thinking. I don't know if we rushed this, if we properly thought this through. No, I know the answer to that. I can't keep trying to convince myself this is what should become of us. I can't keep doing this to you. This has been my battle for awhile. I've been distant, edgy, angry, come on, you can't tell me you haven't noticed? But how could I talk to you about this? How could I do this to you? _

_I'm leaving for California. Please, can you just do me one favor? Can you go to the chapel, and tell everyone we aren't getting married today? I know it will be tough, but I'm not as strong as you. I can't do it._

_I'm sorry, but I think this is for the best. I'm so sorry, Ken._

_I do love you. More than you will ever know._

_Yours, _

_Lee."_

Kenny squeezed his eyes shut and covered his mouth as he muffled a furious scream of agony. He crumpled the letter in his hand and threw it against the wall, then took a hitched breath as he punched against the same wall. He heard a popping in his fingers and felt his knuckles ache. He didn't care.

Butters broke up with him to go to California. He knew he was holding him back. He just knew this was all just wishful thinking. Butters would find someone in fucking California and make beautiful beach babies with them and be happy. Kenny couldn't do that for him.

This house, this home was theirs. And now it felt like nothing more than a facade. All of his hard work, that was laughable, had been in vain. His life, the reason he was sober, everything he had done to be where he was now was a joke. Because Butters could do better than him. And he realized that. Now Butters could live the life he truly deserved. And Kenny would as well.

He checked the dresser, the nightstand, everything. All of Butters' belongings were gone. Now all that was left were his things, his clothes, the things he bought for Butters.

He was alone. For the first time in five years he was alone.

He couldn't be alone.

Tears leaked from his eyes and fell to the floor. It was so silent in the house that he heard the quiet drops, and he quickly wiped at his face and eyes. His hands shook and his gut felt as if he had been shot. Butters had been too kind to tell him he was pathetic. But that's why he left. That's why Butters had such a hard time dealing with this; he couldn't spend the rest of his life, his new famous life, with someone who was a half-step above a bum.

He pulled out his phone and pressed the number one for his speed dial. He looked at the number, and gritted his teeth before he chucked the too expensive phone against the wall and heard it crack and splinter into hundreds of pieces.

The best Kenny's life could have been was with Butters. He was trying to be someone, slightly successful, and he was happy. Fuck, he was happy. The best Butters' life could be was without him, because all he would is hold him back from going after his dreams. He would be the next Neil Patrick Harris or something. He could see it. He could see him on TV and movies and broadway. He could see him with an actor husband with cute kids and dressing up in themed Halloween costumes.

That was supposed to be him. But he wasn't the David fucking Burtka to his Neil Patrick Harris. He was Butters' fucking Christine Taylor.

He pulled at his hair and felt his eyes burn. He drove him away. It was his fault; if he just had more ambition, if he didn't sleep so goddamn much...

Kenny tasted blood in his mouth. He unclenched his teeth around his lip, and looked at the clock. He could get to the chapel before anyone got there, would tell the director the wedding was canceled, and start calling everyone.

Why did Butters leave this to him?

Because he deserved to deal with the fact he was nothing but a failure. Maybe then he'd learn to be a better person.

He quickly put on a pair of sweatpants and didn't even bother with brushing his hair. As soon as he was finished telling people he and Butters weren't getting married, and avoiding their questions like the plague, he would start to pack and drink himself into oblivion. He'd move back home, and deal with his parents' anger as he became a failure in their eyes. He was just like his dad; Kevin even got out. Kenny, however, would be stuck in South Park the rest of his life, poisoning his liver with alcohol and cooking meth.

He grabbed the keys to his old car and punched at the steering wheel as it sputtered and died. He pumped the gas, hit his head on the wheel, and turned the ignition. After three more tries the car finally rumbled to life, and made a few clunking noises as he pulled out of the driveway.

He'd probably drive is car off of a bridge before he made it home to drink himself to death. That sounded like a good plan.

They chose to get married at a chapel outside of Denver. It was pretty, and both of them were still religious, though they didn't practice a certain religion. Ike had actually become ordained and was going to marry them. He was probably there with the director of the chapel now.

It took him fifteen minutes and a near stall of his car to arrive at the chapel. He turned off the ignition and shut the door to his junk on wheels, then covered his eyes as he walked slowly up to the chapel. He rubbed his eyes again and felt them well with tears. He looked up at the sky and took a shuddered breath to keep from breaking down.

There was no use in crying. Tears wouldn't change a damn thing.

He opened the doors to the chapel and saw Ike sitting on the stairs, reading something. The younger man looked up and tilted his head curiously.

"You're not supposed to be here for a couple hours," he mumbled, then went back to reading. "Why aren't you dressed?"

"The wedding is off." Ike dropped the pen in his hands and slowly looked up. Blue eyes met blue eyes, and the black-haired man scoffed.

"No, it's not." Kenny gave a nod.

"Butters is on his way to California. He wrote me a..." he trailed off, voice cracking as he lost composure. He covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as he fought off tears. Ike had stood up and took a step back, he wasn't used to Kenny showing emotion. "A letter and... um..." he choked, then shook his head. "S_hit_."

Ike looked around, unsure of what to do, and quietly went to a room in the chapel. Kenny sat at one of the pews and folded his hands as he rested his forehead on the pew in front of him.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. He met green eyes, and he sniffled.

"Kyle, what are you doing here?" Kenny asked feebly; great. Now he would be embarrassed and a laughingstock to one half of the world's greatest couple. They could do no wrong and here Kenny was... just... wrong.

"I came early with Ike. Dude, what... what's going on?"

"Butters wrote me a l-letter. He's going to California. I'm... he deserves better than me anyway. I've just been holding him back. He's been unhappy because... because of me. I'm a failure, Ky. I am nothing except in his way. All I do is hold everyone back and I'm sorry. I-I just... I'm gonna go. I can't... I can't do this." Kenny shook his head.

"Kenny, wait," Kyle said, biting his lip as Kenny stood and walked up the aisle. Kyle glanced to Ike and then back to Kenny as Ike folded his papers and ran to the room Kyle had been in. "Kenny, _stop_!"

"No, fuck you! I'm not getting some lecture on how I should be coping and ways to improve my fuck ups and try to understand what you could learn from this. Butters did the _best_ thing he could today, he _left_ me! And you _all_ should do the same. I was the worst thing for him, and I'm the worst thing for everyone. So just leave me _alone_."

"Stan!" Kyle cried, and Kenny groaned in annoyance when Ike rushed out with, of course, Stan behind him. Kenny shook his head and gave a wave of his hand. He really didn't need to see them together trying to tell him everything would get better. It would for Butters; Kenny couldn't get better than being with him. It wasn't co-dependency, it was the truth.

He felt arms wrap around him and pull him back. He fought against them and knew Stan was just going to pin him down and make him listen. But he didn't want to listen; they would be wasting their time.

"Let. Me. GO!" Kenny screamed and grunted as he felt someone kick the back of his knee, knocking him down. Stan grabbed onto the pressure point in his neck, and held his head to the floor. Kenny was motionless underneath him, and he let out a sob of purest misery into the carpet. His body shook as his anger was replaced with gripping loneliness and the ache that Butters left him for being who he was. He wasn't good enough.

"You're wrong, this is the _best_ thing I'll do all day."

Kenny tried to whip his head around but felt that steady hand on his neck. He tried to see behind him, but was blocked by black.

"L-Lee?" he choked, and felt the hand loosen around him. Kenny turned his neck and felt a sob rip from his shoulders and out of his throat.

"I couldn't sleep last night, I was doing so much thinking... is this the right thing for us? Are we moving too fast?" Kenny heard the same words from the letter and felt his anger burn. He didn't need to hear this again. "I couldn't keep trying to convince myself that being with you was the right thing, and I couldn't put you through all of the constant wishy washy emotions. I couldn't do that to you. You came to the chapel to tell everyone we weren't getting married, because I couldn't do it. And I won't do it.

"I did a lot of thinking. But I don't _think_ anymore. I _know_ this is the right thing. We are moving at a speed just for us, because we're us, Ken. And I had to stop convincing myself this was right, because it is. Being with you is the best decision of my life."

"This was all... a _joke_? A prank to wake me up?" Butters eyes lowered, "you could have just asked me about the _wishy washy_ emotions. You could have talked to me. But..." Kenny shook his head. He couldn't do this now. "But how could I... when the last time I tried to call you, your agent put me on hold and twenty-five minutes later directed the call to _fucking City Wok_? How could I when I know you'll just agree that I'm virtually nothing? I'm not worth it, and... this is our wedding day. But it's... is it canceled? What the fuck is going on? I just... I can't do this. I can't deal with this, my head is going to explode."

"You're not nothing, Ken... you're everything to me. Please... I'm sorry, I... I should have thought about this, please... I still wanna get married. The wedding's still on... I thought..."

"You still wanna get married?" Kenny asked in a whisper. Butters let out a laugh and nodded. "That really wasn't a real break-up letter?"

"Yes, fuck California. Fuck "The Avengers", fuck... fuck everything else. My greatest achievement would be to marry you, Kenneth McCormick." Kenny looked at his hands and sniffled, "please don't cry, darlin'?"

"I hate you," Kenny mumbled, "I hate you so fucking much right now," he wrapped his arms around Butters and sobbed into his shoulder. He squeezed tighter as he felt the blonde hold him tight against him, and run his hands through his hair.

"I love you so much," Butters whispered, pressing kisses to his forehead, "and I promise, I swear on my life I will never leave you. You're my David Burtka."

"I didn't want to be Christine Taylor..." Kenny replied in his chest. Butters laughed and glanced up to see Kyle and Stan talking with Ike and holding hands. He glanced back down at Kenny, and kissed his head again.

"No, you're not Christine Taylor, and you're not the next David Burtka. You're my Kenny McCormick. And someday, someone's gonna say, 'you're the Kenny to my Leo,'" Kenny let out a weak laugh.

"I didn't realize I was marrying Leonardo DiCaprio," Butters guffawed and caressed Kenny's cheek. "I'm still mad at you, I'm still hurt. I'm just too confused to comprehend anything. My mind is a mess and I swear, Leopold, that you are going to get it. Bad. You won't know when or where, but it will be bad."

"Ooh, a threat from my husband," Butters murmured, taking Kenny's hand in his, "I deserve it. But right now you deserve assurance. I love you, and I'm not gonna leave you. Okay?"

"Just don't... don't _do_ that," Kenny replied, still completely shaken, except with excitement mixing with the ache in his chest. He felt disoriented. "I just want to be better for you, I want-" Butters silenced him with a kiss, and Kenny swooned as he rested against Butters.

"I don't want anyone else but you, _exactly_ who and how you are, you are the best you that you could be and I love you for that, so incredibly much." Kenny let out a whimper at that, and Butters wiped his eyes. "I know you're feeling vulnerable and you don't think you're good enough. But you are, in everything you have done for me. For us." Kenny held his hand tightly and closed his eyes. "You're everything I could ever ask for."

"The David to your Neil?"

"The David to my Neil, the Kenny to my Lee, the only way we can be an adorable bunny, the only person I want to wake up next to, the "my" in my chaos, you will always be mine, Kenny. And I will always be yours."

"For all eternity," Kenny whispered, tracing the back of his hand. Butters nodded, and clasped their fingers together.

"For all eternity."


	34. Butters' Guide by KM- AKA The Victim

_Author's Note: In a sense this is also not a great way to wake up, but this is different. Mostly because of fallingwthstyle's amazing headcanon that I fell in love with (THANK YOU!) so I hope I did you justice. When I read that I was like, "yeah... this is happening". It kind of goes along with chapter 32._

_This is definitely a different format, and more like plot for this rather than an actual wake-up scenario. It's kind of leading in to the next chapter of their lives, which will involve more awesome wake ups, and of course... the end. You get these early because I will be blowing stuff up all weekend. :)_

_Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! And if anyone has any suggestions let me know._

_If you live in the US, have a Happy 4th. If you don't... well, have a good weekend and I hope you enjoy these chapters :D._

_By the way, this is what Kenny takes photos of every night: boy dom **dot** com / wp-content/ uploads / 2012 / 12 / GlowingWavesBoydom **dot** com _ **dot** jpg (the dots are "." obviously)_

_This of course is not my picture and this is in India rather than California. But it's the same thing. I've seen it on Venice Beach. Amazing. Bioluminescent phytoplankton. It's absolutely beautiful. _

_Happy reading :)._

* * *

Kenny woke up to an empty bed and the taste of salt on his tongue from the ocean. Again.

Kenny couldn't help but realize he hated California. He didn't like the weather, the way people acted, the pretentious air, and he missed his friends. Most of all he missed Butters; who he had seen all of ten minutes before his husband passed out on the bed. Each night.

He couldn't believe only a month had gone by. A month since Butters had started filming, and he had two months left of this. He was still overjoyed for him, but God... this was grating. Kenny hated waking up alone and going to sleep alone. They were married, and he couldn't be happier... except he could. He understood this was the role of a lifetime, and things would be better. He just missed Butters, and a part of him knew things were never going to be the same again.

Why? Because Butters had already landed two more roles in different movies. He was known. People liked his ruggedly feminine looks. People liked his calming voice. People liked his style of acting. But so did Kenny. He doubted they would go back to Colorado in three months, he doubted they'd go back at all. And that bothered him. But this is what he knew would happen, and he agreed that for better or for worse he would be with Butters Stotch who was now known as Leo McCormick and Kenny just couldn't get used to it. He couldn't help but think that they were two different people.

The dark blonde rubbed his eyes and walked to the bathroom. He showered and stood under the shower head for awhile, just letting the water pour down on him. It tasted funny here. He didn't even have the desire to jerk off anymore. It just wasn't the same.

California was a constant reminder that he was the biggest failure mooching off his husband's success. No matter what Butters told him, Kenny knew this was true. He had given up on school, he didn't have a job, he just sat around the hotel all day watching daytime soap operas and eating weird food. He did nothing, and Butters loved him for that, for some unknown reason.

It bothered Kenny. He needed to do something. He couldn't be this lurking shadow amidst Butters' success. But finding a job there was impossible, unless he wanted some minimum wage job at the closest Wal-Mart. And that sounded like suicide in the making.

So he did what he usually did when the daytime soaps got to be too over-fetched, and that was take a walk. He ran across interesting people, had seen a couple of celebrities on occasion, but said nothing. Did nothing. Why would he bother trying to get their attention? He was nobody. Just another face on a crowded street looking to catch a break in the city that would crush anyone's dreams.

He didn't fit in with his thrift shop clothes. Butters, scratch that, _Leo_ tried to get him to wear the extra designer clothes he managed to get but Kenny wouldn't change. That wasn't who he was. That wasn't who Butters was. Apparently that was _Leo_ though. He would walk endlessly, and end at his favorite spot; Venice Beach. He would sit at the pier, or on the sand, and watch the people swim, or take pictures for magazines, whatever. He would sit in silence and miss the sunset in the mountains, miss the frigid mountain air and the snow. He preferred breathing in cold than salt.

But what he waited for was in the waves at twilight. He had his camera ready, one _Leo_ had bought him so it was much nicer than the point and shoot camera he loved, and took pictures of the waves. It was his hidden treasure; the plankton would glow in the waves at night. Illuminating the ocean, the waves, all the way to the bottom. It amazed him, and every night he took photos. He couldn't help it; it was the one thing that he looked forward to.

Once the sun set, he put his camera back in the bag and bunched the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. He stared at the ground as he walked; the streets were too crowded and the people had mean eyes. He didn't belong here, and they knew it.

So he got back to the empty hotel room and sat at the coffee table with his laptop open. He posted the pictures to his stupid blog of stupid pictures he took, because what else was a twenty-two year old man with no ambition to do? Blog.

It was the most logical decision. At least people on the internet would think he had a life. It amazed him how popular his photos were, so many other people posted the same ones. But there were the notes on his stupid Tumblr every day, so it was nice someone thought they were interesting. People got too bored of them of Facebook. Kyle said he should take different pictures. Cartman blocked him.

He browsed the internet after uploading his pictures, and stumbled across Butters' old blog, "How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate". He laughed as he watched the videos, from throwing the deli meat, to the horror of Aragog the Unforgotten, to Cartman licking Kyle's balls. The last one was an apology from their wedding day.

Butters was too busy to try to wake him. Butters didn't even seem to care that he slept in, as he was never home to worry about it. Kenny watched the videos over and over, and suddenly found himself missing that. It was weird to miss being scared nearly to death, but he did. He missed everything about those videos and Butters' wake up tactics.

Kenny sighed and pulled up Spotify before he looked at the blank piece of paper in his sketch pad. He began to draw the television in front of him for a practice doodle, but quickly tore out the page and chucked it at the waste basket. It was full of his abandoned sketches. That's all they were. That's all he would do.

He tapped the pen in his hand and looked at his laptop screen once more. He browsed Butters' blog, then his personal blog, and sighed heavily. From what he could tell people missed his antics. Pretty soon they'd see him on the big screen and they'd forget all about this silly little blog.

Pretty soon Kenny absentmindedly doodled as he listened to the music. He hummed along to some songs, and carefully shaded in behind the letters he had written. He stared at the word in front of him, more like the name, and sighed heavily. Butters.

"Dammit," Kenny mumbled and pulled out his phone. He called Kyle and heard the phone ring six times before he heard his overly cheery voice mail announcing he reached the voice mailbox of _Kyle fucking Marsh_ and he'd call back as soon as he could. But he wouldn't because he always texted Kenny that he was too busy with classes and homework.

So he was alone. Newly married, and alone. Completely isolated from his friends and family. He needed something.

Before he knew it he had drawn a cartoon version of Butters with both of his thumbs up saying, "that's me!" right below his name. But his name had morphed from simply Butters to, "Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate", by KM. AKA The Victim. He smiled at the little black and white cartoon, then worked on filling in the details.

Kenny looked between his laptop and the sketchpad, then opened up his tablet to start recreating the sketch as a digital art piece. If Butters' followers couldn't have updates on his pranks then Kenny could give them slight visuals, at the very least. So he made a special account, just for the comic, and linked it to Butters' blog. After spending an hour on the title and "cover art" alone, he published it, then went to draw the first comic- a firsthand account of the turkey slice incident.

Because it reminded Kenny of home, and of Butters, and all of the silly things they used to do that were on hold for probably the rest of their lives. Because at the time he had way more ambition and desire to try to be successful. Because he was happy then. And it wasn't that he wasn't happy _with_ Butters; being married was the best decision he made in his life. But _he_ just wasn't happy.

By the time he had the first drawing completed he already managed to have 50 followers. There were messages in the ask box, requesting various scenes; and he briefly wondered if they were the ones who gave Butters his ideas. He shook his head and smiled a little, then saved the document and published it. Because this had been his happiest, and he'd go back and relive every day as best he could. It would help; he just knew it.

"Ken, I'm home!" Butters chirruped as he opened the door to their suite. Ursa looked up from by the door and wagged his tail twice before resting his head once more. "Ken, I'm sorry I'm late. I went to dinner with some people and then we-" Butters stopped himself as he found Kenny fast asleep at the coffee table, with his head nearly resting on his sketch pad. He was slumped over, snoring quietly, and Butters smiled sadly. "Kenny, c'mon, wake up."

Of course, he didn't receive a response, so he sighed and pulled the sketch pad from beneath his head. His eyes widened as he saw the doodle, and his eyes shifted slowly to Kenny. His gaze softened, and he grimaced as he shut the book. Butters then went to turn off his laptop, and let out a surprised gasp. On the screen was a Tumblr page, with Kenny's comic drawn and 250 followers with the first "episode" of "Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate". The bright blonde felt a tug on his heart and he opened the inbox. The people that had followed his own blog were here now.

Butters shook his head; in the five hours of uploading his two pieces, he managed to gain 250 followers. And the comic was _good_; very accurate little cartoon versions of themselves with Kenny's distinct style, and it was hilarious. He knew it was Kenny's dream to make a comic book; maybe this was it. Maybe this was Kenny's start.

But for now he needed to get his lump to bed.

The twenty-three year old shut the laptop and put his hand behind Kenny's back. His other arm went under his knees, and in a near effortless motion, swooped Kenny in his arms. The younger man's head rested on his chest, and Butters felt his smile weaken as he carried him to the bed. Kenny was sleeping too much lately, but Butters didn't think there was anything he could do about it. He seemed to be losing weight as well, and Butters worried that he was depressed, because of this... and him. But he was busy, and Kenny knew what he was getting into. It wasn't his fault.

Butters knew he could try harder; but he was trying hard with everything else and he knew Kenny would be understanding. Of course, now he understood why Kenny didn't answer when he called to say he was going out to dinner and asked if he'd like to join. He was sleeping. But that's all he ever did... and Butters couldn't help but wonder why.

"I love you," Butters whispered, running his hands through Kenny's hair. He nuzzled into the touch, and Butters smiled softly as he wrapped an arm around him. "And I'm sorry this is hard for you, but I'm not sorry for doing this." At that, Butters got out of the bed, he ignored Kenny's sleeping mumbles of protest, and opened the sketch pad that laid on the table. He opened up to the cartoon, taking a moment to look at the portraits that Kenny had done of them, then took a picture of the sketched comic, and sent it to someone with the words, "this is going to be the next internet sensation. Bigger than PewDiePie, I just thought you should know."

This message, of course, had gone to his agent; who trusted his word and would know just what to do with that information. For now, Butters could rest with hope that Kenny finally found his niche, and hold him tight in his arms.

And maybe tomorrow Kenny would get quite the wake-up call.

At that thought, Butters pressed a kiss to Kenny's forehead and closed his eyes.


	35. It's Nice to See You

_Author's Note: Sorry this is so late. I'm working myself toward the evil pranks again. Butters has to tread lightly.  
_

* * *

Butters knew Kenny was missing a lot of things. His friends, his family, him... those were the most important things. It seemed as they moved, things back home moved on. People talked to them less, Butters mostly because he was busy, and everyone was busier than Kenny, and that was something his husband was struggling with. He was also missing the mountains, cooler days, snow, his parka...

He was even missing being woken up rudely. And Butters missed it too, as well as all of the things Kenny was missing. But he was growing to love working on set, and working with the people who treated him as an equal now that they saw his potential for acting. He even got some tips from Scarlet Johansson. He was friends with some of the other actors on his level, but was proud to know that Robert Downey Jr. himself thought he, Leopold McCormick, was funny. It didn't inflate his ego, but it sure made him elated.

But today was incredibly important for Butters to be with Kenny. Kenny was busy himself; he was drawing comics for "Butters' Guide" as they both called it, and Butters was still waiting to hear back from his agent for Kenny. Although he knew this was something fun for Kenny to do, and he didn't want to push him to an obligation. Especially for something he loved to do.

So, to wake Kenny, who had an even worse sleeping schedule than before, Butters managed to acquire a snow machine. He also borrowed some of his stage makeup from the set, and drove home in the middle of Los Angeles traffic. It took him three hours to get to the hotel, and by then his nerves were to the point of ripping someone's head off. But he couldn't do that to Kenny; not today.

He waved to the receptionist and walked to the elevator. He punched the button for the 9th floor and rested against the wall of the elevator. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, still gelled back from his day on set, and scratched at it to make it fall naturally.

By the time he got out of the elevator, he appeared as if he had just had sex in the elevator, and the people who walked on gave him a funny look. He ignored this, and ran down the hall, to the suite that was actually two hotel rooms connected; it was quite nice, honestly.

Butters set down his items and went to their "bedroom", which was the second room; they used the first one for a living area. Kenny was asleep on the floor with his glasses askew, "Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-long Blog" playing on the television, and his graphics tablet in hand, and being used as his pillow.

Carefully, Butters took the tablet and set it on the nightstand. Kenny's fingers scratched at the floor, then rested his hand under his head. A smile crossed the bright blonde's face, and he quickly went back to grab the snow maker. He situated it by Kenny's head, then plugged it into the wall. Butters then opened his phone and pulled up the song, "What's This?" from "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and pressed play.

As soon as he did, Kenny began to stir. Then he flinched as he felt the snow fall on his face, and Butters couldn't help but giggle as he scrunched his nose and rubbed at his skin. A quiet moan rumbled in his throat, and Butters sat cross-legged next to Kenny. It was the closest they would be to snow for about two months now.

_"What's this? What's this?_  
_There's color everywhere_  
_What's this?_  
_There's white things in the air_  
_What's this?_  
_I can't believe my eyes_  
_I must be dreaming_  
_Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair_  
_What's this?"_

"...what...?" Kenny's eyes fluttered open and Butters grinned as he brushed the snow off his face, "why snow?" He snickered at that, and ran a hand through Kenny's damp hair. "H-huh?"

The look on Kenny's face when he saw Butters was enough to make him both grab and hold him tight, and cry. The darker blonde looked absolutely shocked, and his eyes lit up as if he had discovered something that had been lost. All Butters did was smile at him, then turn off the snow maker and the song.

"I know it's not real snow but... I thought you'd like that." Kenny laughed a little and grunted as he sat up. he rubbed his tired eyes and set his glasses on the bed.

"You're home early..." Kenny trailed off in a quiet voice, biting back a smile. Honestly, it had been two weeks since they had been able to hold a proper conversation, let alone see each other in daylight. Butters nodded and took Kenny's hand.

"Today's our fifth anniversary of being together, of course I'm here." Kenny smiled and caressed Butters' cheek. "But I had to wake you up somehow." His smile grew wider, and Butters laughed as they kissed tenderly.

"It's a start, not your usual heinous effort, mister." Butters shrugged and pulled out two pieces of paper. "What is that?"

"A present..." Kenny tilted his head. "We're going to a musical."

"Huh?" Butters flipped the stubs over and Kenny cried out in amazement, then clutched the tiny paper with his hands. He grinned and looked to Butters with shining eyes. "Oh my God, you didn't?!"

"I did, and we're going to dinner before. We haven't done much here together, and... I want to change that. Okay?" Kenny read the one word on the ticket over and over again, then laughed; "Hedwig and the Angry Inch".

"I am going to be in the presence of Neil Patrick Harris?!" Butters smirked.

"...uh-huh. One more thing," Butters got up and walked to his backpack that he took with him to set everyday. Kenny followed on slightly wobbly legs, and watched as Butters pulled out two black lanyard with laminated cards in them.

"N-no," Kenny gushed, then flipped it over, "holy shit... these are VIP passes!"

"There's an after-party, and I can have a plus one..."

"Oh my God." Kenny's eyes lit up and Butters laughed as he watched him shake in excitement. "I get to meet Neil Patrick Harris?!"

"More, you get to party with him," he paused, then took Kenny's hand, "I know that I've been busy and gone a lot... and I'm sorry. I know this has been tough... for both of us. But I want to make that better, okay? And I know this doesn't replace South Park, and fake snow isn't good enough but... I hope you can forgive me. And I'll be the husband I'm supposed to be." Kenny's smile faded slightly as he gazed down at Butters. He brushed his hair back from his forehead. "I'm sorry, Ken. This isn't me trying to buy your forgiveness, I just... I knew it would make you happy. And that's all I want." He heard the taller man hum a little, and his smile was back on his face.

"I am," he mumbled, "and I'm happy for you... for us. Okay? We're gonna be okay." Butters nodded and lifted his lips as he squeezed his hand. He put his arm on Kenny's neck as he rested their foreheads together, and sighed softly.


	36. Welcome Home

_Author's Note: Okay, last nice one I think. For awhile at least. But... this one is... good. :) Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
_

* * *

Before he knew it, Butters was finished filming for "The Avengers". The time had gone by so fast, and now he was saying his goodbyes for the next few months to the friends he made along the way. He also couldn't believe that Robert Downey Jr. actually hugged him, but that was besides the point. The point was he was done filming for five months, which meant one thing.

He and Kenny could go home.

They hadn't let themselves think about Colorado for some time now. Mostly because it always put Kenny in a mood, and Butters missed out on Thanksgiving and Christmas with his friends. But... they would be back for New Years. He made sure of it.

Which is why he had been so secretive with Kenny the past couple of weeks. Of course he didn't act like anything was suspicious, and all Kenny knew was that he would be done filming "soon". He didn't know that Butters was slowly packing their belongings; although he did wonder where certain items were disappearing, and he wasn't sure why Butters brushed off the whole planning something for New Year's Eve.

But what Kenny didn't know was that he had a plan; and it would be the best New Year's Day for Kenny, ever.

Sure, he had tricks up his sleeve. He had pulled pranks on Kenny to wake him up when he had the time, but this would remind Kenny of who he was married to, and what he had to look forward to when they were home. Home; Butters couldn't help but feel giddy. And no one knew they were going to be back soon, either. It would be a great surprise, and he knew the McCormicks would want to throw a party.

So, on New Year's Eve, Butters made strict plans. One, get Kenny to start celebrating early; that meant be extremely enthusiastic. And it worked; by five in the evening Kenny was absolutely trashed. What he did next he wasn't proud of. He got Kenny his next beer, which had been tampered with; Butters may or may not have put in his sleeping pill. Kenny obviously didn't notice, and was out by 6:30.

Perfect.

Loading the car wasn't difficult; they really hadn't taken too much stuff, seeing as how the hotel provided most of the necessities. By 7:00 at night he had five bags in the trunk, Ursa in the backseat, and Kenny passed out cold on the hotel bed. Thankfully Kenny was light, that and he had gone through months of training for his part so he was stronger now. He brushed his thumb over Kenny's flushed cheek and kissed the soft skin. Kenny let out a quiet snore and hung his head over Butters' arm.

Now he just had to make sure Kenny stayed asleep for the next twelve hours.

Butters couldn't help but cry as he finally drove away from the Los Angeles city limit. The place they called home for three months was now behind them, and he knew now more than ever he did belong in Colorado. He belonged on sets and on screens doing what he loved, but no place could ever replace Colorado. Because Los Angeles, or Miami, New York, or London didn't have his friends and family. They had more opportunities... but he had opportunities at home too. He had a lot of thinking to do, but for now he was just ecstatic to finally sleep well in their bed, and to wake up Kenny in obnoxious and cruel ways, or make him breakfast in bed. It didn't matter. Except, he was mostly excited to see Kenny finally happy.

The dark blonde began to stir about four hours into driving, and Butters made the sign of the cross and sent an apology up to heaven before he opened Kenny's mouth and popped another pill down his throat. And throughout the remainder of the trip Butters remained as quiet as possible and only spoke when wishing Kenny a Happy New Year; he found it ironic that the first second of midnight he was driving his unknowingly drugged husband back home... that was an interesting start to the new year; definitely not the weirdest he had ever experienced, though.

He felt his throat tighten when he drove passed the "Welcome to Colorado" sign eight hours into his travels. He was making decent time and they would be back by eight or nine in the morning. All Butters had to do was drag Kenny up to their bed and lay down with him until he woke up. And based on the amount of sleeping pills he had been given that could take awhile.

There was snow everywhere; it made Butters want to stop driving to run out into the open fields and play in it. He found himself shivering, and turned on the heater instead of the air conditioner. He forgot how could it was here. He missed it, so much.

They would both look incredibly out of place. Instead of the near pallid glow from long sleeves and remaining indoors like most people did from mid-September to mid-April, they were both sun-kissed and had their hair naturally lightened from the sun. Kenny had more freckles on his face and shoulders, and he was considerably tanner than Butters. People would think they went to a salon; if only they knew.

Butters' eyes were drooping as he drove down the interstate. Thankfully the scenery wasn't boring, and it was nice to see home, but he couldn't help but be more than a little exhausted; he hadn't slept in nearly 30 hours. Kenny was still out, however, which was slightly reassuring for him.

His heart leaped in his chest as he saw the sign for the Denver International Airport, and took a right onto the exit. Butters' eyes burned as he realized they were finally home. He didn't know he would miss this place so much, but nothing felt better than this moment; of seeing the Denver city=scape right before him, with clouds ready to burst with wind, sleet, and snow.

Fifteen minutes later, Butters pulled into the driveway of their home. Karen usually stayed on the weekends and made sure everything was tidied, which was nice, but lately she had been busy. He didn't think their house would be that messy, if anything a little dustier than usual; and that was okay.

Butters hurried to let their dog out into the backyard, then opened the passenger door and sighed with a small smile on his face. He wrapped his arms around Kenny and carefully lifted him. The younger man mumbled incoherently, then let out a soft sigh as he rested his head on the crook of Butters' shoulder. The bright blonde managed to find his keys in silence as he walked up to the front door.

After three tries, Butters managed to unlock the door and stepped inside. His tears finally fell as he was greeted with warmth, and the smell of their home, and suddenly everything could be forgotten. They were home and would remain there. This is what he wanted. Nothing else mattered but the man currently sleeping in his arms.

Butters had a lot of thinking to do. But he wouldn't reach a decision without Kenny's opinion; he wouldn't do that again.

He would wait to tell anyone they were home, at least for the next day. He just wanted some alone time with Kenny; it had been far too long. He just couldn't wait to see his reaction; all Kenny ever wanted was to be back home. And now here they were... he'd wake up in his bed. There was nothing better than that.

After Butters tucked him in, he tip-toed down the creaky steps to let their dog back in. The house was fairly cold, so he adjusted the thermostat, and quickly changed from warm fall attire to a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. Moments later, he laid down on the bed next to Kenny, and rested his head on the darker blonde's arm.

Now all he had to do was wait.

And he slept as he waited, and nearly six hours later he woke up feeling groggy with a throbbing headache. He pulled himself away from Kenny, who sighed and stretched his legs as he began to wake up too.

"Ahh, shit, shit..." Kenny gasped, reaching down to his calf. He pulled his leg up to his chest and massaged the back of his calf, "leg cramp..."

"Good morning, mister," Butters mumbled, kneading the knot in his leg. Kenny winced and bit his lip, then relaxed slightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Weird," Kenny mumbled quietly, "I feel like... fuzzy and my head isn't here," he slurred slightly and gasped as his leg tensed once more. "Jesus..."

"Shh, just relax... happy new year," Kenny furrowed his eyebrows, then his eyes widened.

"W-what did we do last night? Fuck, I made arrangements and I don't even-" he paused, "it's freezing in here." Butters laughed quietly, then sat up. Kenny wore a look of confusion for a brief moment, then his jaw dropped as his eyes lit up in pure amazement. "Is this...?"

"Welcome home, dear," Kenny laughed with his eyes squeezed shut, and burrowed his head in Butters neck. Leg cramp forgotten, he held on to the smaller blonde as tight as he could and placed innumerable kisses on his face and along his neck. Butters squeezed him tight and cherished this feeling; seeing Kenny like this, so happy he was fighting off tears, was enough to make him never want to leave home again.

"How did... oh my God, we're home... we're in Colorado? We're _home_?" Butters nodded and brushed Kenny's hair back with his fingers. "O-oh my God, there's snow, there's _snow_, Lee!" At that, Kenny scrambled out of the bed and fell as soon as he stepped on his cramping leg. "Shit..."

Butters couldn't help but laugh and give Kenny a pitiful look as he poked up from the floor. He rubbed his head and grimaced as he stood up on wobbly legs once more.

"I want to build an igloo." The somber expression and serious tone made Butters burst out laughing at Kenny's declaration. "And we're gonna have cocoa." He nodded.

"Anything you wanna do, today is your last nice day." Kenny tilted his head.

"My last _what_ day?" Butters smirked.

"From here on out, nice wake ups are banned. You've been getting away with far too much sleeping in, darlin'. Now it's time I bring out the big guns," for added "effect", Butters flexed his arms, and Kenny snickered.

"Okay, but counter option, for every day that you sleep in that I don't, you get woken up by this dude right here," Kenny pointed to himself and Butters sighed, before giving a nod. He could allow that.

"You're on, Kenneth." The dark blonde man smirked and took a step closer to Butters, who took his hands in his.

"Challenge accepted," Kenny whispered, then captured Butters' lips in a brief kiss. "I love you, I really, really do... this... this is amazing. I don't know how you pulled this off without me even knowing and that kind of does scare me... but I will always remember this being the happiest day of my life." Butters smiled up at him and pulled his hips closer.

"'Cause you're finally home?" Kenny shrugged.

"Yeah, and I woke up at home... next to the love of my life." Butters blushed and lowered his head a little.

"Oh stop..." he gushed, then laughed as Kenny squeezed him tight once more.

"All I need is you, we can live here or a hotel or a box... you're my home. Home is with _you_," Kenny whispered, then kissed him once more. Butters sighed and caressed his cheek. "That's all I'll ever need, hon."

And then he realized the deeper meaning to Kenny's words. The whole time they were in California, he wanted to be home. He wanted to be in Colorado, with his friends, family, everyone... but that wasn't necessarily true. Every day in California Kenny was missing home. He was missing him, and the feeling of _being_ home. He missed Colorado but didn't need it... he needed _him_.

At that, Butters felt his eyes burn in slight shame at the fact that he didn't help him feel comfortable at all. And he held Kenny a little tighter, and kissed him a little deeper. And he smiled against his lips as he realized that, yes, this was definitely home.


	37. House of Wax

_Author's Note: It's been a long time and I'm sorry and holy hell so much has happened but I'm not wasting words. Thanks for your patience, reading, reviewing, favorites, and follows. You're all amazing! I sincerely hope to be able to update this on a regular basis now. And as always, if you have any suggestions send 'em my way :)._

* * *

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't!" Butters whined as he looked at the two items on the kitchen table. From over the phone, he heard Wendy Testaburger sigh heavily and he knew he was done for. There was no arguing with her; she knew his strengths more than he did. Same with Kenny.

"Trust me, I know Kenny. He can handle this." Butters scoffed and picked up the lighter. He flicked the switch in the same pattern and watched with disinterested eyes as the flame sparked to life, then died; over and over again. Kenny was kind of like fire, he supposed.

"Well, so do I and this is evil."

"Not really if you know what you're doing," Butters smirked at that, and he knew that the raven-haired woman was blushing on the other line.

"Oh, so _you_ do?" He teased, causing her to scoff. She and Eric didn't talk much about their relationship; no one was exactly quite sure if they had ever had sex or not. And frankly, it wasn't their business. So they didn't push.

"Shut up," Wendy deflected. "You called for my advice and this is what I'm giving you."

"What if it burns him?"

"It shouldn't be that hot, otherwise they wouldn't use it for treatments," Butters shrugged at that; that was true. "You're recording this one, right?"

"Yeah," he replied, then ran a hand through his hair, "I figured my blog needed an update." Wendy laughed at that, and Butters smiled weakly. He didn't know if that was necessarily true; Kenny was doing just fine making comics for his own blog, and was also working on creating flash animation for a comic about their childhood. The process was interesting, to say the least.

"Good, give me credit?" Butters sighed and mumbled a quick goodbye before he hung up the phone.

Butters looked at the lighter, then back at the candle warmer on the table. Most of the purple wax had melted by now, and the lavender scent practically overpowered the entire first story of their house.

"Ow," he mumbled as he picked up the candle jar. Butters then made sweater paws with his hoodie and carefully walked up the stairs; the last thing he wanted was wax on their carpet, or on the stairs where one of them, most likely Kenny, would slip and get hurt.

Carefully, Butters entered the bedroom and set down the jar on his nightstand. Kenny was snoring quietly in his sleep as he lay face down on his pillow. Perfect. With cautious fingers, he pulled back the sheet that covered his nude body, and he felt his stomach coil as he gazed down at his back. He was pale, but he could see the lean muscle that he envisioned contracting and stretching with every slight movement.

Butters was done for, and he shook his head to temporarily rid himself of his lusty thoughts. He had a task at hand, one that would quite possibly lead to raunchy sex; and if it didn't then Butters knew just how to make Kenny feel better.

He picked up the jar full of melted wax and stood above Kenny. His hand quivered slightly as he began to tip the glass container. He watched as it ran in a thick purple stream from the jar and onto his relaxed back. In an instant, those muscles clenched and the bright blonde had a sudden urge to pounce on his back and dig his nails deep in his skin. That would be a wake up call in itself.

"Wh-wha?" Kenny gasped, then let out a pained yelp as he felt more wax splatter and cool on his skin. He spun around and glared with sleepy eyes up at Butters, who smiled innocently as he sloshed the liquid around. "What're you doing?"

"Waking you up." Was all he said, before letting a few drops fall from the jar, onto Kenny's chest. The dark blonde hissed in pain and gritted his teeth as he looked up at his husband.

"That burns," he didn't seem angry, although he looked rather irritated. But Butters just smiled down at him.

"Real bad?" Kenny shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

"It feels like I have a shit ton of skin on my back. It's weird."

"I drew a wax penis on your back," Kenny snickered and his expression softened considerably. He shook his head and gazed up at Butters, who was torn between standing and straddling him.

"That's kind of appropriate," Butters tilted his head slightly and blushed as Kenny wiggled his eyebrows. "Where did you get this idea?"

"A... a source," Butters trailed off; he didn't want thoughts of Wendy or Cartman killing the mood. His aloofness seemed to amuse Kenny, who leaned back with his hands pressed against his back.

"Huh, did that source tell you to draw a dick on me?" Butters shook his head. "I take it that was a premonition then."

"What do you-" Butters stopped himself, and his cheeks flushed even harder. "Oh."

"Yeah," Kenny breathed as he laughed. "C'mere with that wax," Butters bit his lip and lowered himself on Kenny's lap. Yep, it definitely did the trick he was hoping for. His eyes watched as Kenny lay back a little more, then gave a nod. "Go ahead."

Butters let the wax drip from the jar and he felt Kenny tense beneath him. He bit down on his lip, yet he wore a soft smile as he watched Butters decorate his skin with lavender scented candle wax. It was weird, but it was nice. Not necessarily the turn on Kenny thought it would be, but in a sense it was relaxing. Which was weird to him.

"It's like body paint," Butters mumbled as he traced the dried wax on Kenny's chest. The younger man looked up with a slight smirk and put his hand on the back of Butters' neck. "Except I can't eat it." Kenny chuckled at that, and nodded as he lay back on the bed, grimacing as he felt the wax on his back crack against his skin. That was weird too.

Butters followed suit, and soon they were chest to chest. Kenny's hands slowly took the jar, and Butters wore a worried expression as Kenny held it over him. He jerked as he felt hot droplets splash against his skin, only to dry as they began to streak down his back. His body had jerked against Kenny's, who bit back a moan from the friction.

"Was this your idea?" Kenny asked as Butters held the jar over his throat, he gasped as it singed his neck, and dried in purple wax spatters on his neck. Butters nodded and bit beneath the lowest drop, causing Kenny to let out a pained groan. "To get me all hot and b-bothered with wax?"

"Well, considering the last time I played with wax..." Kenny glanced down at his leg and laughed softly.

"This is better, much better," the dark blonde decided, before he captured Butters' lips against his. He barely noted Butters let the jar rest on the bed next to them, and as he rolled over, his leg kicked against the glass. Butters didn't notice this, and Kenny was lost in the heated ministrations.

As they fell back on the bed, a quiet thump was ignored, and as they fought for dominance never declared, the wax dripped from the candle, onto the floor, and solidified like a little purple waterfall.


	38. It's a Little Pink and Blue

_Author's Note: It's been awhile. Way longer than I wanted. I got writer's block and it's been so easy for me to hit a few buttons to publish a new chapter of SAC than to write. Except I got the Crenny bug, which eventually helped me come back round to this. Anyway, there are just a couple more chapters left, which truly does make me sad. But they'll be great. And I'm pretty sure you'll love the ending. Besides, Kenny's gotta get used to this sometime, right?_

_...wrong._

_Oh, and don't drink around me. This will happen. _

* * *

Butters' eye twitched as he gazed down at Kenny. He couldn't believe after all of this he was still asleep.

"This is why you don't drink," he mumbled, then turned on the shower. Kenny didn't so much as twitch when Butters sprayed his hair.

The twenty-three year old man watched as pink hair dye dripped down the edge of the tub as he rinsed his hair. He had spent forty-five minutes waiting for the dye to set, it faintly smelled of strawberries, and now he was ready to finish his prank.

"How are you _not_ awake?" Butters couldn't help but ask as he continued to rinse Kenny's hair.

It took several minutes for the water to run clear; Kenny's hair, which hung in a mop along the side of the tub, was bright pink. He was in need of a haircut as well, but Butters really didn't mind long hair on his husband. It suited him.

When Butters began to dry his hair, all Kenny did was turn his head so his cheek rested against the porcelain. The older man shook his head and ruffled the pink locks, then hung the green towel on the rack and gazed down at his husband.

Well, he did need a haircut, he supposed. And he was fairly decent at giving them.

Somehow Kenny remained asleep while he combed his hair. Butters was surprised to find himself actually liking the pink hair; somehow it suited Kenny.

He began to snip away the long tendrils; instead of reaching his shoulders the length stopped at the middle of his neck. He was slightly nervous to add layers, but thankfully Bebe taught him how to do that. And the proper way as well; he hated point cuts. And using a razor on hair was abominable.

"Don' let th' llama eat the body," Butters pulled away from Kenny slowly and gave him a creeped out look before he gave one last tentative snip to his hair. It looked decent; Kenny was never picky about his hair, anyway.

"I won't," Butters replied, which earned a hum of happiness from Kenny. The bright blonde rolled his eyes, then wrapped his arms around Kenny and lifted him.

"I jus' wantcha to... hmm..." Kenny trailed off, Butters sighed and tucked his head against his chest as he carried him to the stairs.

"What?" Butters asked, trying not to laugh as he situated Kenny's legs more comfortably in his arms; they were too long. They made carrying him way more difficult than it should be.

"Shaddup 'm speaking." Butters scoffed and laughed quietly to himself.

"Someone's sassy..." he trailed off, then snickered as Kenny mumbled incoherently into his shoulder.

Except, Butters miscalculated his steps. Where he thought ground was, there was one more stair, and in an instant he was scrambling to make sure he stayed standing, and his arms wrapped around the railing. He gasped, regained his footing after twisting his ankle, and curled his toes to get rid of the ache.

That meant he dropped Kenny.

"Shit," Butters said, then scurried back up a step, then winced and lifted his injured foot. Kenny stared up at him with a look of bewilderment as he rubbed his bottom and tried to lift himself into a standing position. "Ken, wa-" he was interrupted by a soft thump as Kenny hit his head on the window sill.

"Ow..."

"Are you okay?" Butters asked timidly. Kenny appeared cross-eyed for a moment, then grunted and sat up, "ow," he repeated, and winced as he slowly pulled himself up into a standing position.

"I don' feel good," he mumbled, then slumped over on the railing. "Didjou throw me down the stairs or somethin'?" Kenny still sounded a little drunk, but he was also hungover. Butters sighed.

"No, I was carrying you to the couch and I tripped."

"I think my ass died." Butters bit back a smile as Kenny continued rubbing the small of his back, "I think I landed on the edge of the stair. My butt bone is dead."

"You don't have a..." he trailed off, "d'you want me to kiss it better?" Kenny smirked and wiggled his eyebrows, then grimaced.

"My head hurts."

Butters didn't realize how ridiculous a hungover Kenny looked with pink hair. He found himself trying not to laugh as Kenny staggered to the bathroom.

"So was that your wake up prank or not? I'm confused... that was violent, but if it was an accident..." Kenny trailed off, "this is hurting my head." Butters laughed quietly and went to the kitchen to make coffee. He remained silent as he waited for Kenny's realization. "What happened after Style's? I don't even remember getting to their house. We went, right?"

"Yeah," Butters called from the kitchen.

"Huh, I thought so. I vaguely remember eating pizza... oh pizza sounds delicious. Is it too early for pizza?"

"It's never too early, dear," Butters responded, biting back his smile as he continued to be patient.

"Okay, I think I'm gonna call Extreme Pizza... I really fucking want pizza, and they're the ones with the best- what the fuck is on my head?"

"What?" Butters asked, feigning innocence as he heard a squeak of horror from Kenny. There it was.

"How did you not... Lee, my hair is _pink_!" Butters grinned to himself as he sipped his coffee.

"Oh, I thought it looked a little redder."

"A little- dude this is like hot fucking pink!" He was sure Kenny was flailing by now, and nearly choked on his coffee. "Why would neglect to- oh." Kenny interrupted himself as he stumble-ran into the kitchen. The look on Butters' face was angelic. "This is my wake-up prank."

"I plead the fifth!" Butters cried, holding up a hand.

"But... it doesn't wake me up... I wouldn't notice until after I- wait... how did you do this while I was asleep?" Butters blinked.

"I questioned that myself, honestly. I figured you'd wake up but... nope." Kenny pulled at his hair, and stomped his foot.

"I can't... does my hair smell like strawberries?" Butters raised an eyebrow as the taller man pulled on a lock of his hair and sniffed. "...it doesn't smell like shit."

"No, it's only demi-permanent. Therefore... strawberries." Kenny nodded slowly.

"So... how long does it last if it's only demi-permanent?'

"Like... a month?" Kenny sat at the table and picked up the mug of coffee.

"Could you add like blue highlights or somethin' in it?" Kenny asked finally. Butters beamed.

"Yes... yes I could." The pink-haired man across from him raised an eyebrow, then took a sip of his coffee. "Personally, I think it's kinda hot." Kenny rolled his eyes affectionately and sighed, then handed Butters the house phone.

"Order me some pizza and you got yourself a deal." The bright blonde's eyes lit up and immediately he went to dial the number for Kenny's favorite pizza place. Of course, they would have their order memorized and over here in fifteen minutes, tops.

"The blue better smell like blue raspberry though," Butters shook his head.

"Cotton candy." Kenny made a face, then shrugged.

"Do-able." Butters smirked and nodded before he grabbed the keys to run to the beauty shop to grab another bottle of dye.

"Yeah, you are," Kenny laughed lewdly and caught Butters' quick kiss before the bright blonde scrambled out of the house.

Of course, Butters decided, he wouldn't tell Kenny that the hair dye was permanent. For now he agreed to this, and Butters couldn't pass up the opportunity. Besides, Kenny would find out eventually, and that's all that mattered.

At that, Butters grinned, and quickly drove out of the driveway before Kenny could stop him.


	39. Butters' Chainsaw Massacre Pt II:

_Author's Note: Here is the penultimate chapter. This is kind of heart-breaking. And kind of the reason I've been putting off this story. Sorry for the lack of updates on behalf of my reluctance to end this story. But I always knew it was going to end at 40 chapters. That being said, thank you for reading, and we've got one more to go. So I hope you enjoy this one! :)_

* * *

With both of their success, Butters found himself weary of pranking Kenny. Then again, it was hardly necessary. Because Kenny wasn't working such odd hours, he would wake up at a more reasonable time, sometimes even before Butters. It was nice and often times he woke up to breakfast in bed or just Kenny playing with his hair, or drawing next to him.

Butters had another role that they would have to travel to New York for in six months; but for now he was a supporting role in a locally filmed movie. It was an independent film, and not much money came from it, but from working with The Avengers, which he was going to be in the next movie thank you very much, he was able to pursue whatever role he wanted; and a sociopath with mental problems was the kind of role he wanted to play. Acting crazy was a way for him to vent out his frustration; and he grew up with crazy. It was also his hope that if he acted the part, then he wouldn't become the part later on in life.

Kenny was highly successful with the comic version of "Butters' Guide on How to Wake Your Permanent Roommate". Kyle was asking him if he could do a prequel to his methods and would actually pay him; Kenny accepted the offer and said he'd do it for free. Kyle agreed, but told Butters he was putting the money into a savings account to tell Kenny about when he was finally finished.

As well as the comics and tutorials he posted on Youtube, which also managed to get him sponsored by various online markets in the art and design aspects of the internet, he was working on designing a cartoon and would show the first episode to various broadcasters in hopes someone would pick it up; Bebe, Butters, Kyle, and Stan, and a few more of their friends agreed to do voices- perhaps for the entire duration of the show, regardless of if it was picked up on a station; if it went to Youtube, so be it as Kenny was highly successful in that endeavor.

All in all, Kenny was happy. And so was he. In fact, combine the two together and they were a glowing orb of yellow. Butters really couldn't complain about his life at all. They saw their friends and family more often than not, and as far as their married life things couldn't have been better. Finally, Butters felt like things were clicking and moving smoothly.

Except, for who knows why, Kenny was asleep at three in the afternoon.

And Butters wanted to change that.

His methods had run dry; and he didn't really feel like being mean.

Nostalgia hit, so he pulled open his laptop and browsed his blog. He watched video after video, read post after post, and found himself laughing at the ridiculousness of his antics. But what he found funnier was Kenny's reactions. More often than not, Kenny was tired enough to fall.

Except there were the most liked ones, where Kenny exacted revenge.

Butters couldn't help but rub his head as he watched Kenny start the chainsaw, causing a past-Butters to scream and hit his head on the end table that had been strategically placed about him.

Well then.

A slow smirk spread on Butters' face and he clicked on the "New Post" button. He thought for a minute, then began typing.

**_Day 39:_**

_It's been awhile, hasn't it? _

Nope. He didn't like that. He quickly erased that and sighed heavily. This had to be good.

After deep consideration, he began typing once more.

**_Day 39: _**

_Revenge on revenge has never been better._

He didn't know what else to say, so he posted that simple headline for the time being. Almost instantly, there were five comments and likes on the post and he sighed heavily. This had to be good. If Kenny got that much of a reaction, then Butters would get just as much, if not more. Because... it was revenge on _revenge_ and how awesome was that?

Butters went to the garden shed and pulled out the chainsaw and carried it into the house. Ursa waited patiently by the door, and he left the door open for the dog, who ran outside to presumably chase butterflies or frogs, as per usual.

He took the saw upstairs first, then went back down and grabbed an end table from the living room. He felt a little nervous about this, but way more excited, and lugged the wooden table up the stairs. He opened the door with his side, then silently crept into the room.

Kenny lay face down on the pillow with his arms tucked under his head. He was sleeping on top of the covers, and wore nothing but a pair of boxers. His glasses were on the floor next to his side of the bed, and his laptop was still open on the nightstand from when Butters moved it earlier this morning; he had fallen asleep drawing last night. It was cute when he did that, even though half the time Butters was passed out before him.

In silence, Butters carefully placed the end table right above Kenny's head and turned on his cell phone's camera, then put it with the lens against the glass so it would catch Kenny's end of the prank. Butters had the actual video camera on the dresser and would compile the two versions of the footage; he thought it was a nice added effect.

Slowly, he crept back and reached for the chainsaw. The saw itself had been removed, for obvious reasons, and he still felt nervous holding it. He switched it to cold start, then put his hand on the handle. Taking a deep breath, Butters let out a shrill scream and then yanked hard on the rope to start the saw.

The scream was enough alone to wake and startle Kenny. The chainsaw was just a nice, added, effect, Butters supposed as he watched Kenny attempt to bolt up from his laying position. A loud smack was heard, even from the roar of the chainsaw, and it was enough to make the bright blonde burst out laughing as he turned off the saw.

"Jesus fucking Christ..." Kenny moaned in pain, clutching the back of his head with watery eyes. Butters stifled his giggles and bit his lip as he pulled the end table off of the bed. The dark blonde glared at him as he pressed his fingers to the already growing knot on his head. "W-what the fuck was that for? I about pissed myself."

Butters shrugged and sat down next to Kenny, who was trying to regulate his breathing and stop shaking from fright. He clutched the blankets and pulled them up higher, in hopes to hide and maybe go back to sleep. He knew it was too late, however, as Butters had woken him and the pulsing in his head wouldn't allow him to even close his eyes.

"I just felt like getting revenge."

"For what?!" Kenny cried, then winced and squeezed the back of his neck. Butters took his place and gave him a gentle massage.

"For when you did that to me...?" Butters asked, as if this made complete sense.

"I don't... what... but that was like a year ago!" the younger man exclaimed in a whisper. He needed some medicine. His husband simply smiled and shrugged a little as he leaned back against the headboard. "What even..." Kenny trailed off in disbelief. "I'm not... Jesus..."

"Nope, you're Kenny." The dark glare he received was expected, and Butters ruffled Kenny's hair. "C'mon, it's been _ages_ and it's late. I'm just havin' fun." He poked, out his lower lip and flashed his baby blues at Kenny, who scoffed and rolled his eyes affectionately.

"Fun is not trying to give me a heart attack." Butters scoffed.

"Hush you, I cried."

Butters felt Kenny take his hand in his and he smiled softly. He did feel the slight tremble in his fingers and was honestly surprised it spooked Kenny so much. He brushed his thumb over the soft skin on the back of his hand and gave a gentle squeeze.

"So, did it work?" Kenny finally asked, rubbing his eyes and looking at him with a sleepy expression. Butters was surprised at how young he looked; seeing him rightp after he woke up always made Butters; day; Kenny was just adorable.

"Hmm?" Butters asked in response. He rested his head on Kenny's chest and heard his slow heart beat. At least he was calm now. Butters glanced up at the darker blonde, who wrapped an arm around him and held him close.

"Your revenge. You happy?" Butters simply shrugged and burrowed closer to Kenny.

"I guess. But... I kinda like this better." He heard a hum of approval from his husband and looped their fingers together.

"Me too," Kenny whispered, then pressed his lips to Butters' forehead.

They remained like that, laying in each others' arms and wasting the day away. It was nice to not have anything to do but cuddle, and although he had scared Kenny Butters knew he was silently forgiven. He always was.

And he knew that deep down Kenny was amused by his antics. Neither of them saw the point in Butters' methods anymore,and it was kind of sad. It had been their highlight through their time living together; though it was supposed to be a teaching mechanism. In a way through these pranks, got married, starred in movies, found opportunities, valued friends and family, and learned there was nowhere better than home.

But what he valued the most from this experience, is that he never wanted to do this with anyone else. Kenny was the one he wanted to terrorize, and he'd never be comfortable with another human being quite like he was with Kenny. They just knew. And what was even better was that Butters learned that home wasn't place- but a state of being.

No matter where they were, no matter what they would do, Butters would always feel at home with Kenny.

And as he looked at Kenny, who rested his head on Butters' shoulder and stared at the wall ahead of them, he just knew Kenny felt the same way.

"Lee?" Kenny asked, stretching his legs and hitting him softly upside the head. Butters giggled and swatted at Kenny, who grabbed his hands and forced them down on his own lap. Butters' fierce eyes gazed into Kenny's and he smiled softly.

"Kenny?" He repeated the same tone. The darker blonde chuckled a little and shook his head.

"I love you." Butters hummed at that, and squeezed Kenny's hands.

"I love you too."


	40. The End of the Guide

_Author's Note: I can't believe we're actually here; this is it. The end. The last hurrah. I always knew there were going to be forty chapters. Well, there's an epilogue too but whatever. This is quite a bit different from the others, in one very... unique way. I also always knew this was how this was going to end. I've never actually finished a multi-chapter story before, so this is also a first for me. _

_First I'd like to say thank you for reading. That's all that really matters; the fact that you took the time to read this silly story just makes me so happy. The fact that many of you reviewed, left suggestions, favorited, followed, messaged me... that just was incredible. It still is. So thank you. I've made a lot of friendships from writing this story, as well as from SAC so thank you :). _

_Thanks to those who left suggestions or comments that made me think and reconsider things, too. I always love feedback._

_But just... thank you. So much. :)_

_I'm considering making a comic version of this but I really don't have the time right now. Let me know if you'd like to see this sometime in the future... because it would be kind of fun. I'm also considering exploring a prelude... with Operation: Kill the Foghorn. But I'm still not quite sure._

_Thank you, again. I know I say it a lot but I mean it. Thank you so much._

_This one is for all of you :)._

* * *

"Good mornin'," Butters mumbled as he opened his bleary eyes and caught Kenny gazing down at him with a fond expression. "Why're you awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," was Kenny's reply. He sighed heavily and bit his lip, then looked at his phone once more. "This is killing me."

"Karen will call, she always does." Kenny shrugged and set his phone down, then ran a hand through his hair.

Five years had gone by.

Many things had changed. They still had their friends and family, still lived in Colorado, still did the same things. Butters had quite a resume in terms of movies he had starred in. He had finished out his character in the Marvel world, moved to a mini-series on television, acted in various local films and plays, and was currently in the works to act alongside Tom Hanks.

They had to move to the middle of nowhere because paparazzi learned where they lived and their neighbors liked to divulge too much information in attempts of sharing some of

But they were happier, for many reasons. The fact that they could actually go outside and not have anyone taking photos of them was a nice thing, for starters.

Kenny's cartoon idea had bloomed as a web series, which made its way onto television. Currently, he was working on the third season, with his friends still doing the voices. That would never change.

To say they lived comfortably was an understatement. Of course, they put a great chunk of money away in savings, just in case. Sometimes Kenny was overwhelmed by the amount of money he earned alone, and often gave money to his family and also donated to various homeless shelters and other various charities that worked toward helping lower income households.

As he looked at his life, Butters thought he lived a fairy tale. Everything was how he had wanted it to be, in the very best world his mind as a child and teenager could possibly create. And at age 28, he never saw his life being like this. He was a famous actor, after all, and he currently owned three houses, and he was married to the most amazing man. Honestly, it was more than he had ever dreamed of; and knowing Kenny was the one next to him on this journey only made it better.

Things were great, absolutely fantastic, and there was honestly nothing Butters would change. Everything was perfect, and every day he woke up he was thankful for another chance to live such an amazing life. If he thought about it too much he would cry, but usually he distracted himself from thinking about it too much. However, he was happier for Kenny; he knew for a fact that this was not the life his husband had imagined himself living. He always had his doubts, but he knew Kenny was happy with their lives as a couple, as well as individuals. There was no doubt in that.

Except there was one thing that Butters would like to change, he decided as he gazed at Kenny, who rubbed his bleary eyes and stretched his lanky legs. It was something they had struggled with for a couple of years, but now there was a chance that they could achieve this change.

They had been married for nearly six years now and they were obviously financially stable. They had managed to achieve almost every one of their life goals together before the age of thirty; which left them open to accomplishing more. Like what they were trying to do now...

"Anything?" Butters asked, Kenny shoo his head and grimaced as he rested his head on Butters' shoulder. The lighter blonde raked his fingers through his husband's wavy tendrils, and closed his own eyes.

What they hadn't done so far was be parents. They realized that was the hole in their lives they needed filled when they saw Stan and Kyle with their first child; an adopted girl from Canada. They were looking to adopt another child soon, too.

So after they both realized this, Butters and Kenny had gone to Bebe for advice as to what they should do. And a year ago Bebe agreed to be their surrogate mother. They considered their options for a couple of months, and then they had taken her up on the offer. A month later and she was pregnant and everyone was thrilled- especially Stan and Kyle, who were the first parents from their graduating class.

Except two months in to the pregnancy, Bebe had a miscarriage. She then found out from her doctor that she would never be able to carry a child to full term. Although she hadn't wanted children, knowing the ability had been taken from her had broken her heart, as well as Clyde's. But she wasn't the only one who had lost their child; Butters and Kenny still reeled over the events.

But then a beautiful idea came along in the form of Kenny's sister; a way to have a child with both the McCormick and Stotch traits.

Karen suggested that she could be their surrogate. And after an even longer debate, they agreed.

And now here they were, three months later, waiting to hear from Karen. The process had been long and they had found out that Karen had fertility problems. It had been a setback and they had begun treatment for her; so she could have children, mostly. Kenny had been adamant that she didn't have to do this but she fought back; she just needed time.

A rattling had stirred Butters from his thoughts, and Kenny jumped out of bed. He tripped on his shirt from last night that lay on the floor and as he skidded to a halt he reached down and wriggled himself into the faded shirt.

"Kenny? Butters?" They heard Karen's voice call and, just like that, Kenny was out of the bedroom. The lighter blonde laughed as he heard his feet pound furiously down the stairs. He followed behind, in a much calmer state, and smiled as Karen stood in the doorway and wiped the snow from her shoulders. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, and she hung her pea coat on the empty hook by the door.

"Kar-bear," she was embraced by Kenny and smiled as he held her. No matter how old she was, she'd always have that nickname. She quickly hugged Butters and stood back, looking at them without a trace of a smile on her face. "So... what did the doctor say?"

Karen looked between her brother and his husband, then sighed heavily. Butters reached for Kenny's hand, and noticed the nervous look on his husband's face. He was worried for his sister's health more than anything, Butters knew this. But the anticipation was nearly killing Butters, so he bit his lip and ignored the furious pounding in his heart.

"I'm pregnant."

Kenny's eyes lit up and Karen beamed at him with the trademark McCormick smile. Butters ran forward and squeezed her tight in another hug, and she laughed as he kissed her cheek.

"Oh my God, Karen...!" He cried; his own eyes were watery and Kenny's face was pink with a completely happy glow.

"I'm so happy for you," Kenny whispered, kissing her forehead and holding her tight. She let out a teary laugh in his shirt and rested her head against his chest.

"For me?" Karen blurted, then laughed a little as she looked up at her brother. He gave her a look and she bit her lip, her smile fading into a small curl of her lips, and she blushed. "Thanks." He ruffled her hair and Butters sat at the table, his hand over his mouth as he tried to calm down his excitement and shock. "Just think... a little clone of you two is going to be here in nine months. That's... oh my God, I'm gonna be an aunt."

"You already are..." Kenny trailed off. Karen glared at him. "Dexter."

"He doesn't count," her older brother let out a barking laugh and actually snorted in amusement. "I mean he's cute but c'mon... this is like..."

"You're gonna be a mom," Kenny trailed off, his eyebrows knitting, "the mom to my kid..."

"Holy shit..." she trailed off, then looked down at her stomach, "this is going to be difficult to explain." Butters burst out laughing and smiled at both of them. "But I'm not going to be your baby's mom. I'm his or her aunt. This is your guys' baby, and... I'm just really happy you guys agreed to this." She was crying now, and Kenny held her tight.

"Thank you," he whispered, "thank you for doing this."

They agreed not to tell anyone for three months; just to make sure there wouldn't be any complications. This also helped them not hold on to too much hope. Butters didn't think he could handle another miscarriage.

But that didn't mean they couldn't be excited around one another. There was a lot of laughing, quite a bit of crying, and a glimmer of doubt that was ignored, and for good reason.

And that night, as they lay in bed, naked and spent from celebratory sex, Butters laughed as he stared out the door. Kenny shifted his arm, and Butters lay in the crook of his shoulder. His fingers thrummed on his chest, and Kenny's hand caressed his arm.

"Ken?" Butters whispered in the quiet night. The darker blonde glanced down at him before he followed his gaze to the door. "In a couple years we're gonna have to lock our door for that." Kenny chuckled.

"You think we'll have time? That's cute." Butters scoffed.

"Just give me two minutes, I can work my charm," his husband guffawed and grinned down at him. "We'll be Santa... and the Tooth Fairy-"

"I call Tooth Fairy," Butters giggled into Kenny's arm.

"Fine, Mrs. Claus. And we'll let our kid cuddle us, won't we?" Kenny nodded. "Good. So maybe we shouldn't lock the door."

"Who knows, maybe they'll learn wake up tactics like their daddy."

"They?" Butters asked, his smile growing. Kenny shrugged.

"A kid needs a playmate, duh." Butters nodded; he always wished he had a younger sibling. "But seriously, if you teach that kid of your ways I'll be super pissed."

"I think I will be too, hon. We're both gonna need as much sleep as we can get but you're not the one who has a problem with that." Kenny flashed a toothy grin at him before he closed his eyes and faked a snore. "_Cute_."

"Thank ya!" he was quiet for a moment, "actually I don't really think I'll be pissed. Just happy." Butters tilted his head.

"Why happy?" He asked. Kenny's smile grew and he pulled him tighter.

"'Cause they'll be like little yous." Butters beamed and pressed a kiss to Kenny's neck.

"Can I get that on a recording as proof?" The twenty-eight year old teased. Kenny let out an exasperated sigh and shoved him slightly.

"Fuck you," he mumbled with a smirk.

"Mm... okay," Butters replied innocently, then kicked as Kenny began to tickle his sides. They both ended up laughing hysterically with one another, arms wrapped around each other tight as they wriggled and fought against each other. Soon they were left to just look in the others' eyes and Butters smiled gently. "Let's hope they're like you." Kenny tilted his head, "so then we can actually get some sleep."

Kenny snickered and captured Butters' lips in a passionate kiss.

"We'll have to see," he whispered, then wrapped his arms around the small of Butters' back. The bright blonde hummed in delight at that, and wrapped his legs around Kenny's waist.

He was right, they would simply have to wait. And probably a long time for that to happen. But Butters didn't mind; it would be worth it.


	41. Epilogue

Author's Note: Here it is; the epilogue. Thank you so much for reading, your reviews, and everything else. This was probably one of the most fun things I've ever written.

* * *

"Papa, why isn't dad awake?"

A bright smile was sent down to the little blonde boy at the kitchen table. He had to sit on a stack of phone books to properly reach the table, and his feet kicked excitedly as he watched his father bring over a stack of pancakes.

"Because..." Kenny trailed off and laughed quietly to himself, causing his oldest child to tilt his head in the way the McCormicks always had. "Because he's tired."

"But it's 11:00!"

"I _know_, Bradley, but you have to remember he's very busy."

"But I am too!" Bradley exclaimed; Kenny chuckled and ruffled his hair.

It was actually revenge, Kenny was sure of it. But he wouldn't say anything, and only smiled to himself as he poured a sippy cup of milk and set it on the table in front of the four year old.

"I know, how about you go wake your sister before daddy, okay? I'll have breakfast all ready by then."

It was more like brunch; he had already had cereal with his son at 7:00 in the morning.

Truth be told, he was the one who was usually awake first. He would have breakfast ready, usually, and it would wake Bradley. Georgie, their daughter, was a late sleeper- and Kenny would often have to wake her himself. She wasn't one to throw a fit but she'd sit there for at least an hour without saying anything and doze as she ate her little bites of food.

She was two and already behaved like a McCormick; they liked their sleep.

Bradley barreled into the room laughing gleefully. Kenny sighed heavily as he heard a shrill scream and he gave a pointed look at his son.

"Bradley..."

"I woke her like you _said_!" He defended, biting back a grin much too similar to Butters' when he was trying to feign innocence. Kenny pointed at the chair and held up three fingers; in an instant, Bradley sat down and wrapped his arms around himself.

Kenny started up the stairs as he heard Butters' calm voice talking to a crying Georgie from her bedroom.

"It's okay, baby girl. Your brother wasn't trying to scare you."

"Yeah-huh!"

"Okay, how 'bout you come down and have some pancakes? I bet papa made your favorite." Blueberry. Kenny had done so. Bradley's was strawberry, and Butters liked blueberry and chocolate chip.

"K-kay..." she whimpered.

Kenny retreated down the stairs, thankful Butters had woken up and taken care of Georige. He was now left to face Bradley, who-

"Bradley Oliver!" Kenny exclaimed as he entered the kitchen. The four year old wriggled away from the counter. He wore a disgusted expression on his face and his hand and face were covered in pancake batter. "I told you to stay in the chair."

"I know."

"You deserve that," Kenny pointed to the batter. "C'mere." He wet a kitchen towel and dabbed at the toddler's face. His blue eyes scrunched and he made small grumbling noses as Kenny wiped away the pancake mix on his face.

A quiet sniffle was heard and the dark blonde turned to the doorway. Kenny smiled softly as Butters sat Georgie in her booster seat and poured her some milk in her polka dotted sippy cup. He then got himself some coffee, and sent a sleep smile to his husband.

"G'mornin'," Kenny gave a slow nod and bit back a smile as he ruffled Bradley's hair, then nudged him toward the kitchen table.

"Sleep well?" Butters just smiled smugly and sat at the table with their two children; the younger man just rolled his eyes and cut up Georgie's pancake.

"Mhmm... you?" the taller of the two gave his husband a blank look that said everything that needed to be said, then set down their daughter's cut up pancake in front of her. She stabbed it with her purple fork and beamed happily as she took a bite.

"Thank you, papa!" Georgie piped up after she swallowed the bite of food. Kenny just ran his hand through her hair and smiled; seeing his family happy was well worth the loss of a couple hours of sleep. Bradley tried his best not to wolf down his food, Kenny and Butters were both trying to emphasize the necessity for manners and eating etiquette, but was finished with his breakfast in a matter of a few bites.

Kenny was finally able to sit down and he scooted his chair closer to Butters'. The bright blonde took Kenny's right hand in his left, and squeezed gently. Bradley talked to them endlessly about a new Disney movie he wanted to see, and Georgie asked if they could see the robot movie she had seen advertised on television a couple days prior.

After brunch, their children needed to burn off their energy. So, Kenny and Butters took them outside to play, and Butters watched as Kenny buried himself beneath the fallen autumn leaves and played leaf monster with Georgie and Bradley. They screamed and laughed as he chased them, all covered in mud, leaves, and collected dew, and swooped them up in his arms before he whirled around in circles.

It was nice to see this, to see his family just act like a normal family, because so often they were under the pressure of a camera lens and Butters didn't feel that was a proper way for children to grow up. He tried to avoid many of the famed events and always made sure to keep a good image of himself, but he would go to any lengths to prevent people from making spectacles of his kids. He and Kenny would share what they wanted the world to know; and honestly that was nothing.

"Dad!" Bradley yelled, bringing Butters from his thoughts. He watched as Georgie threw leaves at Kenny, who lay on his back with his tongue sticking out and his eyes closed. "Come play!"

"Papa..." Georgie said in a disbelieving tone, "wake _up_." Butters watched in amusement as she tapped his shoulder, then tugged on his sweatshirt. She made a small fist and hit his arm, then squealed as the thirty-two year old growled and grabbed her in his arms.

"I said that to him for years and he _never_ listened," Butters grumbled, causing Bradley to look at him curiously. Kenny smirked and held Georgie close to him. She rubbed her eyes and stared with a sleepy expression as Butters sat in the midst of the leaves next to Kenny.

About twenty minutes later, Georgie had actually managed to fall asleep in Kenny's arms, and Bradley was yawning. Butters helped their tired-eyed son into the house, he stumbled every few steps, and Kenny ran a gentle hand through Georgie's wavy hair as he carried her into the house and to her bedroom.

"Are you mad at papa?" Bradley asked as he curled up in his small yellow and blue bed. The bright blonde man laughed a little and shook his head.

"No, of course not. Why?" the four year old shrugged and nestled into the blankets. Butters tucked him in and smoothed the blankets over him. It seemed that as soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep. Butters brushed a lock of wavy blonde hair from his face, kissed his cheek, and closed the door to his room. He poked his head into Georgie's room and found her playing with her stuffed giraffe with heavy eyes.

In silence, he walked to the master bedroom, and found Kenny laying on their bed, glasses on the nightstand and a hand over his eyes.

"Tired?" Butters teased. His hand pulled from his face and he soon saw a playful glare before Kenny closed his eyes.

"Exhausted," was the reply he received. The shorter man lay on the bed next to his husband, and tugged on his arm gently. Kenny scooted closer to him, and rested his head on his shoulder. Butters ran his hands through Kenny's hair and leaned back on the pillow.

"So are the kidlets," Kenny chuckled; that was the point. He was good at giving them enough play time and learning time to tucker them out. Sometimes nap time would last an hour; those days both of them were extremely grateful. "Why don't you sleep a bit?"

"Because given the opportunity to either sleep or do _other_ things I'll take the latter, thank you." Butters rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Kenny's abdomen, then pulled him between his legs; his back rested against his stomach and his head was tucked perfectly between his chest and shoulder.

"Sleep, mister. That's what Friday nights with Uncle Style are for." Kenny made a grumbling noise but as soon as Butters raked his fingers down his scalp he silenced.

"Unnf," Butters just smiled and kissed his temple, then caressed his stomach with his left hand.

"Don't worry... I'll wake you." He felt Kenny stiffen in his arms and he smirked.

"Tha's what 'm 'fraid of," he heard him mumble. Butters burst out laughing and Kenny slowly looked up at him with a tired glare. "_Rude_."

"I taught you well," Kenny whimpered at Butters' whisper and burrowed his head deeper in his chest. With his arm wrapped tightly around him, he closed his own eyes and drifted off into a dreamless doze.

It was comfortable and warm and Kenny felt right in his arms. Butters was alert but resting, and he liked to listen to Kenny's quiet snuffles. He however, was unaware of the door creaking open, or the quiet little padding of tiny feet on the wood floor.

Yet he _was_ aware of the two little children body slamming into him and Kenny.

"Daddy!" Georgie cried, sitting on his stomach and kicking his side. "_Papa_..." her voice was whining now, and with one eye open Butters watched as Bradley hit Kenny in the chest with his stuffed dinosaur. Butters sighed heavily as Kenny sprung up and playfully wrestled with Bradley; he allowed the little boy to "win" once they fell off the bed.

"Wake _up_!" They both barked sharply. Butters nodded and winced at the loudness of their voices. But Kenny was alert and ready to take on the rest of the day. Butters slumped forward after him, and leaned against his husband as he held hands with Georgie.

"Isn't it cute?" Kenny whispered as they walked down the stairs. Georgie scooted down on her bottom ahead of them, and Bradley had already barreled down the steps in attempts to show of to his younger sister.

"Hmm?" Butters asked sleepily; he could go for another four cups of coffee.

"They're _just_ like you!" Kenny teased, and gently smacked his bottom before giving his rump a teasing squeeze. Butters blushed and glared at him, but couldn't bite back his smile.

"They're just like you too," Butters grumbled, pulling him aside, "cheeky and adorable." Kenny made an innocent face, and laughed as Butters swatted his shoulder and stood on tip toes to capture his lips in a quick kiss.


End file.
